Monday, December 25, 2006
You make love to your partner often enough and you've been doing it for awhile so you're pretty confident that you know what you're doing. But something is missing. Sex is just one of those things that you do together, like going out for dinner or watching a movie. And its OK. But its not great. Its a routine kind of thing. And while you tell yourself that's OK, a part of you knows that it could be so much more and that the best sex of your life is something you're starting to think you'll never get to experience. What if she is secretly unhappy too but doesn't want to say anything because she doesn't want you to feel like its your fault?
How can you inject some enthusiasm and passion when you make love? Recognizing that your love making isn't all it could be is a great first step. You could talk you her about how she's feeling but if you've got to this stage then its likely that talking about sex isn't something that either of you feel really comfortable with. This is a good opportunity to be proactive and come up with a few solutions yourself.
What is the solution? Here are a few suggestions to get you going:
VarietyIf you've been together awhile then sex can get a bit same old, same old. When you make love try new positions, new locations, new techniques. Surprise her.
Seek Out Sex Help and Find Out What You Don't KnowThere is that saying about how you don't know what you don't know and when it comes to lovemaking we all think we know what to do. But its just not true. Of course, once your eyes have been opened to the possibilities and tips and tricks that are out and really aren't that difficult to master, you'll be amazed at what you thought you knew and how you really had no idea.
Don't Just Lie ThereYou need to take charge and make sure her needs are met and you can't do that if you're lying on your back letting her do all the work. And besides you know you'll have an orgasm but you need to make sure she does and that requires effort. Before you start thinking that is unfair and asking why should you have to do all the work just remember that if she has a great time you'll have a really great time! When you do come, your orgasm will be more intense for having watched and helped her climax.
Seduce HerGuys tend to think that great sex is about what you do with your bodies but its not like that for women. Getting them in the mood for sex is just as important as what happens once you start to make love. Give her compliments (but not just when you're wanting sex!), pay attention to her, listen, and touch. Make touching an important part of the time you spend with each other, show her how much you adore her.
Being committed to improving your lovemaking and your partner's sexual experiences is going to set you on an amazing journey that will bring you closer together and guarantee you the best sex of your life. Are you ready?
Sunday, December 24, 2006
I have been dating a guy. The other day we slept together - and now he is standoffish. He told me that he needs some space, because he has a problem in his life that he has to iron out right now. I'm not sure what I should do next. Can you help?
You are facing a commonplace dilemma. However, the reasons for this type of situation are not always the same. I will give you some points to consider - and perhaps they will help you to unravel the mystery.
Is your relationship long-term, or have you known the guy for just a few days?
Religious convictions, cultural biases, and upbringing affect everyone to varying degrees. We generally consider ourselves a liberated society - but these childhood roots go deep. Perhaps your date feels remorse and guilt. He may even consider you immoral.
Did your lovemaking go well? Were you both happy with your time in bed - or did it feel awkward in any way? Do you have a deep-rooted suspicion that something serious happened during this time?
You and your partner are the only two people who can answer these questions.
Carefully recall every detail and try to zero in on the exact moment you noticed a change in his behavior. Now mentally review the immediately preceding events. Can you remember anything specific?
Did you infer by words or actions that you expect some kind of a commitment now that your relationship has progressed to the next level?
Has your partner had other relationships with similar problems? For the answer to this question, you need to have an open discussion with him. A similar past may indicate that he is a man who feels trapped by close emotional ties.
Then there is the type of guy who enjoys chasing a woman until he catches her. Once the relationship is consummated, the euphoria of conquest dwindles and he quickly loses interest.
On the plus side: perhaps none of the above applies - and he is actually falling in love with you. He may be experiencing panic due to a fear of rejection. Once you commit to someone, your heart becomes vulnerable and easily hurt.
After you consider all of the above thoughts very carefully, you may realize that you have a reasonably good idea of when and where your problem occurred. Try to allow reason to rule over passion, then make some logical decisions based on what you know, not what you feel.
Attempt to get more feedback from him by meeting for a frank discussion. Sure, most guys don't like to talk - but use your feminine wiles or whatever else you have in your arsenal to make him comfortable before you broach the topic.
As liberated as we are supposed to be nowadays, talking about sex and relationships can make many people blush. Forget the embarrassment and forge ahead - your relationship is at stake.
Once your meeting with him is over, determine what happens next. Do you think there is anything worth salvaging? Or should you resolve to move on?
Good luck with this difficult situation!
All advice given by Becca is for entertainment purposes only. Please seek professional help for serious problems.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
With the advent of the Internet, with its chat rooms, personals, free dating services, and even the paid sites, finding someone to date has become easier and harder at the same time. Today, there are many free online dating services as those that require memberships.
Finding the right dating service to post your profile is extremely important, but many people do not want to pay for the service. Fortunately, most free online dating services have almost the same features as the paid ones, so people can get the same benefit without having to pay for anything.
Here are some guidelines to remember when looking at free online dating sites.
2. Background checkingBefore you commit to a particular online dating site (or sites), check their reputation on-line. You can find a lot of information if you do a quick search.
3. Extra featuresNot all free online dating services are created equal. So, even if they are free, some can provide greater features compared to others.
4. Log-in safety measuresEven if the site seems okay, remember never to use your real name when creating a user name or use an e-mail address. It is always best to maintain certain level of secrecy for your security. Make sure you do not put any
5. Free trial offersAlmost all online dating services offer free trials. The trial membership may be limited in scope, but it wouldn't hurt to try, just as long as a person observes safety online dating guidelines. After all, there's nothing to lose because they are free.
After the free online dating service is chosen, make sure to keep a few things in mind: Your safety should always be your top priority. You cannot know someone just by their profile and speaking with them on the phone. If and when you meet your date, make sure you meet in a neutral location and you have your own way home (and will not be followed). If more people used their common sense, perhaps online dating would have a better reputation.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Your instinctive ability to sense the incoming hurt causes an automatic reflex reaction, designed to protect, or to save your heart. You brace for impact. You cover your head. You duck and hide. You shut down emotionally. You prepare by getting numb with drugs or alcohol. You condition your heart with a callous covering that takes on any of a number of forms. Then when you see an opening you return fire.
Enemy or friend, you pop up for long enough to squeeze off a few carefully placed rounds. Target: their heart. Intention: to hurt, or even to kill. No, the desire is not to remove life from the person, just to remove you from the battle. The desire is to keep them far enough away so you won't get hurt... again. Very often the bullets are flying all around the kitchen, living room, dining room, bathroom, and even the bedroom. The car. The store. The party. The battlefield is everywhere.
Most of the time, these bullets are intended to be in defense only, and yet as they leave they transform into incoming for the other person. They hear the whining whistle of the incoming and brace for impact. They know the sound, too. If you're paying attention, you can actually see them take cover, shut down emotionally, hide in addiction, or even run away from the battlefield of bitterness and resentment.
Why is it that the people who are the closest to me say and do the things that hurt the most? When I return fire, what is the cost of the damage? Am I training or conditioning my loved ones to hide from me? Are they preparing for battle with me by numbing down with drugs and alcohol? Am I shooting first to minimize my own internal damage and then asking questions later? Have I managed to achieve a 1/1 incoming volley to return fire ratio? Have I managed to protect myself by conveniently keeping my close, loving relationships at an arm’s length? Have I managed to make a complete mess of things?
Here it comes again. Incoming! The choice is yours. Hide. Run. Numb. Ignore. Leave. Return fire. Raise the shield of God.
When provoked by the Philistines, what was Samson’s response? (Judges 15:15) “He found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, and put forth his hand, and took it, and struck a thousand men therewith.” I don’t know about you, but I do not desire to take this kind of revenge on anyone. Taking this type of revenge on those closest to me would be reprehensible, absolutely unacceptable. So why then, do I continue to return fire, or even shoot first?
There is never a clean shot. All wounds leave a fragment of the hurt, something like shrapnel in the heart. There is a limit to the number of hits any human heart can take before desiring to run, hide, numb, ignore, or even die. So why do we continue?
As I sit here in my foxhole, thinking about the battle, and the war, I begin to wonder. I have so many questions when I get quiet and think deeply about the relationships I have chosen, and the ones I have been gifted with.
Let’s look at the line in the sand from our side for a while. In any single relationship between two people, there are two sides to the line in the sand. Looking from the first-person view, there are MY side and YOUR side. The others out there on the other side of the line are doing what they do. I have no control over their thoughts, choices or actions. They will do whatever they choose to do.
Repeat after me. I, being on my side of the line, then, have control over only one thing: ME.
My thoughts are what I think. I will process any incoming in any way I choose. The key here is that I have a choice. I get to choose what to do with anything that comes my way from any source. I choose my thoughts, my words, and my actions. I do sometimes find myself wishing I had made a different or better choice, however. Which means that there is so much to consider when making the choice of how to respond in any given circumstance. Usually my remorse will happen within a few seconds, if not instantly!
In the next few articless we will examine some of the factors affecting the choices we get to make, so let's take some time to reflect about our choices to return fire.
Please visit http://www.worthim.com to read the complete FREE online ebook! Your relationships will benefit tremendously from this experience!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Martin_Worthington
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Giving a speech is probably the most daunting task that the best man has to do at a wedding reception. Today even the maid or matron of honor is being asked to do the same thing on the wedding reception. The problem with wedding speeches is that most people really don’t know what to say. Of course, there are a few who are gifted at writing and delivering a speech.
However, many people can suffer through a speech and have no idea about what they should say or do.
Some people can freeze in the middle of wedding speeches out of pure fright. There can be a lot of pressure to give the perfect speech. We are all afraid that the wedding speeches that we deliver may be memorable for all the wrong reasons. Some people like to use humor, but this can be very tricky. Talking about the couples first date might be funny, but Grandma won’t like it if it involves drinking and public nudity. It can be tough to think of interesting things that will interest everyone. Speakers can often feel the pressure before they even stand up and open their mouths.
You will be glad to know that you can find help if you have to give a speech soon. There are many good wedding speeches online that can be customized to suit the bride and groom. This may help you relax a little, because you will know at the very least it was a good speech when you started. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you are having trouble personalizing the speech. Remember to pick something appropriate for everyone.
Take some time to think it through, and run it by a few people before the big day if you want to write your own wedding speeches. Avoid saying anything you wouldn’t want anyone to say about you in front of all of your family and friends. It’s alright to use humor if you are sure you aren’t going to make Aunt Mary pass out. Try to keep it simple. Great wedding speeches don’t have to be long and detailed; they simply have to come from the heart. You don’t have anything to worry about if you write something that comes directly from your heart and your love of the couple.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 1 of 4.
The last article focused on the approach of not taking everything personally (article is available at http://www.savethemarriage.com/blog/blog.html) But there are several more rules that can help you with your marriage. The next rule is an internal understanding that will transform your external actions.
Rule 2: Honor Your Commitment
This rule may seem obvious, but it isn't always reflected in our actions toward our spouse. You see, our commitment, our promise to be together through it all, is the cement of marriage. We often underestimate the importance of commitment in our throw-away, disposable culture.
Yet powerful psychological shifts happen in a marriage as a result of commitment. Think back to your wedding vows. Most of us took a vow to stay together regardless of how our lives are going. We promise to "hang in there," through thick-and-thin, regardless of how our emotions are running at any particular time.
Think for a moment about the power of knowing that someone makes a promise to get through any difficulty with you. That completely frees you up to work on the relationship, to resolve your difficulties, because at the end of the day, you will be together.
In other words, commitment is the glue of a marriage. In fact, while we may center marriages on lots of other ideals or attributes, this is the one that carries the day. Center a marriage on happiness, and when there is a period that lacks in happiness, there is no foundation. Center a marriage of great sex, and when they fails, there is no safety net. Center a marriage on any particular goal, and when that goal is met (money, kids, careers, etc.), there isn't anywhere to go. But commitment is a continual event, and one that we can maintain by our own choice.
Don't get me wrong. I recognize this is easier said than done, but isn't that the point? Marriage is about consciously choosing the direction of the relationship, rather than being blown by external events and expectations.
Which leads me to one of the implications for this rule: don't threaten to leave or divorce in the midst of conflict. I have seen far too many couples where the basic level of trust between them has been eroded by threats of divorce or one leaving for a period of time.
The effect of this is to undermine the glue of commitment. It basically creates the message that as long as things are going well, you will stay around. But when things get tough, you change the rules and decide to leave. That is not an environment conducive to working out a relationship. It means that one or both people are always on guard of being left.
It reminds me of a book I recently saw in the bookstore on wedding vows. The author, I think with the best of intentions, stated her belief that vows need to be changed to reflect the "temporary nature of marriages." She suggested that a promise could be made "as long as we love each other," or "as long as we want to be together" as a substitute for "as long as we both shall live." That is not a vow! That is basically a statement that "I promise to stay with you until I decide not to." There is not a lot of stability to build upon.
When we make a vow, we assume we have some control over the outcome. If I commit to staying in a marriage, I have control over that. When things get difficult, I can continue to rely on the fact that I made a promise, and therefore, I will work it out.
Which brings me to the second major implication of this rule: a marriage built on commitment means that both people can relax into the marriage and drop the basic fear that the other person is going to leave. By relax, I don't mean "let it go, but rather a realization that fear is not necessary. In fact, it gives me full ownership of the relationship. I am responsible for my half of the commitment, and must make it work for myself and for my spouse. And if both people are willing to focus on the commitment, the reverse is also happening.
So today, make a decision to be committed in your relationship. Don't avoid the commitment, but embrace it as the direction through difficulty. Take a look in the mirror and see someone taking responsibility for your half of the marriage staying together for as long as your vows suggested.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
To many people the words sacred and sex do not belong in the same sentence. To the mystic this is a way to improve our health, strengthen our energy bodies, help manifest our heart's desires, with the ultimate goal of communing with God.
Human sexual energy is among the most potent energies found on earth. The drive to mate is innate in human beings. Marketers use this drive to sell just about every product imaginable, from luxury goods to simple grooming items. You do not have to be a marketing wizard to recognize a long sports car sliding on a rain-slicked road hints at the sexual satisfaction you will derive from owning that vehicle.
The Law of the Triangle states that when two opposing energies come together, there is the potential to create a third energy. When a man and a woman come together, the potential is to create a child. But this energy can be used to manifest whatever you desire, as well as to commune with God.
Kundalini energy is the name given to this energy that usually lays dormant at the base of the spine. Upon activation by yoga, breathing exercises, meditation, natural spiritual development, or by a partner whose kundalini has already awakened, it rises along the spine through two channels called nadis. Like two intertwined snakes, the energy crosses at each of the lower six chakras. The seventh chakra represents enlightenment. The medical caduceus, the symbol of the American Medical Association, is a graphic representation of kundalini energy rising.
In many sexual encounters, only the lower two chakras are involved. This can produce a brief flash of pleasure followed by a void because the other chakras are not involved. It can be tiring, as the sexual energy has been disbursed. Sleep often follows such encounters.
On the other hand, when a man and a woman engage in foreplay as a part of a sacred sexual experience, they act as catalysts for each other, encouraging the energy to rise in their partner. Over time, and sometimes spontaneously, this energy releases blocks in the chakras and burns off impurities in your energy bodies. As the energy rises, it is possible for both men and woman to experience multiple orgasms. Distinctions between male and female can disappear and the identification of whose orgasm is being experienced becomes blurred, as the two partners become one.
Far more sexual energy is produced by such an encounter, and aside from the obvious potential for pleasure, sacred sex strengthens the etheric body and opens passages to higher consciousness. The etheric body contains the blueprint for your physical body. A stronger etheric body can improve your health, while magnifying your desires and increasing the likelihood of their manifestation. This is especially true for thoughts you hold at the point of orgasm.
For best results, a woman must feel completely safe, loved and protected in order to release fully the energy contained within her being. This is an understandable basis for certain religious beliefs that people should only have sex within the context of marriage. The issue is not whether you have a society-approved license, but that the woman feels loved, protected and adored.
Sexual energy can also be produced by same sex relationships or by an individual alone, but in these cases you don't have the opposite polarities or the mixing of the male/female hormones and body fluids that augments the energy and brings it to its fullest expression.
Remember, each sexual encounter results in a transfer of energy. You want to be careful as to what and whose energy you're taking into your own energy bodies. Negative or low vibration energies are not conducive to becoming enlightened and will inhibit your getting closer to God. These low energies merely add to the discordant energies that must be burned off if you are seeking spiritual advancement. This is even truer for women as they are the receptacle for the male's energy.
In a committed relationship the two partners act as mirrors for each other, intensifying the purification process. The goal of our spiritual evolution is to eliminate all impurities from our energy bodies. Sacred sex intensifies the process and allows couples to eliminate the negative, while experiencing higher levels of consciousness than either partner could attain on his or her own.
When all the benefits are considered: improved health, release of impurities, strengthened etheric bodies to manifest your desires, not to mention the pleasure derived, it's a wonder more people do not pursue this ecstatic activity. Especially, when it contributes to our ultimate goal of communing with God.