Sexual Freedom

Making Love Help: How To Give Her The Best Sex Ever

2006-12-25T10:19:00.001-08:00

Life is too short to put up with a boring sex life. How to make love or please your partner isn't something that you learn at any school. Your first sex teacher is likely to have been a fellow hormonally challenged teenager who had no idea what she was doing either. Making love is something that most of us only learn about through experience and communication. But what if your partner isn't telling you what she likes and doesn't like?

You make love to your partner often enough and you've been doing it for awhile so you're pretty confident that you know what you're doing. But something is missing. Sex is just one of those things that you do together, like going out for dinner or watching a movie. And its OK. But its not great. Its a routine kind of thing. And while you tell yourself that's OK, a part of you knows that it could be so much more and that the best sex of your life is something you're starting to think you'll never get to experience. What if she is secretly unhappy too but doesn't want to say anything because she doesn't want you to feel like its your fault?

How can you inject some enthusiasm and passion when you make love? Recognizing that your love making isn't all it could be is a great first step. You could talk you her about how she's feeling but if you've got to this stage then its likely that talking about sex isn't something that either of you feel really comfortable with. This is a good opportunity to be proactive and come up with a few solutions yourself.

What is the solution? Here are a few suggestions to get you going:

VarietyIf you've been together awhile then sex can get a bit same old, same old. When you make love try new positions, new locations, new techniques. Surprise her.

Seek Out Sex Help and Find Out What You Don't KnowThere is that saying about how you don't know what you don't know and when it comes to lovemaking we all think we know what to do. But its just not true. Of course, once your eyes have been opened to the possibilities and tips and tricks that are out and really aren't that difficult to master, you'll be amazed at what you thought you knew and how you really had no idea.

Don't Just Lie ThereYou need to take charge and make sure her needs are met and you can't do that if you're lying on your back letting her do all the work. And besides you know you'll have an orgasm but you need to make sure she does and that requires effort. Before you start thinking that is unfair and asking why should you have to do all the work just remember that if she has a great time you'll have a really great time! When you do come, your orgasm will be more intense for having watched and helped her climax.

Seduce HerGuys tend to think that great sex is about what you do with your bodies but its not like that for women. Getting them in the mood for sex is just as important as what happens once you start to make love. Give her compliments (but not just when you're wanting sex!), pay attention to her, listen, and touch. Make touching an important part of the time you spend with each other, show her how much you adore her.

Being committed to improving your lovemaking and your partner's sexual experiences is going to set you on an amazing journey that will bring you closer together and guarantee you the best sex of your life. Are you ready?

I Slept with Him - Now He's Distant. What Did I do Wrong?

2006-12-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

One of Becca Bee's readers slept with her boyfriend. Now he is distant and wants some space. What should this unfortunate reader do next?

Dear Becca:

I have been dating a guy. The other day we slept together - and now he is standoffish. He told me that he needs some space, because he has a problem in his life that he has to iron out right now. I'm not sure what I should do next. Can you help?

Sincerely, 'Bewildered'

Dear Bewildered:

You are facing a commonplace dilemma. However, the reasons for this type of situation are not always the same. I will give you some points to consider - and perhaps they will help you to unravel the mystery.

Is your relationship long-term, or have you known the guy for just a few days?

Religious convictions, cultural biases, and upbringing affect everyone to varying degrees. We generally consider ourselves a liberated society - but these childhood roots go deep. Perhaps your date feels remorse and guilt. He may even consider you immoral.

Did your lovemaking go well? Were you both happy with your time in bed - or did it feel awkward in any way? Do you have a deep-rooted suspicion that something serious happened during this time?

You and your partner are the only two people who can answer these questions.

Carefully recall every detail and try to zero in on the exact moment you noticed a change in his behavior. Now mentally review the immediately preceding events. Can you remember anything specific?

Did you infer by words or actions that you expect some kind of a commitment now that your relationship has progressed to the next level?

Has your partner had other relationships with similar problems? For the answer to this question, you need to have an open discussion with him. A similar past may indicate that he is a man who feels trapped by close emotional ties.

Then there is the type of guy who enjoys chasing a woman until he catches her. Once the relationship is consummated, the euphoria of conquest dwindles and he quickly loses interest.

On the plus side: perhaps none of the above applies - and he is actually falling in love with you. He may be experiencing panic due to a fear of rejection. Once you commit to someone, your heart becomes vulnerable and easily hurt.

After you consider all of the above thoughts very carefully, you may realize that you have a reasonably good idea of when and where your problem occurred. Try to allow reason to rule over passion, then make some logical decisions based on what you know, not what you feel.

Attempt to get more feedback from him by meeting for a frank discussion. Sure, most guys don't like to talk - but use your feminine wiles or whatever else you have in your arsenal to make him comfortable before you broach the topic.

As liberated as we are supposed to be nowadays, talking about sex and relationships can make many people blush. Forget the embarrassment and forge ahead - your relationship is at stake.

Once your meeting with him is over, determine what happens next. Do you think there is anything worth salvaging? Or should you resolve to move on?

Good luck with this difficult situation!

Becca

All advice given by Becca is for entertainment purposes only. Please seek professional help for serious problems.

Free Adult Dating Site: Find Out What You Need To Know

2006-12-23T07:27:00.001-08:00

With the advent of the Internet, with its chat rooms, personals, free dating services, and even the paid sites, finding someone to date has become easier and harder at the same time. Today, there are many free online dating services as those that require memberships.

Finding the right dating service to post your profile is extremely important, but many people do not want to pay for the service. Fortunately, most free online dating services have almost the same features as the paid ones, so people can get the same benefit without having to pay for anything.

Here are some guidelines to remember when looking at free online dating sites.

1. Privacy policy Even a free online dating site has to have its own privacy policy. This means that online dating sites should never sell or use their member's e-mail address or personal information for anything else. Privacy policies usually are long and full of "legalese," but make sure you read it before posting anything on an on-line dating site!

2. Background checkingBefore you commit to a particular online dating site (or sites), check their reputation on-line. You can find a lot of information if you do a quick search.

3. Extra featuresNot all free online dating services are created equal. So, even if they are free, some can provide greater features compared to others.

4. Log-in safety measuresEven if the site seems okay, remember never to use your real name when creating a user name or use an e-mail address. It is always best to maintain certain level of secrecy for your security. Make sure you do not put any

5. Free trial offersAlmost all online dating services offer free trials. The trial membership may be limited in scope, but it wouldn't hurt to try, just as long as a person observes safety online dating guidelines. After all, there's nothing to lose because they are free.

After the free online dating service is chosen, make sure to keep a few things in mind: Your safety should always be your top priority. You cannot know someone just by their profile and speaking with them on the phone. If and when you meet your date, make sure you meet in a neutral location and you have your own way home (and will not be followed). If more people used their common sense, perhaps online dating would have a better reputation.

Relationship Problems & Advice - Providing A Fresh Approach - Part 3

2006-12-14T16:49:00.000-08:00

Here it comes. The whining whistle of the incoming mortar sings its refrain. It will land. It will explode. It will do damage. You have heard the sound of incoming before. You know it all too well. You can hear and see it coming. The tone of voice. The angry scowl. The condescending look. The raised fist.

Your instinctive ability to sense the incoming hurt causes an automatic reflex reaction, designed to protect, or to save your heart. You brace for impact. You cover your head. You duck and hide. You shut down emotionally. You prepare by getting numb with drugs or alcohol. You condition your heart with a callous covering that takes on any of a number of forms. Then when you see an opening you return fire.

Enemy or friend, you pop up for long enough to squeeze off a few carefully placed rounds. Target: their heart. Intention: to hurt, or even to kill. No, the desire is not to remove life from the person, just to remove you from the battle. The desire is to keep them far enough away so you won't get hurt... again. Very often the bullets are flying all around the kitchen, living room, dining room, bathroom, and even the bedroom. The car. The store. The party. The battlefield is everywhere.

Most of the time, these bullets are intended to be in defense only, and yet as they leave they transform into incoming for the other person. They hear the whining whistle of the incoming and brace for impact. They know the sound, too. If you're paying attention, you can actually see them take cover, shut down emotionally, hide in addiction, or even run away from the battlefield of bitterness and resentment.

Why is it that the people who are the closest to me say and do the things that hurt the most? When I return fire, what is the cost of the damage? Am I training or conditioning my loved ones to hide from me? Are they preparing for battle with me by numbing down with drugs and alcohol? Am I shooting first to minimize my own internal damage and then asking questions later? Have I managed to achieve a 1/1 incoming volley to return fire ratio? Have I managed to protect myself by conveniently keeping my close, loving relationships at an arm’s length? Have I managed to make a complete mess of things?

Here it comes again. Incoming! The choice is yours. Hide. Run. Numb. Ignore. Leave. Return fire. Raise the shield of God.

When provoked by the Philistines, what was Samson’s response? (Judges 15:15) “He found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, and put forth his hand, and took it, and struck a thousand men therewith.” I don’t know about you, but I do not desire to take this kind of revenge on anyone. Taking this type of revenge on those closest to me would be reprehensible, absolutely unacceptable. So why then, do I continue to return fire, or even shoot first?

There is never a clean shot. All wounds leave a fragment of the hurt, something like shrapnel in the heart. There is a limit to the number of hits any human heart can take before desiring to run, hide, numb, ignore, or even die. So why do we continue?

As I sit here in my foxhole, thinking about the battle, and the war, I begin to wonder. I have so many questions when I get quiet and think deeply about the relationships I have chosen, and the ones I have been gifted with.

Let’s look at the line in the sand from our side for a while. In any single relationship between two people, there are two sides to the line in the sand. Looking from the first-person view, there are MY side and YOUR side. The others out there on the other side of the line are doing what they do. I have no control over their thoughts, choices or actions. They will do whatever they choose to do.

Repeat after me. I, being on my side of the line, then, have control over only one thing: ME.

My thoughts are what I think. I will process any incoming in any way I choose. The key here is that I have a choice. I get to choose what to do with anything that comes my way from any source. I choose my thoughts, my words, and my actions. I do sometimes find myself wishing I had made a different or better choice, however. Which means that there is so much to consider when making the choice of how to respond in any given circumstance. Usually my remorse will happen within a few seconds, if not instantly!

In the next few articless we will examine some of the factors affecting the choices we get to make, so let's take some time to reflect about our choices to return fire.

Please visit http://www.worthim.com to read the complete FREE online ebook! Your relationships will benefit tremendously from this experience!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Martin_Worthington

Some Helpful Hints for Giving Wedding Speeches

2006-12-10T08:20:00.001-08:00

Giving a speech is probably the most daunting task that the best man has to do at a wedding reception. Today even the maid or matron of honor is being asked to do the same thing on the wedding reception. The problem with wedding speeches is that most people really don’t know what to say. Of course, there are a few who are gifted at writing and delivering a speech.

However, many people can suffer through a speech and have no idea about what they should say or do.

Some people can freeze in the middle of wedding speeches out of pure fright. There can be a lot of pressure to give the perfect speech. We are all afraid that the wedding speeches that we deliver may be memorable for all the wrong reasons. Some people like to use humor, but this can be very tricky. Talking about the couples first date might be funny, but Grandma won’t like it if it involves drinking and public nudity. It can be tough to think of interesting things that will interest everyone. Speakers can often feel the pressure before they even stand up and open their mouths.

You will be glad to know that you can find help if you have to give a speech soon. There are many good wedding speeches online that can be customized to suit the bride and groom. This may help you relax a little, because you will know at the very least it was a good speech when you started. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you are having trouble personalizing the speech. Remember to pick something appropriate for everyone.

Take some time to think it through, and run it by a few people before the big day if you want to write your own wedding speeches. Avoid saying anything you wouldn’t want anyone to say about you in front of all of your family and friends. It’s alright to use humor if you are sure you aren’t going to make Aunt Mary pass out. Try to keep it simple. Great wedding speeches don’t have to be long and detailed; they simply have to come from the heart. You don’t have anything to worry about if you write something that comes directly from your heart and your love of the couple.

4 Rules That Can Save Your Marriage: Rule 2

2006-12-08T16:53:00.001-08:00

Hard-hitting advice from a seasoned marriage therapist. Discover the 4 rules you should follow to perfect, improve, or save your marriage. Part 1 of 4.

The last article focused on the approach of not taking everything personally (article is available at http://www.savethemarriage.com/blog/blog.html) But there are several more rules that can help you with your marriage. The next rule is an internal understanding that will transform your external actions.

Rule 2: Honor Your Commitment

This rule may seem obvious, but it isn't always reflected in our actions toward our spouse. You see, our commitment, our promise to be together through it all, is the cement of marriage. We often underestimate the importance of commitment in our throw-away, disposable culture.

Yet powerful psychological shifts happen in a marriage as a result of commitment. Think back to your wedding vows. Most of us took a vow to stay together regardless of how our lives are going. We promise to "hang in there," through thick-and-thin, regardless of how our emotions are running at any particular time.

Think for a moment about the power of knowing that someone makes a promise to get through any difficulty with you. That completely frees you up to work on the relationship, to resolve your difficulties, because at the end of the day, you will be together.

In other words, commitment is the glue of a marriage. In fact, while we may center marriages on lots of other ideals or attributes, this is the one that carries the day. Center a marriage on happiness, and when there is a period that lacks in happiness, there is no foundation. Center a marriage of great sex, and when they fails, there is no safety net. Center a marriage on any particular goal, and when that goal is met (money, kids, careers, etc.), there isn't anywhere to go. But commitment is a continual event, and one that we can maintain by our own choice.

Don't get me wrong. I recognize this is easier said than done, but isn't that the point? Marriage is about consciously choosing the direction of the relationship, rather than being blown by external events and expectations.

Which leads me to one of the implications for this rule: don't threaten to leave or divorce in the midst of conflict. I have seen far too many couples where the basic level of trust between them has been eroded by threats of divorce or one leaving for a period of time.

The effect of this is to undermine the glue of commitment. It basically creates the message that as long as things are going well, you will stay around. But when things get tough, you change the rules and decide to leave. That is not an environment conducive to working out a relationship. It means that one or both people are always on guard of being left.

It reminds me of a book I recently saw in the bookstore on wedding vows. The author, I think with the best of intentions, stated her belief that vows need to be changed to reflect the "temporary nature of marriages." She suggested that a promise could be made "as long as we love each other," or "as long as we want to be together" as a substitute for "as long as we both shall live." That is not a vow! That is basically a statement that "I promise to stay with you until I decide not to." There is not a lot of stability to build upon.

When we make a vow, we assume we have some control over the outcome. If I commit to staying in a marriage, I have control over that. When things get difficult, I can continue to rely on the fact that I made a promise, and therefore, I will work it out.

Which brings me to the second major implication of this rule: a marriage built on commitment means that both people can relax into the marriage and drop the basic fear that the other person is going to leave. By relax, I don't mean "let it go, but rather a realization that fear is not necessary. In fact, it gives me full ownership of the relationship. I am responsible for my half of the commitment, and must make it work for myself and for my spouse. And if both people are willing to focus on the commitment, the reverse is also happening.

So today, make a decision to be committed in your relationship. Don't avoid the commitment, but embrace it as the direction through difficulty. Take a look in the mirror and see someone taking responsibility for your half of the marriage staying together for as long as your vows suggested.

Sacred Sex

2006-12-07T13:30:00.001-08:00

To many people the words sacred and sex do not belong in the same sentence. To the mystic this is a way to improve our health, strengthen our energy bodies, help manifest our heart's desires, with the ultimate goal of communing with God.

Human sexual energy is among the most potent energies found on earth. The drive to mate is innate in human beings. Marketers use this drive to sell just about every product imaginable, from luxury goods to simple grooming items. You do not have to be a marketing wizard to recognize a long sports car sliding on a rain-slicked road hints at the sexual satisfaction you will derive from owning that vehicle.

The Law of the Triangle states that when two opposing energies come together, there is the potential to create a third energy. When a man and a woman come together, the potential is to create a child. But this energy can be used to manifest whatever you desire, as well as to commune with God.

Kundalini energy is the name given to this energy that usually lays dormant at the base of the spine. Upon activation by yoga, breathing exercises, meditation, natural spiritual development, or by a partner whose kundalini has already awakened, it rises along the spine through two channels called nadis. Like two intertwined snakes, the energy crosses at each of the lower six chakras. The seventh chakra represents enlightenment. The medical caduceus, the symbol of the American Medical Association, is a graphic representation of kundalini energy rising.

In many sexual encounters, only the lower two chakras are involved. This can produce a brief flash of pleasure followed by a void because the other chakras are not involved. It can be tiring, as the sexual energy has been disbursed. Sleep often follows such encounters.

On the other hand, when a man and a woman engage in foreplay as a part of a sacred sexual experience, they act as catalysts for each other, encouraging the energy to rise in their partner. Over time, and sometimes spontaneously, this energy releases blocks in the chakras and burns off impurities in your energy bodies. As the energy rises, it is possible for both men and woman to experience multiple orgasms. Distinctions between male and female can disappear and the identification of whose orgasm is being experienced becomes blurred, as the two partners become one.

Far more sexual energy is produced by such an encounter, and aside from the obvious potential for pleasure, sacred sex strengthens the etheric body and opens passages to higher consciousness. The etheric body contains the blueprint for your physical body. A stronger etheric body can improve your health, while magnifying your desires and increasing the likelihood of their manifestation. This is especially true for thoughts you hold at the point of orgasm.

For best results, a woman must feel completely safe, loved and protected in order to release fully the energy contained within her being. This is an understandable basis for certain religious beliefs that people should only have sex within the context of marriage. The issue is not whether you have a society-approved license, but that the woman feels loved, protected and adored.

Sexual energy can also be produced by same sex relationships or by an individual alone, but in these cases you don't have the opposite polarities or the mixing of the male/female hormones and body fluids that augments the energy and brings it to its fullest expression.

Remember, each sexual encounter results in a transfer of energy. You want to be careful as to what and whose energy you're taking into your own energy bodies. Negative or low vibration energies are not conducive to becoming enlightened and will inhibit your getting closer to God. These low energies merely add to the discordant energies that must be burned off if you are seeking spiritual advancement. This is even truer for women as they are the receptacle for the male's energy.

In a committed relationship the two partners act as mirrors for each other, intensifying the purification process. The goal of our spiritual evolution is to eliminate all impurities from our energy bodies. Sacred sex intensifies the process and allows couples to eliminate the negative, while experiencing higher levels of consciousness than either partner could attain on his or her own.

When all the benefits are considered: improved health, release of impurities, strengthened etheric bodies to manifest your desires, not to mention the pleasure derived, it's a wonder more people do not pursue this ecstatic activity. Especially, when it contributes to our ultimate goal of communing with God.

3 Tips On How To Effectively Overcome Premature Ejaculation

2006-12-05T16:21:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for free tips on how to overcome premature ejaculation, this is the article you are looking for. This is going to help a lot if you follow the instructions correctly. Read on to know why...

If you are looking for free tips on how to overcome premature ejaculation, this is the article you are looking for. This is going to help a lot if you follow the instructions correctly.

Here are some tips:

1- Breathe deeply and continuously

Breathing, believe it or not, is a good method to overcome premature ejaculation. Why? Because the less oxygen the penis receives, the less blood that flows in and out of it. And if the penis has a high quantity of blood in it, it's more sensitive and stressed, therefore, causing it to ejaculate quicker than you desire. So, remember to breathe deeply and continuously.

2- Masturbate before sexual intercourse

This could be a remedy for some, and a bad thing for the rest. But, talking about it as a remedy, it helps because you ejaculate before intercourse which means that the penis is a LOT more relaxed. So, it can last longer than if you didn't masturbate before.

3- Squeezing

This can be done during the intercourse. You just press the end of the penile shaft when you feel you are going to ejaculate in a few. Pressing the penile shaft causes the penis to lose some stimulation, therefore, you can continue without ejaculating. Don't be late! If you let the penis be too close to ejaculate, you have less chance of stopping its stimulation.

Porn Video: Pros & Cons

2006-12-04T18:01:00.001-08:00

Though the article might contain several controversial points there is a grain of truth in it as well.

What is the pornography? Is it a harmless hobby for some to enjoy in their personal lives? A sex aid to help spice up ones love life? Or is it a form of infidelity? According to statistics about 60% of men ages between 18 and 40 visit pornographic sites, browse through magazines, and watch adult porn movies. (I believe that the percentage is even higher. Perhaps, the numbers are influenced by geo-political factors.) Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to prevent pornography from falling into children’s hands. Very often, it is a lack of parental supervision. I am sure that most of the parents are not thrilled about the fact that they are partially responsible for their children being exposed to pornography. But the article is not about that. Pornography can also be destructive to some adults. Women start comparing themselves with slim busty porn stars and feel very uncomfortable and inferior. So, why do men watch porn? Why are there billions of dollars each year being spent on adult DVDs and other pornographic products? Hot girls with firm bodies and D-size breasts are not the main reason why men watch porn. Men want to see women who love sex, and are open to perform in a way that is full of lust and passion. Good looks are desirable but not the only quality that turns men on. These women are ready to fulfill every man’s desire and every wild fantasy. They are not exhausted by day-to-day routine. Their sex drive is not hindered by their busy day at work, raising children, cooking, and so on. Men watch porn movies and let their imagination and fantasies run away with them. We all do the same when we watch a good movie in a theater or read an intriguing book. So, why should pornographic material cause worry? According to some psychologists virtual sex has become a part of day-to-day life. They call pornography a kind of infidelity.

One point of view is that men are getting used to it in a way similar to that of people become addicted to alcohol, nicotine or other drugs. This kind of psychological dependence is hard to get rid of. In reality anything that produces a pleasurable feeling or emotion can become addicting to some. There are people who are addicted to food, television, and in some cases even sleep.

It doesn’t mean that virtual sex and pornography will affect most healthy men’s psychology. Not at all. It’s not a reason to break out one more Witch Hunt against pornography. Men watching porn movies from time to time, browsing through magazines with images of nude girls are all part of stimulating fantasy and sex-dreams. It’s a form of self-satisfaction, like masturbation. It’s one of characteristics peculiar to human sexuality. So when does pornography become a problem?This happens when pornography starts doing harm to your relationships. Some men become so enthralled in virtual sex that they begin to neglect their partners. That is a sure sign that it’s time to end their porn habit. For a majority of women the most offensive thing is when their partner try to keep their porn habits a secret. Many women associate such behavior with lies and betrayal. This may become a reason for relationships to break up. On the same note women should not be too harsh on their partners: for some men watching porn videos is the only way to avoid the temptation of real infidelity. The best solution is for you and your partner to openly discuss this problem and come to some form of understanding about one another’s needs. Many couples can learn to enjoy porn movies together. In fact porn videos have become a stimulating element in sexual lives of many couples. But if your partner keeps his avocation in secret, it may mean that he attaches more importance to it than is healthy. Try to analyze your relationships. Pornography may be a way for some to compensate where they feel that they lack attention or care. Try to discuss this problem in a calm open manner with your partner. Listen to your partner and pay attention to your relationship to make sure that he is not being neglected and pushed to using pornography as a means to satisfy his needs.

Choosing a Sex Toy Right for You

2006-12-04T02:34:00.001-08:00

Many women around the world are thinking of buying a vibrator. There may be dozens of various reasons for such a decision, but the thing is it's not as simple as it may seem to choose the right one for oneself. If you are serious about buying this sex toy for yourself, your partner, or both of you, take some time to answer several questions. This will help you understand what kind of vibrator you need for highest sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

Going directly to the store, no matter if it's an on-line store or a physical one, may leave you frustrated: there are several hundreds (if not thousands) of various types of vibrators. Sometimes they are labeled as "Basic Vibrators" and "Multi-Sensation Vibrators". The latter possess more complex design and are intended for simultaneous stimulation of various erogenous areas (for example: G-spot and the clitoris). Basic vibrators are also used for sexual stimulation as well as in massage. They have more primitive shape, usually not penis-shaped, and have fewer operating modes.

The first question you should answer is: what kind of stimulation do you need? Internal or external? Clitoral? Vaginal? Anal? G-spot? Or perhaps you need a combination of stimulations on parts listed here? Basic Vibes used for solely clitoral stimulation and Multi-sensation vibrators for clitoris may be practically of any kind: butterflies, remote control panties, finger-shaped, etc. The thing is that most vibes for internal stimulation may also be used for external one. The only limitation here is vibration intensity a woman may need to get real sensual pleasure.

Here we come to the second question: how intense should the vibration be? Of course, it'll be rather difficult to answer this question if it's your first experience with a vibrator. Use your natural masturbation technique as a guide. Do you like a softer touch, more pressure, faster movement, etc…? Think of the way you are rubbing yourself while masturbating. This will give you a slight hint. Usually electric, especially plug-in models vibrate with the most intensity. They are used for erotic massage as well and if a vibe is only 1 AA-battery-operated, it will give you slight vibration. Multi-sensation vibes allow you for a wider choice because, as a rule, they have more operating modes. There are multi-speed basic vibrators as well.

The next important thing is the material. The most popular materials are plastic, latex, silicone, jelly and Cyberskin.

Cyberskin ( or Ultraskin, Eroskin, Realistic, Softskin, Cyber Jel-lee, Futurotic and UR3.)- material, imitates that of human skin. It is soft and maintains warmth. It is also very flexible and elastic. Products made of Cyberskin should be cleansed with "renewal" talc to extend their working life. You may also use special lubricants. The pleasure you get from these products is worth their price. Besides, this material is considered to be the least allergenic.

Silicone Silicone is close to Cyberskin material. Sex toys made of silicone are also known as hypo-allergenic. They don't need special treatment and may be washed with warm water and soap. They have a long working life and are less expensive than Cyberskin sex toys.

Jelly sex toys are a good combination of price and quality. They are not as soft and realistic as Cyberskin sex toys, but applying sufficient water-based lubricants may make up the deficiency. Jelly toys are not as allergic-free. The material is more porous and can't be completely sterilized.

Latex is harder in texture than "realistic" or jelly material. It won't give you that realistic sensation. Latex sex toys are considerably cheaper but have a shorter working life. Not completely allergen-free.

Plastic sex toys are cold, hard and inflexible. Some of them vibrate very intensively and for that reason some people enjoy them. They aren't allergen-free and need good cleaning.

The next question is whether it should be a battery-powered or electric vibrator. Today most vibes are battery powered. As a rule they are less expensive, made of different variety of materials, and have an array of shapes and sizes. Pocket vibrators which are usually battery operated are compact enough to take with you anywhere. The disadvantage of battery-powered vibrators is that they have a shorter working life and fail faster than electric ones.

Electric vibrators are more expensive as they are considered to be of a better quality. Some of them need to be plugged in while others are rechargeable. These types of vibrators tend to be noisier.

Portable pocket vibrators are small but they are used mainly for clitoral stimulation. Take into consideration the girth of the toy as it may be as important as vibration intensity, but be careful when choosing a vibrator for anal stimulation. Choose a toy that is not too thick that it could cause too much discomfort or possible damage to the anal region. Always remember to use generous amounts of lube.

And the last point to mention is toy's appearance. There's a great variety of models. They differ in color, shape, and sizes. Some look very realistic, while others resemble a pocket torch made in a shape of ballistic rocket. When choosing a vibrator try to remember some of your hottest sexual experiences and choose a vibe that looks appealing and attractive to you. If choosing a toy for both you and your partner find one that appeals to both of you, for maximal enjoyment.

I want to make a comment that I don't pretend to be a complete guru on the subject of sex toys, but I hope this short overview was helpful. I also hope you make the right choice with you new sex toy and discover amazing, new sexual pleasures.

I Love Her, but She Just Wants to be Friends - any Advice?

2006-12-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

Relationships are tough at the best of times. What happens if you are in love with a girl who just wants to be 'friends'? Becca Bee shares her thoughts.

Dear Becca:

I have been friends with this girl for about three years. We have become very close over that time. We hang out a lot, we have gotten physical in the past (no sex), but always kept it loose. We even 'sleep together' on occasion.

Here is my problem. I have fallen in love with her. She knows about it, and is not completely opposed to the idea of us dating. However, she doesn't want to lose me as a friend if we were to break up. She has in the past been in situations like ours and has lost good friends because of it. I really want to see what could happen with this relationship. I just have no idea what I should do, because in my heart I know I can't go back. Any ideas?

Sincerely, 'Confused'

Dear Confused:

I have been trying to determine how old you are. You appear to have a good command of grammar. Given the clues in your letter, I am guessing that you are not a young teenager. My advice for someone who is thirteen years of age is different than it would be for an adult.

As human beings, we are very adaptable and can fall in love with more than one personality type. However, puppy love crushes aside, we usually know deep down when we are absolutely devoted to another person.

So, I have to ask you: are you really and truly, body and soul, in love with this girl? She appears to have some kind of affection for you at this point. That could change; but after three years, if love were to flower, there should be at least a blossom sprouting at this point.

Have you lavished gifts on her? Is she stringing you along because she doesn't want the gravy train to stop? Be honest.

How many good friends has she lost in the past? A couple of similar situations may be isolated instances. However, three or more unsuccessful affairs may be evidence of a trend. This girl may be shallow and incapable of a loving relationship right now. Or she may really have been hurt by someone in the past.

You need to sit down with her and discuss her past relationships in depth. Don't let love blind you. Before your discussion, write down or type out some questions. Try to anticipate what she might say and think of more questions - sort of like a computer flowchart. Spend some time with what you have written and try to commit it to memory (not word for word - just the general gist of everything).

The very act of flowcharting may give you some direction and open your mind to possibilities you hadn't previously considered.

If you and the girl cannot come to a meeting of the minds after your heart-to-heart discussion, it might be wise to seek out professional help.

The rest of your life may be at stake here. Use your head - and not the little one - in a mature way.

All the best!

Becca

All advice given by Becca is for entertainment purposes only. Please seek professional help for serious problems.

Love Letter Writing Guide - How to Write Romantic Love Letters

2006-12-02T21:21:00.001-08:00

What can be more romantic than sending a handwritten love letter to your loved one, full of romantic words and genuine feelings you have for him/her?

Love letters are one of the best ways to show your special loved ones how you feel for them and how much you love them.

A heartfelt love letter also makes the perfect gift for Valentine's Day, but you don't have to just limit yourself to that specific day. Every day is a great opportunity to make your loved one happy by sharing your deepest feelings with him/her.

The great thing about love letters is that you don't have to be a poet or a skilled "writer" to be able to write them. Everyone - and I really mean "everyone" - can do it.

Because they are just about putting your romantic feelings into words genuinely - even in very simple words. This openness is what makes love letters special.

To write a more romantic and heart warming letter, here are some questions that will give you good ideas to write about:

Idea #1: What was the first time you felt you were in love with him/her? Did anything special happen that made you realize your love?

You can describe in clear details how it happened and how you felt and it will mean the world to your loved one. I promise. :-)

Idea #2: What is the #1 thing he/she has that makes you feel so much in love with him/her whenever you think about it? It could be about looks or about personality.

For example you may say "the way her face shines when she smiles", or "the way his eyes always bring peace and love to me when I look into them."

Idea #3: What positive changes have you made since he/she has entered your life? What valuable lessons have you learned from him/her?

For example it could be that before you met him/her, you were pretty shy and didn't fully believe in yourself and your unique abilities, but he/she helped you love yourself more and be proud of who you are.

When your loved one reads this, she will practically feel on clouds because he/she sees what a big difference he/she had made in your life.

Idea #4: It's also a good idea to include a heartfelt romantic love poem at the end or the beginning of your letter. Sometimes nothing can show how we feel better and deeper than a good poem.

Idea #5: And as the last tip: Don't forget to say "I Love You" at the end of your letter. This simple yet effective sentence will really seal the deal in your loved one's mind.

Wish you a wonderful life full of love,

Ladan Lashkari

Tantra

2006-12-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

TANTRA. What image does that word conjure up in your mind? Promiscuous sex? Mate swapping? Orgies? Group sex? Nudist camps? Massage with freebies on the side?

How about none of the above?

Tantra is revealed as a practical and yes, “respectable” yoga that slows the aging process, utilizes sexual energy for health, joy, peace and love. Great sex is a by products of this ancient yoga.

While other yoga and fitness practices focus on the external muscles of the physical body, the emphasis in Tantra is on isolating and exercising the internal muscles, including the muscle of the mind. A wholesome approach to sexuality, tantra yoga can be learned even if you have never done any kind of yoga or exercise in the past. Many of the exercises, dances and meditations are not only fun to do, but serve a deeper purpose.

Over a thousand years ago meditation masters in India and Tibet were practicing this very highly secret tradition called Tantra. Today we merge these secret Eastern techniques along with contemporary Western methods to stimulate the internal organs, invigorate the hormone producing endocrine glands that balance energy for better health, focus and creativity.

Mastering sexual energy is not something learned overnight, or at weekend workshops. There is so much more. Activating sexual energy rejuvenates the body and frees the mind from daily stresses. And sex? You can experience the best sex you have ever had if you commit yourself to doing these meditation practices everyday.

Why? Beyond ecstasy is your Self. When you transcend mind through meditation, your heart opens, and your Soul becomes fully present. Although you may have tasted this blissful place for a moment, tantric discipline enables you to live in this state permanently. When you find that deep heart space with your lover, the flow of sexual energy opens you both to a new dimension where the joining of energy and consciousness becomes a microcosm of the Divine Union.

A loving relationship, blissfulness, peace of mind, self-confidence, the ability to focus, being grounded, creativity, health, creating and manifesting the kind of life you want to live become your experience once you have had a glimpse of who you really are. When you have tasted the fruits of this work, your life will never be the same.

For more information, please go to:

http://www.theworldoftantra.com

http://www.theworldoftantra.net

To contact the author, please email:

devi_cloudwalker@hotmail.com

Making Love Help: How To Give Her The Best Sex Ever

2006-12-01T15:01:00.000-08:00

Relationship Rescue - 5 Ways to Sweeten a Sour Relationship

2006-11-30T12:36:00.001-08:00

In relationships you both need to feel special and sexy and appreciated as much as one another, but when you have been in a relationship for a while it’s easy to take one another for granted. The more your partner feels loved, the more loving they will be in return. Here’s five ways to make your partner feel like they are the most important thing in your life – they are, aren’t they?

Pay meaningful compliments

You know how good it feels when your partner notices that you dressed up specially, just for them? They like to feel that good, too. Pay enough attention to what your partner does and says so that when you pay them a compliment, it really means something. Tell him the lawn looks great after he’s spent two hours giving it a trim. Thank her for remembering to record the footie for you.

Listen when they talk.

And that means active listening, not just nodding and saying ‘Uh huh’ once in a while. Ask real questions and then listen to the answers, make it a proper conversation.

Say thank you.

It’s easy to take the things someone does for granted – and after a while, it starts to feel like you’re taking them for granted too. Among the best relationship advice you’ll ever get is to say thank you - often! Thank you for making breakfast. Thank you for taking out the rubbish. Thank you for making me feel so good. One male friend tells me that the one thing his wife does that makes him feel great is – saying thank you after they make love. Which leads us to…

Get physical.

Express your affection physically. Touch your partner a lot. What is your partner’s favourite touch? Try to find opportunities to use it – and not just sexually. The extra hug at the door, a kiss that lasts a few seconds longer than it needs to be – all of those touches help make someone feel extra special.

Surprise them.

Call your partner at lunch just to tell them you can’t wait for them to get home. Take him out for dinner for a change – and pick up the tab yourself. Buy her flowers for no reason at all. Whisper to him that you “Oops! Forgot your knickers in your rush to get dressed for dinner”.

And here’s a bonus just because you read all the way to the end – say the words. Just tell them out loud how sexy, fantastic, intelligent, charming and fun they are. Practice positive communication from the start and you’ll never need relationship rescue.

Chris Norton writes for Armchair Advice. Armchair Advice is a UK website providing specialist job loss and relationship rescue. Whether you require emotional support, financial advice or divorce solicitors, you can find them all at Armchair Advice.

For more information please visit Armchair Advice.

6 Great Ways To Improve Your Social Skills

2006-11-30T02:37:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for a way to improve your social skills, there are many resources available that will assist you in refining your social skills and improving the way you communicate with others.

It's not only possible to learn how to improve your social
skills; it's easier than you think.

Imagine how much simpler your life would be if you could
rid yourself of nagging self-doubt and have confidence
knowing you can handle any social situation.

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to excel at
socializing? Learning how to improve your social skills
will give you the ability to know what to say in any
situation and be the type of person others love to be
around.

You can develop the skills needed to start a conversation
with anyone you encounter, deal effectively with awkward
situations, accept rejection gracefully, and win the
approval and appreciation of all that you encounter.

You will be able to read the body language of others,
effectively solve problems, and develop the ability to
diffuse sensitive situations with seemingly little effort.

In the process of learning how to improve your social
skills, your self-esteem will soar and your confidence will
reach an all-time high.

Here are 6 great tips you can use today:

1. Awareness of your own interaction with other people is
the first step in improving your social skills.

Learn to identify which types of situations make you
uncomfortable and then modify your behavior to achieve
positive results is a critical step in improving your
social skills.

You can learn to become aware of behaviors in other people
that prompt you to respond in negative ways and modify your
own behavior to turn the situation into a positive
experience.

2. You must accept responsibility for your own behavior and
do not fear apologizing for errors in judgment or
insensitive actions.

Asking others for honest feedback about the way you
interact with others can be very helpful. Accept the
negative feedback along with the positive and make changes
accordingly.

3. Your non-verbal communication is equally as important as
the things that you say. Positive body language is
extremely important in your interactions with other people.

If your words and your actions do not match, you will have
a difficult time succeeding in social situations.

4. In order to learn how to improve your social skills, you
must become and great listener. You must fight the urge to
respond immediately and really listen to what the other
person is trying to communicate.

Offering suggestions or criticism before you are certain of
the other person's intent can only lead to frustration for
both parties.

5. Improving your social skills is a process and cannot be
accomplished overnight. Trying to improve or change too
many things at once will be counter-productive.

You will become discouraged and overwhelmed if you attempt
to change your entire personality all at once. Choose one
or two traits at a time and work on those over a period of
time. Learn to take advantage of your personal strengths
and make a positive impact on others.

6. Maximize your positive personality traits and use them
in your interactions with others. Good communication and
great listening skills are the most important tools you can
use in improving your social skills.

You can learn how to improve your social skills by
developing excellent listening skills, learning to resolve
problems and conflicts, understanding body language, and
accepting responsibility for your own negative behavior.

Determination and self-awareness will make your desire to
improve your social skills a reality.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

5 Tips: How To Look Younger Without Botox Or Surgery

2006-11-29T13:39:00.000-08:00

Eternal youth. That seems to be what so many beautiful people seem to be searching for. The ability to look unaffected by the passage of time. Wrinkle free faces. The body of a 60 year old that looks like a svelte twenty year old. You see that quite often in Hollywood.

First, there was plastic surgery Now there is botox. Where a toxin is injected into your face to paralyze your facial muscles, to erase the lines on your face.

Scary isn't it? Then again, if you were gorgeous in your youth, if your face were your fortune, wouldn't you do everything possible to preserve your youthful appearance for as long as possible.

Time is relentless. You get older every year. Your face and your body will age. But you can age beautifully. If you keep fit, exercise and watch your diet, your body can still be svelte late in life. It would get harder with time, but with enough discipline and effort, you can still keep your figure.

It is harder when it comes to your skin. Sure, there is botox and plastic surgery. An alternative you can turn to when nothing else works. Until then, there are less invasive, needle free means to erase wrinkles, or at very least to appear younger than you really are.

#1 Microdermabrasion

Have you ever tried clinical microdermabrasion. It is like a facial where the doctor blasts tiny crystals onto your face, to smooth your skin. You have to go for a few treatments but it is effective. Lines diminish. Even acne prone skin improves with this treatment. Best of all, the treatment does not burn your skin with acid and you don't look like an escapee from a horror movie during recovery time.

These days, you can even do that at home. There are even do it yourself microdermabrasion kits you can use in the comfort of your own home.

Other than physically erasing the lines on your face, you can appear younger if you dress, and act younger. An exuberant woman, full of life looks years younger than she actually is. Look at Diane Keaton, born in January 5, 1946 which makes her almost 60 years old. She certainly doesn't look her age. That brings us to the next few tips.

#2 Hairstyle

Rather than stick to a conservative hairstyle, go for a younger, more carefree look. You'll look years younger that way. It can be as simple as a change from a conservative side part to a younger, carefree center part. Or you can visit your hairdresser for a younger makeover.

#3 Fragrance

A young vibe makes you appear younger. A young fragrance makes you seem much younger than you really are. In a study, women who wore scents with pink grapefruit notes appeared, on average, 6 years younger than their actual age according to the men who were surveyed. Details about that can be found at http://www.perfume-online.org/PinkGrapefruitPerfumes.html

#4 Lighting

Finally, the lighting you appear in can make you look older or younger than you really are. In harsh bright, unflattering light, you could look years younger. In soft, gentle, flattering light, you look younger. Everyone looks better by candle light. Installing light dimmers, on every light in your home allows you to look younger at home. http://www.candleslighting.com/light-dimmers.htm explains why.

#5 Makeup

When all else fails, cheat. Use a makeup primer after your moisturizer to fill in all the lines on your face. Then apply makeup in a color that matches your skin tone exactly, over the primer for that flawless look. You might want to mix 2 makeup colors together for that ideal shade.

Here is where you can find home microdermabrasion kits to smooth away the lines and to clarify your skin.

Pregnancy Symptoms and Signs

2006-11-29T02:31:00.000-08:00

How can you tell if you are pregnant? There are a number of signs and symptoms to watch for. Chances are you will only experience a portion of the symptoms. Each pregnancy is different, and the same mom to be can experience different pregnancy signs each time she gets pregnant.

Pregnancy symptoms can begin for some mothers immediately after conception. Some pregnancy signs require that you chart your cycle, noting your daily basal body temperature.

Implantation

While a rare minority will experience pregnancy symptoms sooner, typically the first pregnancy signs occur when your baby implants around 8-10 days after ovulation. Implantation causes an increase in progesterone levels, which can lead to higher temperatures giving you a tri-phasic chart. If you temperature remains high for fifteen or more days after ovulation, you may be pregnant. Some women will see a slight temperature drop at implantation. Implantation bleeding sometimes occurs and can be pink, red, or brown in color. You may also have lower abdominal cramps.

Positive Pregnancy Test

The next and best sign that you are pregnant is a positive pregnancy test. Home pregnancy tests measure the pregnancy hormone hCG in your urine. The most sensitive home pregnancy tests will show a positive result when the hCG levels reach 20, which can happen as early as four days before your period is due, or approximately 10 days after ovulation.

False negatives are common when testing early with a home pregnancy test, so I recommend you wait to use one until eighteen days after ovulation to avoid false negatives. The usual recommendation is to wait until 14 days after ovulation before testing. Blood serum pregnancy tests performed by your doctor are much more sensitive. They can detect hCG levels as low as five. If you continue to experience pregnancy symptoms, but your home pregnancy test continues to show negative, you can make an appointment with your doctor to confirm your pregnancy.

Missed Period

One of the most common pregnancy signs is a missed period. For women with a standard 28-day cycle, their period is late if it has not arrived fifteen days after ovulation, or twenty-nine days after the first day of their cycle. Elevated basal body temperatures for 15 or more days will typically accompany the missed period.

Frequent Urination

Frequent urination is a very common early symptom of pregnancy. You may find yourself unable to be away from a bathroom for more than hour at a time, or waking up in the middle of the night to urinate.

Morning Sickness

Morning sickness can begin as early as 2 to 4 weeks after conception. The term morning sickness is something of a misnomer, as you can experience the nausea and vomiting throughout the day. Morning sickness typically is worst during the first trimester, and most pregnant women will have their morning sickness symptoms lessen or subside completely during the second or third trimester.

Breast Changes

Breast tenderness usually begins around 3 to 4 weeks after conception. This can also be a sign of your impending period. Usually the degree of breast tenderness is much stronger with pregnancy than with your period. You may also notice a slight tingling sensation.

Another change to your breasts early in pregnancy is the appearance. Your areolas can become larger and darker.

Fatigue

Fatigue can be an early sign of pregnancy. This symptom is not just being a little tired; it is more like feeling totally wiped out. Your normal daily activities can send you to complete exhaustion.

Body Discomforts

The physical and hormonal changes you experience with pregnancy can cause a long list of body changes that are annoying and uncomfortable. You may experience headaches, backaches, acne, constipation, heartburn, mood swings, constipation, diarrhea, bloating, indigestion, and abdominal cramps.

Food Cravings

Food cravings are a very common pregnancy symptom. Approximately 85% of women will experience some type of food craving during their pregnancy.

Food Aversions

The other side of food cravings is food aversions. They are also a very common sign of early pregnancy. You may find that a favorite food suddenly makes you feel nauseated just thinking about it.

Smell Aversions

A heightened sense of smell may cause some odors to seem stronger than normal when you are pregnant. Some smell aversions can cause food aversions.

Baby Movement

You can feel your baby moving as early as 16 weeks, but for first-time mothers may not feel the baby moving until 20 weeks or more.

Intuition

For some women, they just “feel” pregnant, even though they have had no other signs or symptoms. A mother's intuition is frequently accurate.

It is possible to experience some of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, yet still not be pregnant. It is important that both you and your baby get under a doctor’s care as early as possible. If you think you might be pregnant, treat your body as if you are pregnant until you know for sure. Take a home pregnancy test if you miss your period. If the test shows positive, then you are pregnant. Congratulations!

Elleth Faewen is a wife who has lost three pregnancies, one to stillbirth, one to miscarriage, and one to an ectopic pregnancy. She founded Baby Talk Zone as a friendly online resource for those pregnant, trying to conceive, and adopting. Elleth is currently on the waiting list for IVF. You can visit her online forum at http://www.babytalkzone.com

Baby Talk Zone provides a free pregnancy due date calculator http://www.babytalkzone.com/duedatecalculator and a free downloadable monthly ovulation cycle chart in both Fahrenheit and Celsius http://www.babytalkzone.com/chart-your-monthly-cycle

Free Penis Enlargement Exercises

2006-11-28T15:22:00.001-08:00

Alright guys, I decided to let you in on a little preview of what Penis enlargement ( PE ) is all about. I'm going to give you the basic routine that most people do in their first month of PE. I'm pretty sure that you'll be positively surprised at the results and will want to continue or get into the more advanced routines.

Alright well first off, the most important thing to remember is that consistency is key. It's THE MOST important thing to successful PE. You have to be dedicated to the task at hand ( no pun intended ). I've done it both ways, being constant & NOT being constant. Let me tell you, I tell everyone now how much of a difference it makes. Truthfully, when I wasn't consistant, I was more prone to injury, & I lacked gains. But since I've restarted, I haven't missed a day of my preset "pe" days, and it shows.

Most people preach the 3 on 1 off 2 on 1 off. Wich means, you do PE for 3 days then take a day off, then you do 2 days on and another day off. But personally, I went with another type of routine. My routine is more like this: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday are my "on" days. Wednesday, and the weekend I don't do anything. It's been working great for me. You shouldn't workout everyday, since your penis needs to rebuild itself to get bigger. Not giving it enough time to rebuild itself is just like taking a step forward and two steps back. It'll hurt your results. So even though your in a hurry to make those gains, stick to the days your put as your "on" days and ONLY those days.

Alright, now for the first technique. It's called the PC flex. It's probably one of the more helpfull exercises in PE since it's the exercise that gives you those rock-hard erections. These exercises train, well, your PC muscle. What muscle is that? Well have you ever stopped been peeing and stopped so you could hear what your drunk friend was saying outside the door, or just stopped peing in the middle of the act? Well the PC was responsible for that. So do what you did to stop your flow, come on, do it now...You should feel a squeeze from under your package and in front of your anus. That's where the PC is, and you just basically did a PC flex! Now how easy was that?! So now, since your just starting, your PC needs to become stronger, and we do that one step at a time.

Alright, here's what you do: Do these flexes for 5 min during your first week. You can do them whenever, wherever you like. I do them sitting at work in front of my computer. You don't need to have a hard-on to do these. After that first week, raise it to 10min; 3rd week, 20 min & 4th week, 30 min. From now on you don't need to add any more minutes. Always do 30min from now on. I used to do them for an hour, but I developped back pains, but now, no pain, all gain. Only do PC flexes on your on days, it also needs rest to become stronger. In no time, you'll have hard as hell erections, and you could learn to control your ejaculations. Wich is something for another article all-together. Doing ONLY this exercise could give you gains in your girth from the increased bloodflow. Not alot tough, since you need to do other exercises to stretch to allow more blood in and create more places for blood to go in.

The second exercise is the basis of all the lenght exercises, the Long Schlong. This is pretty easy to do. Just grab your penis under the head with an ok grip. An ok grip is just making an "O" with your thumb and index finger. So do that and stretch in front of you and hold it there for 15 secs. After that massage. Now repeat this for every direction: Up,Down,Left,Right,Straight out. Make sure you massage in between every rep. Do 4 sets in all directions. Don't pull too hard until you feel pain though, you should only pull until you feel a good stretch. We don't want you to go injuring your favorite member now do we? Oh and if your having a hard time getting a good grip on your soldier, I use toilet paper. If you can find something softer wich still gives you a good grip, then go for it. I've even heard of people using boxers. Even though I can't see how well that can work... You may start to get an erection since it's your first time. It can be annoying, but don't sweat it, it's happenned to EVERYONE. Just give it time and that'll go away.

Next up, the basis of all PE, the Jelq. This is mainly go girth, you'll be using this pretty much throughout your PE journey.

For this exercise you should use lubrication. Preferably water based. Baby oil is a popular choice. I myself use Stives moisturizer but might switch to baby oil after my supply runs out. You'll be using lubrication for most of your girth work, so you should get some before you start. And Baby oil doesn't look as bad as buying Vaseline wich is part of alot of jokes. You should always do your girth exercises after your stretching exercises for this reason, since you'll probably have a hard time grabbing your head and getting a good grip if it's lubricated. Now, for the exercise, first off, get yourself an 80% erection. I usually know I'm at around 80% when I'm hard but I can still bend it pretty easily. Once you've got that taken care of, make an ok grip at the base and slide it up towards the head. This should take about 2-3 secs. Make sure your pushing the blood and not just the skin. Now when your up at the head, switch hands and start again. Do 25 of these in your first week. Then, each week, add another set of 25. Continue like this until you reach 200 jelqs, wich should be around the end of your second month. Remember to always massage after each set. This'll help prevent injury.

The last important thing to talk about is the Warm up and Warm down. For the warm up, before you start the Long Schlong, take a hot towel and wrap it on your penis for about 3 mins. It's that simple. For the warm down, you can either do the warm towel again, or you can do what I do and take a bath or a shower. They all work. Some have developped fancier ways to warm up. But I'm a fan of the KISS way of fàdoing things: Keep It Simple Stupid.

And there you go! Those are the basic exercises that most people do in their first month of Penis enlargement. Now go start so you can marvel at the effects of these techniques.

More penis enlargement tips are available on thebestmanyoucanbe.com.

Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide

2006-11-28T02:32:00.000-08:00

Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly with regards to the mortgage and household bills. When marriage seperation is inevitable obviously both parties need somewhere to stay and often it can be quite difficult to sell one property and then try to finance two. Some couples agree to keep the existing property going and one partner move out into rented accommodation for a trial marriage seperation period. This then gives each partner time to reflect and decide what may be better for both parties. However, both parties in marriage seperation have to live and are sometimes eligible for single parent help should they have children. This, together with child maintenance, could help with their financial situation considerably.

Marriage seperation can be a lonely one as you may not get asked to dinner parties and get togethers from your existing circle of friends who are still married. People intend to invite couples to join couples and have a good time. They sometimes forget that friends, whether together in marriage or not, should still be friends and it often helps to keep them in the same circle of friends even in marriage seperation. After all we are all human and need all the friends we have especially at the beginning of a marriage seperation. True friends will always want to help you at a time like this when your morale is low and you need motivation.

It is also helpful to meet new people who are in the same situation as yourself. They will understand what you are going through and it may help you too to get things off your chest. You never know, you may even gain a complete new circle of friends. There are so many meeting points for people on their own. Dinner dates, luncheons and breakfast clubs operate throughout the country so meeting new people, where for friendship or a new prospective partner could be a step in the right direction to get you motivated and get you out of a rut.

Of course marriage seperation for the older person tends to be much harder a you tend to think that most people by now have found their ideal partner and that there do not seem to be many older people looking for companionship or a stable relationship. Again, clubs and groups of all ages operate in most areas. Obviously you will be more cautious next time around as you have already been hurt in the past. But you now have more experience behind you and know what to look for in the future whether it be friendship or a more permanent relationship.

Marriage seperation is hard work but once you come to terms with what has happened in your life you should be able to build a new life for yourself and look forward to new and rewarding challenges that come along. Marriage seperation can and will be stressful at times but keep your head above water and you will begin to see positive results arise in your future. Concentrate on being positive in the future and you will reap the rewards that await you. Everything comes to those who wait.

Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.

http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Don't Want You to Know

2006-11-27T15:40:00.000-08:00

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.

He heard what you said. He’s just not interested in hearing it at the moment. Don’t try to give your man instructions or talk about your feelings when he’s watching TV (especially sports), eating, reading, or has just come home from work. He will only be half listening. His mind is on other things like: will his team win, his day at work, how hungry he is, etc. He can only pay attention to one thing at a time. If he lets you think that he is giving you his full attention, and then you will want to talk to him at these inappropriate moments all the time. If he gives you a detailed response, you’ll just continue to talk. If he completely ignores you, you’ll get mad. If he pretends that he is listening, you will be content and walk away.

2. He Does Look at Other Women.

Not because he wants to cheat, but because men are visually stimulated. Getting mad at him for looking is just going to make him sneak a peek. Hey, it’s just a passing glance. It’s not like we don’t check guys out too!

3. He Needs Time Away From You.

Men need time to reflect, socialize and just get away from it all. Men like the time to regroup. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with us, it is just an escape to appreciate what they have at home. So lighten up, while he’s out of the house, take the kids out or get a babysitter and go something you enjoy.

4. He Doesn’t Feel Like Being Bothered Sometimes

You’ve probably asked him to do something several times, but yet he still doesn’t do it in a timely manner. In frustration, you do it yourself. What is he thinking, “Thank Goodness!” Men do things at their own pace. You can ask your man to take out the trash and 3 hours later, it’s still there. Technically, he still has time to take out the trash. In his mind, the trash isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and if you do it yourself, that just makes it better for him.

5. He Really Enjoys Gossip

If your man overhears you gossiping on the phone, he’ll probably shake his head in disapproval. However, if he talks about Joe and Margaret, his co workers who are having an affair, it’s not gossip. Actually men enjoy to gossip. They just have a different name for it “Commenting.”

6. Yes, He Was Thinking About Sex

Your man has a far away look in his eyes. He seems distant. He was thinking about sex. He can’t help it, he thinks about it several times a day. Wouldn’t you prefer that he thinks about it several times a day rather than having sex several times a day?

7. When His Voice Goes High, or He Answers a Question With the Same Question, He’s Thinking of a Lie.

If you ask your man, “What You’d Do Today?’ and he replies “What I’d Do Today?” he’s probably thinking of lie. It doesn’t mean that he did something inappropriate, just something you wouldn’t approve of. Maybe, he left work early to hang out with the guys. If he told you this, you’d be upset because you had a long day at work or at home with the kids. The problem is he was having too much fun to think about if you would ask him that question, so he didn’t plan a lie beforehand.

8. Nothing is Wrong, So Stop Asking Him

Admit it, you see your man sitting quietly and you naturally assume something is wrong or has happened. So you ask, “What’s wrong?” and he replies, “Nothing, I’m just thinking.” Well, this answer doesn’t satisfy you, so you ask again throughout the day, which leads to his frustration. Men reflect too! He was probably thinking about how he wants to change careers, if you are satisfied and happy with him, how he can make more money, how he doesn’t want to grow old and fat, or how he would really like to buy that sports car. Ask him once, and then leave it alone. If you really sense something is wrong, give him some time and talk to him when you both feel like talking.

9. Most Men are Conquerors and Most Women are Venters

You just told him about your horrible experience at work. You want him to comfort and console you; instead he gives you logical facts about how to solve the problem. You feel cheated. You wanted to share your feelings about the day and all he wanted to do was fix the problem. Men like to offer solutions. Most men are not concerned about being in touch with their feelings when there’s a conflict. You want to feel understood; he wants to make the problem go away. He can’t relate to how you are feeling, so he does what he knows best, helps you to plan a solution.

10. He Wants to Feel Successful.

A man needs to feel he has accomplished something in life, and often times that accomplishment is found in their jobs or careers. Men don’t like to feel conflicted between work and quality time with their families. To men, if they are working hard to earn money, this will improve the quality of their family’s life.

Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach an Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. Her Successful Thinking™ program is an affordable coaching resource that offers support and encouragement when there are roadblocks to success. You can find out more about the program at http://www.thinkandbesuccessful.com or sign up for her free Be Inspired newsletter at http://www.smartbeecoaching.com

The Power of Giving Unconditional Love

2006-11-27T02:29:00.000-08:00

“You can’t give love to someone else without knowing how to give yourself love first.” ~Tristan Loo

According to humanistic psychology, human beings have an inner need and desire to give and receive high quality love. Love is the glue that holds together human society and without it our lives have little meaning or purpose. In fact, our need to give high quality love to others drives us towards behaviors that would otherwise be considered insane, such as mother rushing into a raging fire to save her child or a father working night and day at a job he hates in order to provide sustenance for his family. Modern Western society has focused quite a bit of attention on how to attract, possess, and maintain love in one’s own life, but it often misses the main secret of attracting love—that if you give love unconditionally from the heart, you will get love back in abundance from the unlimited supply the universe holds.

What is Unconditional Love?

Before we define what unconditional love is, we should first clarify what love means in the context of this article. Genuine love for another person simply means the continual desire and the act of increasing the level of happiness in another person’s life. It’s important that we understand exactly what unconditional love is so that we can know exactly how to express it completely to ourselves and towards others, as well as fully appreciating it when it is offered to us by others. Unconditional love is the ability to accept, respect, and care for yourself and others without any conditions, limitations or reservations attached to that love. Unconditional love is the practice of giving of love to others without demanding that they perform behaviors that you desire. This kind of love is best portrayed by the love between a mother and her child. Unconditional love has little to do with romance, friendships or relationships and more to do with an abundance of love for yourself which flows out from your body and attracts good things and people into your life like a magnet.

When describing unconditional love towards yourself, it means the pure acceptance of everything that is you, including all your flaws and weaknesses. Really this is the basis of unconditional love because love in its true form cannot be shared or given to someone else until you love and accept yourself first. There are no boundaries or limits on love that is unconditional. You are not trying to control the actions or behaviors of the other person, nor do you impose conditions on your love by restricting that love if they behave or don’t behave a certain way. Unconditional love is the ability to want what’s best for others in their pursuit of universal happiness, irregardless of your own opinions and biases of them or their behavior. Unconditional love is an overflow of positive energy that comes from the complete love that you have for yourself so no matter what the other person’s says or does; it will not affect your level of happiness.

The Benefits of Unconditional Love

The practice of giving unconditional love requires by its very nature that you don’t expect anything directly in return for giving it to others. By providing unconditional love to others, you are expressing your faith that good things will be drawn into your life through the law of attraction. Here are some benefits of giving unconditional love:

• The act of giving unconditional love to others eliminates the fear of anger and reprisal from other people for any behavior you do. It also facilitates open and honest relationships with other people.

• In a more spiritual sense, sharing your love unconditionally with the world sends out positive energy which will be returned to you in one form or another to create great abundance, wealth, and goodness that you deserve in your own life.

• When you provide unconditional love to others, you are not dependant on others for happiness, but rather you derive your happiness from within. Your energy radiates to those around you and the world gives back to you in abundance.

• When you give love unconditionally, then you can’t be ever angry at anyone. All human minds need congruency of thought and it’s simply impossible to hate another person if you have made the conscious decision that you are going to love them unconditionally.

• By giving unconditional love to others, you side-step any tricks, emotional ploys, and unfair negotiating tactics because you have consciously choses to take responsibility for giving them love from own heart despite the behaviors that they exhibit.

Happiness Comes from Within

Those people who try to find their love and happiness in the possessions, places or people they have in their life are destined to be miserable in life because they fail to understand that true happiness can only be found within themselves. Everlasting joy, happiness and love all come from falling in love with yourself. The people, places and things that you attract into your life that make you happy only serve to enhance the love that you already have for yourself. They can never replace that inner love. If you want to practice giving unconditional love, then the first person you must show true love to first is yourself. Love yourself for the person that you are, which includes all your flaws as well as your strengths.

How to Practice Giving Unconditional Love

To practice unconditional love is simple, yet you must make a conscious decision to act on accordingly. You must first make the conscious decision that no matter what the other person thinks, says or does, you are going to provide them with the same amount of love that you would if they treated you like royalty. More importantly, you make the firm commitment that you are going to provide them with unconditional love freely and without harboring any negative intentions.

• Unconditionally love yourself first. The first person that you need to show unconditional love to first is yourself. After all, you are married to yourself for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. Learn to love everything about you because even your flaws make you unique and special. Once you fall in love with yourself, then the world opens up in abundance to your life.

• Don’t use “if-then” clauses with your love. The use of “if-then” clauses makes the love conditional, even if you only say it inside your own mind. For example, “If you treat me well, then I will show you affection.” Unconditional love exists without any “if-then” statements.

• Write what you love about yourself. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 qualities that you love about yourself. This will help you visualize and memorize all the great qualities that you possess. After you finish writing those qualities down, repeat them out loud to yourself

• Unconditional love is not automatic. Always remember that unconditional love is something that you must decide to give, not something that is automatically given. It requires practice to give love to those that you don’t like and to accept everyone for who they are, regardless of your opinions about them.

• Don’t give love with expectation in mind. If you expect something back in return for your love, then that makes the love you give conditional in nature. Instead, have the faith to believe that what you put out there in the world will eventually come back to you, but don’t expect it at that very moment to be returned.

• Repeat it in your mind. If you get upset at yourself or another person, then immediately begin to say over and over in your mind, “I love [Person] unconditionally, no matter what they say or do.” Your mind cannot hate a person and love them at the same time because it is not congruent thinking, so it immediately removes much of the anger and hatred that builds inside of you if you repeat statements of love in your mind.

• Write it down. If any negative thoughts enter your mind about yourself or another person in your life, then destroy those thoughts with the power of writing. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 things that you love about the other person and after you are done, repeat it out loud. This cancels out your negative thoughts of the person and it sows the seeds of unconditional love for that person in your subconscious mind.

Conclusion

When you fall in love with yourself, you give yourself the ultimate power to pick up the pen and begin to write your own book rather than having other people write it for you. You are able to tap into the unlimited potential that is within you. It’s like a spark that ignites your heart and that passion spreads to your mind and your body. Everything in life becomes crystal clear. When you fall in love with yourself, the world opens up to you in abundance.

© Copyright 2006 by Tristan Loo.

For over 10 years, Tristan Loo has inspired, motivated, and brought success to the lives of the countless people he’s touched. Successful in his own right, Tristan has competed athletically against Olympians as a world-class gymnast, saved lives as a police officer, authored numerous Personal Development and Interpersonal Communication books and articles, and is a highly sought-after Peak Performance Coach. Tristan is the founder of the Synergy Institute, a San Diego based Personal Development Firm. His philosophy of passionate living and helping others fulfill their dreams and goals has continually been the driving force that has placed him well above the industry standard. Visit Tristan's website at http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com or by email at info@synergyinstituteonline.com

How to Flirt With Women Using the Power of Positive Body Language

2006-11-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

Learning how to flirt is probably the best skill you can learn to attract women. By understanding proper flirting techniques, you will be able to build rapport with a girl and demonstrate your sexuality in a nonverbal way. Done correctly, you will be able to make her instantly attracted to you.

Unfortunately finding out how to flirt is hard for a large number of men. In our modern education system, little time is spent on teaching us relationship and sexuality skills. As a result, many of use have no clue about how to flirt and ways we can build attraction with women.

Fortunately flirting is a skill that you can easily learn.

In a previous article, I discussed the nature of flirting and why it's important to learn this skill. I mentioned the importance of doing two things before flirting with a woman. The first is you have to be completely comfortable with yourself and ignore any faults that you may have. The other is to have the right frame of mind when flirting. Your focus is to have fun and be interesting to any woman you're talking to.

By doing these first two steps, you will be creating what I like to call a "flirting atmosphere", which is a fun, low-pressure way to engage women in a conversation. If you do this right, you'll be able to build an instant connection with any woman.

Once you have the right kind of mindset for creating a flirting atmosphere, you have to ensure that your body language matches your attitude. This means your body should radiate confidence while remaining relaxed and in control.

What I mean by this is you have to show her that you're having fun in your interaction, but you're not taking yourself too seriously. As we all know, women love confident men. So you can subconsciously draw in women by giving off a positive aura.

To have the proper body language, you have to carry yourself with a straight, but relaxed posture. This signifies that you are confident while not being too stuffy.

After demonstrating your relaxed attitude, you have to give off a "welcoming attitude" with your body language. This means leaving your arms uncrossed and leaning forward to her as she is talking to you.

The final secret for learning how to flirt is to know how to use your smile. As we all know, a smile is a contagious thing. If you give her a welcoming and friendly smile, you are telling a woman that you like her and find her interesting. So when you're creating a flirting atmosphere, make sure that you give her a confident smile that lets her know you find her interesting.

Believe me when I say that your smile will be the best arsenal when it comes to flirting with a woman.

Knowing how to flirt is a crucial step to meeting and attracting women. But before you even talk to them, you have to have the right kind of body language. By being able to create a flirting atmosphere and smile with a confident manner, you will set up a relaxing situation where you can easily build rapport and possibly "do more" with her.

So get out there and start practicing your flirting skills.

Having trouble approaching and attracting women? Well take a look at Scott Patterson's FREE course on how to meet, approach and attract beautiful and interesting women. Read it today and start bringing home girls tomorrow.

Become a Master at Flirting With Women

2006-11-25T12:22:00.001-08:00

Want to know the secret to succeeding wildly with interesting and hot women?

Well it's easy…all you have to do is become an expert at flirting with women.

Let's face it if you're reading this article then you probably want to be more successful with women. In fact, most single guys want to increase their success with women and ultimately find one that is perfect for them. But if you're too tongue-tied or have trouble thinking of how to act around a girl, then you'll have little chance of getting her number or going on a date.

That is why you need to know the proper techniques for flirting with women.

So what is flirting and why is it important?

In a nutshell, flirting is a part of human interaction that provides a means for expressing interest and gauging the levels of attraction in an object of interest. It can be accomplished through body language, conversations and casual touching. By becoming a master at flirting with women, you'll have an unfair advantage when it comes to meeting and attracting girls.

The first step to flirting with women is to become absolutely comfortable with yourself. While you have probably heard this statement before, I want to stress its importance. Before you can even think of flirting with a woman, you have look within yourself and find out what you find attractive.

We all have flaws. So don't be too despondent about not being perfect. If you become excellent at flirting with women, these negatives won't matter. In order to be successful at flirting you have confidence and happiness with who you are. By carrying yourself with the right attitude, you'll do a great job at the first stage of flirting.

Next you should create the right frame of mind for flirting. In order to have the right kind of attitude that women will find fun and attractive, you have to radiate positive qualities about yourself. That means when you want to start flirting with women you should be in a good mood and consciously think about how much fun you are.

By having the right kind of mind set, you'll relax yourself and others around you. This will help create a playful atmosphere that will naturally lead to successful flirting.

Flirting with women can lead to successful dates and possibly an intimate relationship. But before you can think about interacting with a woman, you have to be both comfortable with yourself and create a positive atmosphere with women. In my next few articles, I will cover a wide variety of flirting techniques that will improve your chances of success with women.

Having trouble approaching and attracting women? Well take a look at Scott Patterson's free course on how to meet, approach and attract beautiful and interesting women. Read it today and start bringing home girls tomorrow.

The Best Creative Ways to Propose

2006-11-24T20:29:00.001-08:00

Marriage proposals made over a romantic dinner at an elegant restaurant can be very romantic but they are not necessarily creative. Many women dream about the day that the man of their dreams proposes to them and hope that the day will be absolutely perfect in every way imaginable. In a recent study the majority of married women reported that they believe that their spouse spent a significant amount of money on their wedding proposal but that the lack of originality in the proposal had left the women feeling disappointed.

One creative way to propose for a couple involved in a long distance relationship is to plan a surprise visit and set up a scavenger hunt. You could have a friend pick you up from the airport so that your girlfriend doesn’t know that you are coming to visit and have the friend give your girlfriend instructions for the scavenger hunt. You could hide a number of small surprises such as candy, flowers and a CD as the first few stops on the scavenger hunt and then hide at the final location poised to propose when your girlfriend completes the game.

An outdoor enthusiast might appreciate a creative proposal during a camping trip. It’s a good idea to plan a quiet trip for just you and your girlfriend at a picturesque location. You could hide the ring in your sleeping bag to use in a surprise proposal. When it’s time to go to sleep after a long day of hiking and fishing, you could complain that there must be a rock or something underneath you and then pull out the ring and make your proposal. This creative proposal also contains the element of surprise as a camping trip is not a usual proposal location.

Another creative proposal idea is to place an ad in a local newspaper. You could place an outrageous ad in a newspaper asking anyone who was willing to get married to give you a call and include a fictitious phone number. Then when you and your girlfriend are reading the paper together, you could point out the ad as a joke and while she is reading the ad, seize the opportunity to pull out the engagement ring and let her know that you would love to marry her.

Proposing at a sporting event is a creative way to propose to a sports fan. For this proposal idea you could either arrange to have your proposal broadcast over the public address system or displayed on the large screen. If you are really adventurous, you could also contact the team’s public relations department and try to make arrangements to make your proposal on the field at halftime. They might be willing to help you stage a scenario where you are either chosen to win a prize or participate in a contest and while you are on the field, they would hand over the microphone to allow you to make your proposal.

Another creative marriage proposal idea is to purchase a book of poems and leave the first few pages intact and carve a heart into the remaining pages and sew the engagement ring to the back of the book. You could suggest taking turns reading the poems on each page and plan to have your girlfriend turn the final complete page to reveal the heart and ring that were hidden inside. This proposal idea is not only creative but also incredibly romantic.

Having the DJ of your girlfriend’s favorite radio program ask her if she will marry you is another creative proposal idea. You will want to make sure that you are aware of the exact time that the DJ will be sending your message so that you are able to ensure that you and your girlfriend are listening together when he makes the announcement. You could also arrange to have the DJ play a song that has a special meaning for you as a couple so that you can enjoy a dance together after she accepts your creative proposal.

Another creative way to propose is to include all of your family and friends in the event by inviting them all to a surprise party for your girlfriend. To make this proposal work, you would either convince your girlfriend that you want to have a quiet dinner at home or at a restaurant with just the two of you. Once you arrive at the destination all of the guests will reveal themselves and while all eyes are on the two of you, you could take the opportunity to profess your love and propose.

Still another creative way to propose is to hide the ring in an unexpected location. For example you could pretend to have a clogged sink and while you are working to fix the clog, you could reach into the sink and pull out the engagement ring. When your girlfriend is nearby, you could seize the opportunity to pull out the ring you had hidden earlier and say something to the effect of, “No wonder the sink is clogged, I’ll have to find another place to store this ring, how about your finger?” This whimsical proposal is both light-hearted and creative.

A variation on the traditional proposal at an elegant restaurant could be to have the waiter bring out the ring with the bill. You could have a little good natured fun with your girlfriend by going out of your way to drop hints that you would be proposing over dinner. If you keep up the act, she will be expecting your proposal with each course. After dessert you could tell her that you have something very important to ask and as she eagerly awaits your proposal, you could ask an inconsequential question about something completely irrelevant to your relationship. She will probably be furious at this point but her anger won’t last as the waiter arrives with the bill and the engagement ring and you let her know how much she means to you.

Finally a creative proposal idea is for the woman to ask the man to marry her, instead of waiting for him to propose. Many women anxiously await the day that the man in their life will propose but why not add your own creative twist by proposing to him instead. The woman is free to propose in any way that she finds truly romantic and can ensure that the proposal is both creative and romantic and that it’s a moment that they both will remember for the rest of their lives.

A great marriage proposal doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. Many women are more likely to cherish the memories of a proposal that was inexpensive but truly creative. The creativity is what makes the proposal so memorable and what makes it a great story to tell their friends.

Masni Rizal Mansor is the publisher for My
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Weddings: Should You Keep Your Surname When You Marry?

2006-11-24T09:59:00.001-08:00

What's in a name? Well, your identity, for starters -- you've spent your whole life "making a name for yourself." That's why changing your name after marriage isn't necessarily easy. The good news is that brides today have many options.

KEEP YOUR NAME

Can’t let go? Keeping your own name means you'll avoid the hassle of alerting everyone you know to the change. On the flip side, dealing with traditional in-laws who don't understand your reluctance to take their name won't be so simple.

TAKE HIS NAME

Taking your husband's name is the most traditional option. Be prepared to receive twice as much junk mail -- mailing lists won't know you're the same person. But everyone else will figure it out, and you'll avoid confusion when you have kids.

TAKE HIS NAME (SORT OF)

You could use your husband's name legally and socially but continue to use your own for business purposes; alternatively, you could keep your own name legally and professionally but use his in social situations.

TAKE BOTH

Or you could decided to keep both names and hyphenate them. If both names work well together, then this could be an option. It gets trickier if the names don’ work together or they have already been hyphenated; this then gets a bit much.

This is all great in theory, but in practice what do brides have to say?

“I took up my husband's surname. It gave me an added feeling of union, but it's not essential.”

“I don't see why I should have to change my name to his. This is who I am and everything I have achieved has been in my name so why change it? Why do WOMEN have to change for the men? I know its all tradition, but tradition isn't really relevant in this day and age, it's only because we live in such a patriarchal society that this occurs.”

I don't believe in changing my name as it is my identity, something I will retain - obviously - throughout our marriage. Also, I don't feel the need to change my name to prove my commitment, or feel any deeper commitment - that is something emotional and spiritual and unrelated to name changing. I must also admit there is also the feminist in me that baulks at the idea that traditionally women changed their name to a man's as she became, legally, another one of his chattel’s along with the cow and horse (Obviously not suggesting this is relevant these days...!)

Anyway, despite my moral high horse, I encountered problems when I discovered my other half did not feel the same and wanted us to have the same name. I made a flippant remark that if he felt that strongly about it he could change his to mine (nothing legally stopping him). From there we came to a compromise that we would both change our names and hyphenate both our surnames. A good compromise to start our marriage, I get to keep my name whilst he ensures we both have the same name!”!

“I would never change my name. I now attach great importance to it. Besides, my parents did all the hard work and I feel as though I am giving that credit to some other family by changing my name. We have had this discussion and he would never expect me to. I personally don't feel the need to be unified under a name.”
I did not change my name. I am in two minds about this. Sometimes I feel as though I should change it because it would make me feel like it was more of a union...but then other times I think we have no boys in the family and if I do not carry on the family name who will?

The problem is that my surname which is hyphenated has come to an end - there are no males to carry on our name. It’s very sad as I am very proud of my name and it has a lot of history. So when I marry my man one day but what do I do?? I really like his surname and would feel kind of honoured to take it (soooo traditional I know!)

“I've kept my surname, I've also known men who have taken their wife's surname. The winner though, goes to a friend who, upon realising her maternal grandmother (her maiden name) was the last in the family line with that name, the bride and groom both changed their names to hers. It was a beautiful gesture.”

“I get REALLY riled up when people question me on my decision to change my name. They say things like, you've lost your identity - Sorry?? ****. My identity is in my personality, my values, my memories and experiences, my upbringing - and my surname is only a small part of that. And losing the connection with my family? That makes no sense to me. I have a wonderful family, which after my wedding doubled in size. I feel a connection with ALL of them, and there are 50 different surnames within my family group. Some people choose not to change their name, and that is entirely their choice and I have no problem with it. I have chosen TO change my name, and people should, in return, have no problem with that, either. Don't let anybody pressure you into a decision one way or the other.”

"I can't decide. I don't feel especially loyal to my existing 'family' name/identity (after all, my grandparents came from 4 different families, but only 1 of their surnames has been passed down to me). It's more that I like my first name plus surname combination as it is. Megan M****. It's has symmetry and style. On the other hand, we're making a new family together and it makes sense to me that everyone in a family should have the same surname. And I don't want to go into marriage marking out all the things I *refuse* to give up or compromise on."
"I am reluctant to give up my current surname, especially at work where people know me as that. However, I like the idea of sharing a name with my husband and for any kids to have parents with the same name (it feels more like a family). So ... I'm thinking of doing the Hollywood thing and retaining my surname but adding his surname, like Joanne Whalley Kilmer."

"I changed my name because I wanted to seal our union, I wanted to prove not only to him but to everyone that I am 100% devoted to him and that we share everything. I knew that it was a big thing for his dad though, not that he is old fashioned or anything like that, but I know that it means a lot to him that I would choose to have their name and really make myself a part of their family. But I did not come to this decision lightly. I did want to keep my own name because it is the last thing I have of my dad. My father passed away when I was 5. I never knew my dad and the only thing left was my last name. So for me, this was a huge and significant decision. I felt sad and in some ways I felt that I was 'letting the team down' so to speak...but I am sure my dad understands that I finally have a man in my life and I want to devote everything to him and our lives together."

"After years of swearing that "I'd never change my surname, I built my career on my name, it’s my trade mark, etc etc".... within 6 months I changed it to my husband's surname. And it was a personal choice, not my husband's, or most of his family. My hubby was happy with whatever I wanted to do, it was MY choice. and he respected me & my decisions. (One of the reasons why I married him - awwww). Funny thing though, my brother in law insisted that his (now) wife change her last name to his when they got married."

"I am the youngest of 5 kids. 4 women, and 1 (gay) son, who is evidently not going to get married and have children. Therefore I feel some sort of obligation to retain my surname and pass it on to my children; the likelihood of our family name carrying on further than us is very slim."

"I would like to take my husbands name, and be called Mrs. I think it's just another (traditional) way to show your commitment to the world. (and there's nothing wrong with tradition) Mainly I'd like to take his name so the WHOLE family has the same last name.
Yes I did accomplish and experience things with my current name. . . but just because I change my surname. . . it doesn't erase those things. It just adds something else to my history. In addition, I have some "ideas" and family traditions that I would like upheld from my side of the family, and are essentially non negotiable. . . it's sort of like a compromise."

And what do Grooms think about all of this?

"A friend of my wife was told that changing her name was "not negotiable". A shame, as she did have a lovely surname. I wasn't fussed whether my wife changed her name or not. I saw it from my point of view...how I would feel to change my identity all of a sudden. It would be weird! .So I never bought it up as it wasn't an issue. I was surprised that within a month or so of getting married she decided to change her drivers license and open joint bank accounts. She really enjoyed it. But, she is still her "old self" at work. And everything is working just fine for her. Funny thing is when I call her at her office and I speak to her secretaries, I still ask for her using her old name. Three years of habit is hard to break!"

"When I get married, I would want my wife to keep her surname. Personally, I don't see any reason why she should have to change her surname to mine when we get married anyway. It's not like I'd own her or anything."

"If my future wife insists on keeping her last name, then I'd have to suck it in and take hers because I just like a bit of identity with families."

Anne Mihelakos is the owner of True Bride, a wedding site and your 'Ultimate Wedding Partner', providing Australian couples with fantastic wedding planning tools. This wedding web site has one of the most comprehensive wedding directories of wedding suppliers across Australia. For more information, visit the website http://www.truebride.com.au.

Why Does Dating Have to Be So Difficult Sometimes?

2006-11-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

What a confusing world of dating out there isn't it? Now there are now more singles than at any time in
American history.

Why does dating have to be so difficult? Doesn't it seem as if many men are questioning their own manhood? I

mean really...shouldn't it be a natural thing to know how to 'date women'? Why do we have great catches who are both men and women yet are struggling with their own dating and sex lives?

Yes, women are having struggles with it as well. Yet should all of this blame go onto the men? I would like to take you in for a closer look into this great social dynamic paradox.

When you think about it, isn't dating and relationships one of the most important areas of life anyways?

Instead of looking at superficial solutions like most other dating coaches will do ('work harder, join more dating sites, get out there, etc.') I want to go to the root of the issue itself. From there, all of the
action-oriented solutions will present themselves anyways.

Though I write books on this, I'll try and keep this article short.

It is our uniquely modern social dynamic itself that has affected and altered the dating and mating game.

We now live in a social culture that has essentially become more socialistic than Socialistic societies. The level of influence and effect that now exists from our socio-centric culture is unparalleled.

To clarify things, I simply call it the 'social matrix'. I originally called it the 'forced reality'. It is
the socio-cultural reality and power game that has been built on top of nature itself.

You can't deny that any number of people can exist in together because that's what makes a society.

You can look to tribal groups, villages, the caste system, townships, subcultures, prison culture, high school social dynamics, etc. but when you compare any of them to the dominant social system in the world today (Western social culture), they don't compare.

It is no longer an equal society. Architects have essentially taken over and forged the social matrix to be a perfect system of power and influence. Architects such as producers and executives have got millions of people in a chokehold without their ever knowing it.

The whole system is invisible yet incredibly pervasive. You could live your whole life in this social matrix without ever knowing it. Cultural differentiation was the one thing that saved me.

Now am I starting to sound too escapist and like a threat to this culture itself? Well, maybe you had better think about where the threat really lies?

Millions of people are stuck in a stimulus-response relationship DAILY under the power and influence of the Architects. Television, advertising, music, radio, print advertising, etc. All of this is a system which people have become accustomed to.

That are being fed 'programming' from sources outside of a purely open and interdependent relationship. It is no longer a familial society of equal and opportunistic relationships. It is a society of those in power and those who have been programmed and influenced by those in power.

The reason this affects dating is because the Architects of the social matrix have for decades been promoting and exploiting the sexuality of women. They've essentially taken them and given them 'the power'. They promote the sexploitation of women to be the stimulus or 'control' for countless millions of men to 'respond' to.

Just look at the cover of magazines or almost any ad catered to men and see how they somehow attribute a woman's sexuality to get men to 'respond'. This also gets other women to be like these women so they can rise up this superficially created (yet seemingly real) social hierarchy.

This creates trillions of dollars in revenue across multiple industries. But what it is doing when it comes to dating is this; there is now a divergence. By creating this forced reality which is the opposite of nature, there is a great dichotomy.

It is a fantasy.

They promote the fantasy. Pornography is a fantasy where women are teasingly acting unnatural to get men to 'respond'. Now we have 40 year old virgins because of this divergent dating 'reality'.

Real men who are great catches have questioned their own manhood but it was really this great social game that was being played.

Millions of women are living the dichotomy because of adapting to their social environment which tells them to be the stimulus to attract men yet the men keep buying into the fantasy. It's a fantasy for them too. It's leaving millions of people in a dating mess.

People are more independent and isolated now because they are connected to their iPOD's and downloads in a response relationship to that stimulus instead of being in a more open and truly interdependent, familial society like old Europe or small-town American (even Cheers).

The best way you can get on top of this whole dating thing is to not listen to mainstream teachers because they're teaching what doesn't work except for those ready for marriage.

What to do instead, is to seek out the true answers behind the ironic behavior of men and women today.

Therein lies your revelation and ability to actually BE yourself and finally effective around women and dating instead of consistently running into walls.

Rion Williams is one of the foremost experts in dating advice, personal power and relational dynamics. He is well-known within the seduction community itself.

His work focuses on the regaining and improving of real character within frustrated men who do don't want to 'act', use pick-up lines or techniques to get women.

He teaches modern men how to truly be natural and comfortable in their own skin to consistently succeed with women, attraction and dating. You can sign up for his free eZines and find out more information at http://www.relationaldynamics.org

He also has a free podcast at http://www.lifestyledatingradio.com

Cheating Husbands - Meeting Needs?

2006-11-23T10:45:00.001-08:00

Husbands cheat on their wives for many reasons. They could be bored with their lifestyle and feel that they need to do something exciting or they could be having a midlife crisis. The latter is very common as many husbands cheat on their wives when they seem to reach 40 for some reason.

Perhaps it is because they suddenly realise that 40 could possibly be half way through their lives and they need to give their egos a boost. Or perhaps as they reflect back over the past years they may feel that they have not achieved very much out of life. They may not be able to do much about changing their situation at home or to their current lifestyle so they decide to look elsewhere and become a cheating husband.

Cheating husbands always think that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill - just like to three billy goat gruffs did! For some reason they think that something is or has been missing from their lives or they feel that they have not fulfilled all their hopes, dreams or ambitions throughout their lives so far. So now is the time to try and change all this by cheating on their wives and they may achieve some of the goals that were missed over the years.

Cheating husbands looking for attention often go to night clubs to meet new girlfriends as this is a way of seeing and chatting to prospective dates. Once a cheating husband has lined up a date then all that is left to do is to escape from home to be with his new girlfriend. Escaping from home however is only a minor matter as he can use the excuse to work late or arrange business meetings.

The cheating husband may wish to go on holiday with his new found girlfriend and finding an excuse may not be necessary as if he has a circle of lads that he regularly goes around with then he has the ideal opportunity to say that he is going away with them.

Sometimes cheating husbands will stray for a few months but they soon realise that they really do miss their family and would very much like their old lifestyle back. Should their wife be willing to take them back then they are very lucky to be forgiven. Although it must be remembered that once a cheating husband has strayed he may be liable to cheat again later on in life whenever he feels the urge to boost his ego again!

Should a cheating husband not be forgiven by his wife then he stands to lose a great deal. There is his family for a start to consider and existing friends may not now stand by him. His whole life may need to be uprooted to accommodate his new situation. He may not only lose family and friends but also work colleagues that nay not see his cheating on his wife as a favourable decision. He may become so unhappy with life that he may have to consider leaving the area to which he used to call his home and move away and start afresh in an unfamiliar territory. This could end up being a very costly mistake both emotionally and financially and cheating husbands should consider very carefully the implications of cheating on their wives before committing themselves to an affair.

Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.

http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com

Is SHE Cheating? Many Unsuspecting Husbands Find Out Too Late

2006-11-22T20:31:00.000-08:00

Couples therapists report a 50% increase in female infidelity. The cover story in the current issue of Newsweek magazine is all about cheating wives: "The New Infidelity - From Office Affairs to Internet Hook-Ups, More Wives Are Cheating Too." Yet, as widespread as female infidelity has become, many unsuspecting husbands have no idea their wives are having an affair. They often find themselves in a situation like David in the Newsweek article, who found out his wife was cheating the day she told him she wanted a divorce. Unsuspecting husbands are often surprised when they learn about a cheating wife's extramarital affair. But, the stark reality is that if a husband isn't familiar with the signs of infidelity, by the time he finds out his wife is cheating, it's usually too late.

Women Don't Become Cheaters Overnight
Yet many of the signs may have been there all along. A woman doesn't become a cheating wife overnight. Infidelity develops in stages. In almost every case, there are numerous telltale signs along the way. In fact, many of the warning signs of impending infidelity are evident long before the physical act of infidelity actually takes place.

Know How to Spot the Telltale Signs
The husband who knows how to spot the signs of infidelity has a fighting chance to save his marriage. He won't end up like John LeSage in the Newsweek article who was devastated when he came home one day and found that his wife of 24 years had disappeared. John said, "I would have done a lot things differently, but I never got the chance." This loving, but unsuspecting husband never knew his marriage was in jeopardy because he was unfamiliar with the warning signs.

Identifying the Problem
The first step in solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. There are certain telltale signs that serve as a wake-up call that a marriage is in trouble. A husband doesn't need to hire a private detective or invest in sophisticated surveillance equipment to find out if his wife is having an affair. If he knows what to look for, all he needs are his eyes, his ears and his personal knowledge of his wife. Knowing what to look for is the key.

21 Categories of Telltale Signs
There are 21 categories of telltale signs, with numerous signs in each category. Of course, no can be expected to know them all. That's why it makes sense to invest in a relationship reference book like Is He Cheating on You? in order to become more knowledgeable about the warning signs. After all, most families have a medical reference book in their home to alert them to the signs and symptoms of health and medical problems. The same thing applies to marital problems like infidelity.

Universal Telltale Signs
Some of the signs of infidelity documented in Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs apply exclusively to cheating men. But many of the signs are universal and apply to both cheating husbands and cheating wives. Additional information about infidelity can be found at www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com Although the website is primarily directed to women, about a third of the e-mails received come from men seeking advice about various telltale signs.

So What Should a Husband Do?

With infidelity affecting 80% of all marriages, the husband who values his marriage would do well to become familiar with the warning signs. He should always strive to be aware of his wife's feelings and keep abreast of the things that are going on in her life. It's not about being overly suspicious. It's about keeping a finger on the pulse of his marriage. Forewarned is forearmed. This way, he'll be equipped to recognize even the most subtle telltale signs. The future of his marriage may well depend on his ability to spot those telltale signs in time.

© Ruth Houston 2004 All rights reserved.

Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs". For more information about the book or about infidelity, visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or http://www.InfidelityAdvice.com To receive a FREE Special Report which describes each of the 21 Categories of Telltale Signs, send an e-mail to InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with “21 categories” in the subject line.

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

2006-11-22T16:22:00.000-08:00

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!

4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.

8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?

9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

The Art of Seduction: How to Use 'Option Limitation' to Maximise Your Success

2006-11-22T09:34:00.001-08:00

Getting girls to feel an attraction for you –The Art of Seduction - that isn’t simply based on your looks, the contents of your wallet or the car you’ve got parked outside. The Art of Seduction can be really tricky.
After all, how are men supposed to know what each girl’s looking for without asking (hence the word “Art” in Art of Seduction – Art is not something all men can do or understand)?

If you DID ask, you know your chances would be small, after all, no girl wants a guy approaching her with needy questions - she wants a confident man who somehow seems to know what she’s after and can give it to her (And only men who understand the Art of Seduction can do that).

So how do you do it? How do you learn the Art of Seduction and all of its specifics?

How do you become the ultimate Art of Seduction master…A man that effortlessly exudes confidence, dominance and presence…without turning into an arrogant poser or desperate wannabe?

The answer to the Art of Seduction lies in basic human psychology. It’s at the heart of all persuasive social situations, and absolutely central to the success of any guy’s attempts at the Art of Seduction. Quite simply, by learning the CORRECT psychological rules, principles and tactics, any guy can play and WIN at the Art of Seduction. For example, let’s look at one such psychological technique, that used correctly boosts any guy’s chance of getting a girl’s number or hooking up with her at a later date by at least 50%, each and every time he uses it. It’s called option limitation and works on the following principle of human nature:

When someone’s presented with only a single choice, often their natural reaction will be to rebel against it and go their own way. However, when given 2 or 3 options, the opposite occurs: they feel their intellectual freedom has been respected and they make their choice from the variety of options they’ve been presented with.

You can use this universal psychological principle when learning the Art of Seduction. This is applied to women by carefully constructing how you pose important questions or phrases while talking to them.

For example, when learning the Art of Seduction most men think saying: “Can I have your number?” is an okay way to finish a conversation that’s gone well with a girl. But a much more powerful and effective way of saying the same thing would be to use option limitation (which is a phenomenal seduction technique). Something like: “It’s been nice to meet you. Shall we swap numbers or maybe grab a bite to eat and a drink tomorrow?” What you’re doing is a subtle Art of Seduction method…you’re presenting the girl with a choice between good and better – whichever she says yes to, you win. If you only give her one option, as in the first example, she’s likely to create her own alternative, which means there’s a chance she won’t say yes to the option you gave her. When she subconsciously recognises that she’s been given a choice between multiple outcomes, she feels her intellectual freedom has been respected and she chooses one of them. Thus completing the first, and most vital step in the Art of Seduction.

So, always use option limitation in the Art of Seduction to give the impression there’s a variety of options available to the girl – even though each one is fine as far as you’re concerned. And to strengthen the effect of option limitation, always try to separate the choices you give the girl with the word “or.” When people hear “or” they automatically recognise that they need to make a choice, and therefore do just that.

Option limitation is just one example of the Art of Seduction and how, whether they know it or not, men who are successful with women (men who have mastered the Art of Seduction) CREATE that success for themselves – not through luck or good fortune.

Learn the Art of Seduction and how men can turn the tables on women by using special psychological techniques to attract and seduce them, anywhere, anytime…effortlessly. Visit http://www.hardworkingcommunications.com/html/untitled26.htmlmany college students the decision about going to college presents a huge financial challenge. College costs have spiraled upwards in recent years and many students simple cannot afford the cost of attending college today. It is a discouraging situation for many students but fortunately there is a way out of this quagmire. With help from the federal government and some private lenders prospective students can actually go on to college using students loans.

Lending institutions like the federal government provide long-term student loans that enable students to attend college while deferring any payments on those loans. These loans are good until a student has graduated or is not a student any longer or becomes less than a half time student or that student withdraws from college.

Parents can also borrow money on behalf of their undergraduate children. This type of loan is usually made through the Parent Loans for Undergraduate Students program or PLUS as it is more commonly known. There are also other options that are available to students to explore when it comes to borrowing money for college.

Non-Federal Student Loans or “alternative loans” are the other options available to students when it comes to borrowing money for college. Unlike federal student loans these types of loans are not guaranteed or backed by the government. It is also important to know that “alternative loans” are based on credit rating and credit worthiness.

The typical time for repayment of student loans is usually a maximum of thirty years. The average time range for repayment of these loans is usually on average between ten and thirty years. For most students loan consolidation is usually a simplified way to make student loan repayment affordable and simple.

Over the years student loans have risen in popularity due to the interest rate being tied to the current inflation rates which do not take into consideration the ongoing interest rate in the country. This rate is set by the Department of Education and is the same for every borrower. So before you give up on going to college, you can still pursue your dream by riding the student loan train.

For more information on financing your college education, the considerations when taking out a student loan and finding a student loan visit www.personalfinancemap.com

60 Words and Phrases that Make Men Fall Deeper in Love

2006-11-21T20:20:00.000-08:00

The interesting thing about getting the love you deserve is that you have a great deal of influence in the kind of love you get. Most times, the love one gets is a function of the kind of love one gives. And when it comes to love, communication is the fuel that fans its flame. The words you choose can be the difference between a relationship where there is constant drama or one that is nurturing, blissful and romantic.

Now that you know that, let me share a little bit of the kinds of words that just simply turns men on and makes them want to love you even more.

1. Honey

2. Sweetheart

3. Sweetie

4. Baby

5. Darling

6. Sexy

7. Fine

8. Handsome

9. Stud muffin

10. Sugar

11. You just make me feel so good.

12. You are the best.

13. I can’t get enough of you.

14. You drive me wild.

15. You know me inside and out.

16. I love you so much.

17. I love you with all my heart and soul.

18. You make me laugh.

19. You are so funny.

20. I love the way you love me.

21. I love the way you make me feel.

22. I never want you to stop loving me.

23. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.

24. You make me feel so special.

25. I need you in my life.

26. You just made my day.

27. I can’t get enough of your hugs and kisses.

28. I apologize.

29. I promise to love you forever.

30. You are the one for me.

31. I don’t need anyone else in my life.

32. You are more than enough for me.

33. Marry me and make me the happiest woman.

34. I have always loved you and will always love you.

35. I miss you so much.

36. I am so lonely without you.

37. My life is empty without you.

38. I can’t wait to see you.

39. I want to be with you forever.

40. I love the way you hold me.

41. It kills me to know that you will be gone for a long time.

42. I feel like I am dreaming when I am with you.

43. I have never been loved like this before.

44. I’d love to wake up next to you forever.

45. It hurts me so much to see you this way.

46. If I can’t be with you, then I don’t want to be with anyone else.

47. I am not waiting for a knight in shining armor – mine has already arrived.

48. If your kisses were wishes I would make a 1000 wishes.

49. Life has never been better since you came into my life.

50. I can’t believe we have been together for so long. I guess time flies when you are having fun.

51. I will go to the ends of the world for you.

52. Life without your love is a life I’d rather not live.

53. I love the way you look at me.

54. I trust you with all my heart.

55. Thank you for all you have done for me.

56. The words “I love you” are not enough to express how I feel about you.

57. I can't find the words to express how you make me feel.

58. You make me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world.

59. Just being with you is enough for me to have a great time.

60. You don’t have to say a word for me to feel your love.

Life without endearing words is like being in a garden without flowers. Endearing words create a feeling that transcends our reality and makes life worth living.

To find out more about how you can make your man fall head over heels in love with you, please visit: http://www.smartwomansguide.com.

Don’t forget to share this article with your friends – they will be glad you did.

Steve Ubah is the author of Passion Keys – A Woman’s Ultimate Guide To Unlocking The Love In A Man’s Heart. To find out how you can make your man fall madly in love with you, please visit http://www.smartwomansguide.com

A note to all publishers: Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine, newsletter or website as long as the article’s content is not modified and all links as well as the author’s resource box are included.

How to Start a Conversation Effortlessly

2006-11-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

The ability to converse effortlessly with those you
encounter is a critical component of all your personal and
business relationships.

Good communication skills promote an image of
self-confidence and intelligence. This is not to say that
those people who find it hard to strike up a conversation
are less intelligent.

They simply need to develop the appropriate skills. If you
need to improve upon your communication skills, here are a
few tips to help you get started down the right path.

You can learn how to start a conversation and converse with
anybody, anytime.

1. In order to make interesting conversation, you must be
interesting to others. Keeping yourself informed on current
events, staying involved in activities, and keeping a
mental list of good topics of discussion are excellent ways
to break the ice. And a great tool to help you learn how to
start a conversation with almost anybody.

2. Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable you feel,
prepare yourself by thinking of the issues that interest
you most and what you would like to discuss about a
particular subject.

A little preparation will go a long way in enabling you to
easily converse with others. Don't be afraid to ask
questions.

In general, people like to talk about themselves and will
respond favorably when asked simple, friendly questions.
Learning how to start a conversation is not quite as
difficult if you prepare in advance.

3. Make an effort to be a good listener when starting a
conversation. After you make the initial effort, listen
closely to the other person's response.

Often you'll find an invitation to continue the
conversation if you listen carefully and respond
accordingly. Balance is the key in any conversation.

Alternate between talking and listening to what the other
person is saying and make additional comments as
appropriate.

Learning how to start a conversation is really just using
good manners and showing a genuine interest in others.

4. Even if you find it extremely difficult, always greet
those you encounter with a smile and look them directly in
the eye.

It may be hard at first, but self-confidence is a learned
skill and by acting confidently, you will gain new
self-confidence.

Soon enough you will notice that it is not as hard to
maintain eye contact and carry on a conversation. Act
confidently and you will eventually become confident.

Developing self-confidence is an important part of learning
how to start a conversation.

5. Try to remember small details about co-workers and
acquaintances. Asking about a weekend plan or a relative is
an excellent way to start a conversation and show genuine
interest in those around you.

If you are interesting, attentive, and act with confidence
you will appear to be the kind of person people like to
have as a friend.

By practicing these new skills until they become second
nature, you will increase your own self-esteem and learn
how to start a conversation easily.

Learning how to start a conversation is really just a
process of practicing your social skills until they become
a habit.

Repetition and determination are the most important factors
in building your level of confidence and conversing
effortlessly in any situation.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

Top Ten Ways To Have An Affair And Not Get Caught...

2006-11-20T20:46:00.001-08:00

Most everyone believes when they get married that it will be forever. However, the reality in today's world is that many marriages fail and result in divorce. Other married couples may fall out of love and grow to dislike one another more than they care to admit. But for a variety of reasons (kids, money, religious beliefs etc...), they remain husband and wife in theory primarily.These types of marriages can inevitably lead one or both spouses to seek the comfort of another adult and eventually cheat on one another. Another scenario that may lead a married person to be unfaithful is an unexpected meeting with someone who sweeps them off their feet.Despite their attempts to prevent this relationship from becoming an extramarital affair, they may find their feelings to powerful to deny and thus give into their desires to be with this new person. The saying "Life is too short..." comes to mind as justification for this new love or lust.Yet other married people may consciously choose to cheat on their spouses. If you fall into that category, you probably have the art of not getting caught mastered already.Regardless of what leads a spouse to break their wedding vows, here some of the best ways to get away with an affair.

Never bring your lover to your home.
Never go to your lover's home (unless they are completely single and free from the ties of marriage and/or a serious relationship.) If they get caught by their significant other, chances are your spouse will also find out.
Never call your new companion from your home phone and/or your cell phone (if your spouse has access to your phone record.)
Never give your new friend your home phone number.
Keep a low profile when you are out with your lover. You would be surprised how many people know you and/or your spouse, who unbeknownst to you may see you lavishing inappropriate attention on your new companion in public.
Do your best to meet with your lover out of town - somewhere far enough away from home that you do not know people and people do not know you.
Try to set up a regular schedule of "dates" with your lover. If your spouse expects you to be out of town for business overnight every Wednesday, he/she will not suspect anything when you maintain this schedule and include your new friend in your overnight stays.
Do not become too confident in your ability to deceive your spouse. If you become too sure of yourself, you will get sloppy and you may get caught.
Do not tell everyone you know about your illicit trysts. You should trust very few, if any, friends with your secret.
Do not make promises you cannot keep. Nothing will prompt your lover to reveal your affair to your spouse quicker than your failure to fulfill some insincere commitment to end your marriage for him or her.

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more. Read it online at - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp

The Two-Way Street of Flirting and Attraction

2006-11-20T14:20:00.001-08:00

Why do so many guys have a hard time with approaching women and flirting?

Besides the causally-rooted social influence itself, it's because women forgot how to play the flirting game.

When a woman is showing no signs of interest and is being dismissive and aloof like millions of them are today, they're not giving their own dating lives any help.

They'll go to a Starbucks and instead of giving off signs to guys they're interested in, will stay stuck in their iPOD or their laptop essentially expecting guys to do all of the work. Meanwhile they ask 'why can't I meet any men?' Yet there are dozens of great options everytime they go there.

It's right in front of them and they can't even see it. It's time that women started helping men out because the natural way of attraction is called flirting. It's a sexual communication between a man and a woman.

Basically how it works is this; the man walks in and shouldn't have to do anything. From there, women will start picking up his characteristics and if they're interested they will send nonverbal signals back that are subtle yet obvious enough to let the guy know that it's ok to approach.

Millions of women have turned off their receptor cells and ability to play the flirting game. Unfortunately they have become like brick walls.

The man is nonverbally sending out his S.O.N.A.R.R. (science of natural attraction/response) or 'signal' but it's often never getting bounced back by these independent and developed women. Thus everything becomes a challenge.

This is a root of why there are now more singles than ever.

How can I dare say such a thing? Call it cultural differentiation.

In a first world country, everyone is too independent and not interdependent enough.

They're too stuck in their own world. Women will wear iPOD's and not show ANY signs of interest even in guys that they know they are interested in. This further makes them more frustrated.

Because this is such a social pandemic now, few of these people can explain their behavior.

Cultural differentiation from all of this was the one thing that saved me from utter confusion. Here is just an amazingly true concept. As a man you're supposed to be the same man before, during and after any interaction with women and staying high in character.

Now; as a man, you can go in all kinds of different environments and you'll receive all kinds of different responses to absolutely no responses.

Today's women are often so disconnected and cold that a Tom Cruise could walk in and they wouldn't even know it was him if they didn't know before. They've forgotten how to play the game because of all of their independent development.

So if you walk into some environments like I have without doing anything, you're treated as a rock star, other environments will women be actually throwing obvious nonverbal signs back at you to let you know it's ok to approach and then other environments you could be the best looking, highest character guy in the world and the independent, women won't give you more than a glance.

I mean is it YOU? You're (ideally) staying the same high character man at all of those times. That's why you don't EVER depend on any environment to dictate who you are.

You have to know who you are and know your relationship to anything or any event that could happen. You'll know that it's not going to change who you are and you can't depend on the completely variable responses of women or environments.

Can you see why millions of men are frustrated (like I was)? And those are with the aloof and dismissive Prada 'Inner Alpha' women. The Social Alpha women are more apt to pricktease instead of flirt which confuses men even more and doesn't help the women either.

Prickteasing is the socially contrived act of sexual communication. Flirting is the natural act of
communication.

So many men are confused more with women who will pricktease a man into thinking she is flirting with him when she was either just toying around or planning on ditching him anyways.

It comes down to this; flirting is the natural act of sexual communication and it's a two way street.

It's not up to the man alone to do all of the work and entertain a woman. It's also not entirely his fault to take ALL of the burden for the behaviorism that current society has conditioned into the women.

It's up to him to understand the difference between flirting and prickteasing. It's up to him to clear away the confusion so that he can liberate his own lifetime of oppression when it comes to dating.

Rion Williams is one of the foremost experts in dating advice, personal power and relational dynamics. He is well-known within the seduction community itself.

His work focuses on the regaining and improving of real character within frustrated men who do don't want to 'act', use pick-up lines or techniques to get women.

He teaches modern men how to truly be natural and comfortable in their own skin to consistently succeed with women, attraction and dating. You can sign up for his free eZines and find out more information at http://www.relationaldynamics.org

He also has a free podcast at http://www.lifestyledatingradio.com

How to Act Around Beautiful Women

2006-11-19T14:40:00.001-08:00

Basically, you shouldn't 'act' at all because women will see through it.

So many people say that you should 'just be yourself' around women. The problem is that most men just 'aren't' being themselves anymore around women. And no matter how they try, they just can't! What happens when they see an extremely desirable woman?

Their physiology changes. They become hesitant, incongruent in their body language, nervous, and so forth. Why? There was a change in his relational reality when he wasn't suppose to change, ESPECIALLY when he wasn't supposed to change.

Ultimately you ARE just supposed to be yourself around women. When you're comfortable in your own skin, then they'll be able to trust you and open up to you. It's really the woman's level of interest that matters and ultimately decides if both of you are getting anywhere anyways.

When you're comfortable in your own skin even in the face of her tremendously leveraged Inner and Social character power, women will start throwing you those natural looks and flirty signals much more. They'll start desiring YOU often for nothing other than being the first man who is truly comfortable around their beauty.

From a woman's angle, sure she's beautiful but it's also a curse because it's hard to find 'real men' especially who aren't jerks. And usually it's all kinds of 'nice guys' who are stuck in the relationship of being the permanent 'response' to her which she doesn't like at all.

But how do you just 'be yourself' around women when they ARE so beautiful, empowered, intelligent and desirable? After all, you shouldn't have to develop a fake 'persona' or 'front', you should be able to let your true colors shine like our forefathers did.

Well..

You could say to change your self-limiting beliefs but that still isn't going to help most guys. Why? Primarily because the things that have limited them in the first place, they're not aware of and don't understand those powers.

It's not necessarily 'them' that is the problem. It's lack of cognition in the great relational and social power game that is going on that is preventing men and women from being normal anymore.

Once you can 'see the matrix' like Neo does, you'll be able to differentiate yourself from it and have more independent power than you ever thought possible.

You'll be able to re-frame your entire reality to one of having only win/win relationships with other people including all sources of influence coming from the social matrix itself. Then, you'll be able to let your true colors shine.

You'll be a 'real man' who doesn't need pick up lines. You can just make comfortable and social connections, then let women respond and open up to you. Then the mating game continues from there because you were born to know what to do; just unlearn everything that has gotten in the way.

Realigning yourself to power alpha relational dynamics defines all of your behavior so that you anything you do is the right thing because the women are interested and attracted.

This is the way it's supposed to be, is for the 'naturals' and that's why you'll have to trust that you really don't need to learn 'the words to say' as those are just crutches for guys who are stuck in the response reality to the stimulus of women.

I teach men how to get this level of power and fearless with Relational Mapping and Nano Elemental Oversight. Consider it advanced, power relationship management and a complete change in reality with a complete change in results.

No more 'acting', it's time for 'being'. Being that man who is comfortable in his skin before, during and after any interaction with beautiful women and that's when they know they can trust you and respond to you. It's time to be 'real'.

Rion Williams is one of the foremost experts in dating advice, personal power and relational dynamics. He is well-known within the seduction community itself.

His work focuses on the regaining and improving of real character within frustrated men who do don't want to 'act', use pick-up lines or techniques to get women.

He teaches modern men how to truly be natural and comfortable in their own skin to consistently succeed with women, attraction and dating. You can sign up for his free eZines and find out more information at http://www.relationaldynamics.org

He also has a free podcast at http://www.lifestyledatingradio.com

How to Tell If Your Boyfriend or Husband Is Cheating On You

2006-11-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

How to Tell If Your Boyfriend or Husband Is Cheating On You
By Brandi Simon

The word infidelity brings with it fear to every woman I’ve ever had the opportunity to speak with. While many make the claim that their spouse would never cheat on them they realize that is false hope and that it could very well happen to them.

When trying to decide if your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you, you should start by looking for some of the warning signs.

Lower desire to be with you sexually.

Suddenly tries new sexual positions.

Working late more often.

Mysterious phone calls.

Gets angry when you look at the cell phone, pager, or computer. Is secretive of such.

Smell of perfume on their clothing.

Takes a shower as soon as he comes home.

You find hairs or other objects on his body or in his possessions.

Starts taking more care with his appearance.

Accuses you of cheating.

He changes his normal routine without cause or reason.

Now it’s really easy to look at a list like this and see something that your husband does. That’s why it’s important to remember that you are looking for changes in his behavior. If you husband normally takes a shower as soon as he gets home from work then it is unlikely that this is a sign of his cheating. You are looking for multiple changes in behavior, routine, or personality; not isolated incidences or incidences that do not last. Take for example the lower desire to be with you sexually. This would be common when your husband is sick or under pressure at work. This alone should not raise any red flags. However, if you notice this and then a week later he comes home smelling of perfume, this is cause for alarm.

There are many people out there claiming to be experts who will tell you that you should confront your husband when you become suspicious but, that is on of the worst things you can do. I’ve even read that you should confront because the longer you wait the better they become at lying to you. I believe these people have never been in your position. To confront without some sort of evidence will only lead to more lies. Do not be fooled, your boyfriend or husband has been lying to you for quite some time and is really good at it.

If you confront without evidence you will be lied to. They will even lie when you have the evidence. Without evidence you will be left with more doubts than when you started and you will feel as if you are crazy. Your husband will spin it and make it seem as though he just can’t believe that you would think such a thing about him. Also, you can bet your last dollar that he will become much more careful of his actions and behaviors and you may never find the truth.
Also consider the possibility that your suspicions are unfounded. What will happen to your relationship if you confront then? You valued your relationship so little that you jumped to conclusions and accused your husband of cheating without any proof!

Remember to always verify before you confront.

Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit http://www.marital-matters.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brandi_Simon

How To Keep Your Love Alive

2006-11-18T06:43:00.000-08:00

How To Keep Your Love Alive
By Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Some believe that romance should just come naturally, and if it doesn’t, or if the original closeness that existed in a relationship starts to subside, it means that something is wrong. Nothing is further from the truth. Keeping love alive requires time, attention and the willingness to keep things fresh and learn how to constantly reconnect. Here are some steps that will help us reconnect with our partners, and keep the love alive.

Step 1: Give up dead routines

After the initial excitement of being together is over, many fall into a routine and begin taking one another for granted. They assume they know what their partner is feeling, that it doesn’t matter if they come late for a date, don’t look as good as they used to, or decide to spend more and more time out with friends. However, it is crucial to realize that there are many small ways in which we sabotage relationships. Unless two people feel cared for and valued by one another, it is easy for the feelings of love to fade away.

Break into routines. Snap out of ruts. Take time to plan exciting, romantic, delicious times to spend together. Even if it’s just for a little while. Dedicate time to the relationship that nothing can interrupt. This is a sacred time for the two of you, and during it do what makes both of you feel most fulfilled.

Step 2: Take Charge of How You Perceive Your Partner Each Day

The good feelings between partners are often heightened by the way in which they view one another. Do you view him as a hero? Someone you can look up to and respect? Or are you mostly dwelling upon his/her faults? After a relationship has gone on for a while it is easy to begin to view one another as ordinary. This is a sure-fire technique for putting out any fire that might exist. Remember, when you first fell in love, you only saw the best about that person and focused on how wonderful they were. If you want to keep the love alive, keep that going consciously.

Here are two exercises to do to help. Get a personal notebook to record your experiences and feelings in. Read it from time to time. Dedicated a certain time each day to the relationship and what is possible between the two of you.

Exercise A – How You See Your Partner

Take some time and write down a description of how you see your partner. Who is he/she to you now? How do you feel about him? Write this down without censoring your thoughts and feelings.

Then, write down how you saw him when you first met, and how you felt about him then. See how your feelings of closeness are affected by the way you are perceiving the person today. Realize that how you perceive a person is totally within your control. You can have the most beautiful person in front of you, but if you do not see it, it is of no avail.

Consciously view your partner in a way that is similar to the way you did in the beginning. They will feel the effects of this, and begin responding in kind.

Exercise B – Stop Pushing Him/Her Away

There are many, little things we do (consciously and unconsciously) that push our partners away. Many are afraid of intimacy and do a great deal to short circuit it. Take a little while to write down ways in which you push him/her away. This is not to blame yourself, but to become aware of the times when you are not actually inviting closeness, but putting on the brakes.

Now, decide to change the way you behave. Each day take one item on your list (the way you’ve pushed him away) and do the opposite. For example, rather than criticizing him in public, say nice things about him with friends. A few small actions can have huge effects. .

Step 2: Understanding Hidden Expectations

There is nothing that can cause us to disconnect from each other as much as expectations that have been unfulfilled. We all enter relationships with many kinds of expectations and dreams, some we are aware of, others not. There is nothing that causes more disappointment than our expectations which are not being met.

Take a moment to become aware of what you are expecting of your partner. Is it possible for him to fulfill these expectations Does he want the same thing from the relationship?
More often than not, it is our unfulfilled expectations, not the other person, which make us upset. In order to feel close and satisfied in a relationship, a crucial step is making sure your expectations can be met. See how your expectations align with the person you’re with. Also take time to see if anyone can fulfill them? Are these expectations realistic or simply childhood dreams you are still carrying with you?

Exercise C –- Letting Him Fulfill Your Dreams

Become aware off which expectations of yours your partner does meet. Now see if you are willing to be satisfied with that. Can you find a way to feel grateful for what you are receiving? Sometimes just deciding that what your partner offers is good enough, can allow the love to re-ignite once again.
Then, let him know that he’s making you happy. Most people have a deep need to know and to hear that they are meaningful to you.

Step 6: Re-Choose Your Partner

When these steps are taken, you will not only be more connected, but you will be with your partner because there is no other place you want to be. The relationship will not be one of convenience, but one of choice. The actual act of re-choosing our partners, of knowing they are the one’s we want to be with, is the culmination of the reconnecting and romance we’ve found.

Sometimes it is very beautiful to make this process conscious. You can write down and express the ways in which you wish to recommit to your partner, you can write down and express the aspects of them that cause you to feel this way. By doing this on an on-going basis, we not only keep the love and relationship fresh, but we keep ourselves aware of why we are with the person, what our part is in the relationship, and the joy and romance that is possible for us to have forever.

Cc/author/2005

Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship in Dr. Shoshanna's new e-book, Save Your Relationship, (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com. Even a wonderful relationship can become difficult when we don't know and practice the simple laws of love. In this e-book you'll discover the common mistakes people make in relationships and how to set them straight. Filled with guidance and exercises, you'll learn how to clear up misunderstandings, feel good about yourself and make wise choices. Not only will you save your relationship, but find the fulfillment you've been hoping for. Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, speaker, workshop leader and the author of many books, including The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living), Zen and the Art of Falling In Love, and Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World).http://www.brendashoshsanna.com, or contact Dr. Shoshanna at mailto: topspeaker@yahoo.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Brenda_Shoshanna

Masturbate and Feel Good

2006-11-17T19:47:00.001-08:00

Masturbate and Feel Good
By Jessica Stumper

"Masturbation ... is not approved of the Lord nor this church, regardless
of what may be said by those whose 'norms' are lower", President
Kimball of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (1981)

"Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God
gets quite irate." Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.

A quote often used by various churches in an effort to contain illicit acts
amongst its people. Every sermon on masturbation would quote it,
atleast all the sermons I have heard. Under the circumstances, is it
difficult to imagine masturbation as one of the biggest taboos in our
society? Even today? Scientific education has done a little to change it.
Does that mean men and women don't masturbate? Certainly not. 99%
of men and 70% of women masturbate according to various studies. The
problem lies in the acceptance of the fact that you masturbate. Let me
tell you a story... a story about you.

One night you were sitting alone in your appartment eating pizza. You
decided to check out some new sites on the net while you eat. So you
log on to your ISP and start surfing. Inadverantely, you come across
some piece of pornography(yes, the net is quite full of it!) Looking at
those erotic (and often downright nasty photos) you feel a tingling
between your legs. One thing leads to another and you end up spoiling
your underpants. Now let me tell you another story.

One night you were sitting alone in a bar drinking beer. And then a most
gorgeous person enters the bar. The person that causes tingling
between your legs just looking at him or her. You decide that you can't
let go of this oppurtunity to get to know this wonderful creation of god. So
you move towards this person and start small talk. One thing leads to
another and you end up in your appartment.

Whether you are a woman or a man, the next morning you wouldn't be
jumping with joy in the first case. When you go out in the evening to
meet your friends, you would not tell them about the hot site you found
and how you jerked off to it. Nevertheless, in the second case, you
would be telling anyone who cared to listen how you had the most
wonderful experience of your life last night. Why? Well, maybe because
self pleasure is, well, nothing special. You can do it anytime you want.
Ofcourse seducing the person of your dreams is quite an
accomplishment. No wonder you need an audience. But what if you
have a friend like me. A friend who is crazy enough to ask you did you
wank off yesterday night? Was it good? What would you do then? Would
you tell your friend about the hot site and your experience? Would you
simply say, "Yeah! It was great! What about you?" Or would you pretend
nothing had happened and lie... something like you were somewhere
else yesterday night, or maybe lead your friend to believe you got lucky
with someone?

I am guessing you would do the latter. Most certainly you won't
acknowledge the act of masturbation. Rather you would evade the
question and change the topic. And when your friend tells you about a
hot conquest the same night, you would wish you had a bowl of water in
which you could drown. Shame and guilt would come over you and you
would change the topic in double quick time. Are you crazy? Noway!
You are just one of the majority. And quite a majority at that! Way more
majority that what George Bush had in the last elections! The reason -
social conditioning!

You are just like the boy who ran out of the cinema hall that was
screening an adult film (mind you, he had no business of being there in
the first place! But all the cinemas care about is the sale of their tickets!)

Later in the day, the friend who had been at the movies with him, caught
up with him and asked, "Why in the hell's name did you run out?" The
boy answered, "My mom said that if I watched a woman getting naked I
would turn to stone. And damn you Harry, a part of me was already
turning into stone!"

Unluckily, the social conditioning is wrong. It is as wrong as the social
condition in 18-19th century India, where widows were forced to burn
alive with their husbands. As wrong as the church was in burning
Galileo for implying the Earth was not the centre of the universe. Lily
Tomlin put it best, "We have reasons to believe that man first walked
upright to free his hands for masturbation!" If god didn't want us to
masturbate, maybe we would still be walking like dogs and horses!

The social conditioning is a result of numerous myths, lies and scams
perperated by numerous individuals for personal benefit. Unfortunately,
this conditioning is like a hard nut, very tough to crack. However, with
effort and chanelising your energies, you can break it. Remember, the
nuts that crack the hardest, are often the ones that taste the best! You
must be wondering, how the hell does it matter if you feel guilty about
masturbation. Why should you spend time breaking this casing?

Certain psychologists believe that guilt conscious, whether sexual guilt
or in any other form, is the most destructive element for your mental
health. Others believe it is one of the most destructive. But the greatest
effect of guilt conscious in my experience has been a lack of confidence
in self. Now you are an intelligent reader. I don't need to explain you the
importance of self confidence. Be it your career, relationships or any
other aspect of life, lack of confidence can bring your downfall. Now I am
not implying that should you start to feel more comfortable about
masturbation, you would succeed in all aspects of life. But it would be a
nice step to take. An useless guilt that should, and can be eradicated
from your mind. Remember, an ocean is made of small droplets of
water. Get rid of a drop at a time and in due time, the ocean would be
empty! Ofcourse it would take several millenia! Luckily, you don't have
an ocean full of guily! Just some naggings here and there!

The first step towards eradication of this guilt is knowledge. There are
thousands of myths around masturbation. Most of them perperated by
religion, unfortunately. But some perperated by scam runners. Lets take
a look at the most important ones.

1. Masturbation is against the will of god.

Bullshit. At one point the church considered anyone who was overtly
passionate to his wife an adultrater. Follow that teaching and your wife
would be committing adultery! Several clergymen have gone on record
to say that not only the church's teachings about sexuality were
unrelated to the scriptures, but that they caused more harm than good
amongst people. Besides, nowhere in the religious teachings of any
major religions is masturbation considered wrong.

2. Masturbation will cause impotency.

Most males and even some females seem to think so. Wrong again. Lets
tackle the males first. It is understandable that seeing their sperm flow
out of their body, they think it may end sometime. Well, it will end one
day... maybe when you are 100 years old. But until then don't worry.
Your sperm bank is quite unlike Standard Chartered. You have
unlimited credit here! Sperm is a completely renewable resource,
renewable on an hourly basis! For women, well, there is no basis in the
theory. Probably perperated by old ladies who never had an orgasm in
their entire life!

3. Masturbation causes acnes, hair loss, skin diseases.

This one is my favorite. Mainly because it is one of the better scams of
all times! Your social conditioning would have you believe that
masturbation is bad for your health. But bad how? No one would give
you a satisfying answer! Now some scam artists saw this as an good
oppurtunity to sell their products like hair growth lotions, etc. Since most people start masturbating during their teens, (the times of acne and
other skin problems), they would have you believe that this is caused by
masturbation! Unluckily for them, this is as untrue as the sun rising from
the west! Masturbation has no physical side effects!

4. Masturbating will make you thin and skinny!

Then there would be no need for diet pills and fitness regimes my friend!
And most certainly 70% of USA wouldn't be overweight!

5. Only Kids masturbate!

Why would you say that? I wonder! Well quite untrue, most adults
masturbate... yup even after marriage!

6. Masturbation is for males.

And it is for 70% of the women too. Thats right, two thirds of all females
masturbate!

7. Only losers masturbate!

Another of my favorites. Just goes to show just how much of a taboo is
masturbation! First thing, 99% of males and 70% of females have
masturbated atleast once in their lives. Now that is a hell of a lot of
losers don't you think! Nothing more that I can add really... this is really
the epitome of insecurity amongst people regarding self pleasure.

8. Masturbation is for homosexuals.

Wow. Where did that one originate! Someone must make a etymology of
these myths, would make for an interesting read! Just as untrue as all
these myths, masturbation and homosexuality have nothing in common.
Some people masturbate to their fantasies of opposite sex, others to
their fantasies of same sex. Thats it.

9. Masturbation will make you blind!

Others claim that masturbation is bad for your eyesights. However, their
claims are unsupported by facts and medical advice. I suggest you talk
to your general physician and he will explain you what a load of bull this
is.

10. Masturbation changes the shape of your penis

Well, it does make it rock hard. But believe me, once you orgasm, the
hardness is gone! So no. Masturbation has absolutely no effect on how
your penis looks.

There are loads more of these myths circulating around the world. If you
have a query about masturbation, ask me, I would happily lay your fears
to rest. My email is advice@pornographytimes.com

Now lets move on in an attempt to get rid of your guilt. Clearly, all the
reasons that made masturbation such a taboo are baseless. So why
should you feel guilty about something that is normal and actually
healthy? Healthy? Yes that too! This January, I recieved an email from a
woman who had some major problems in her marriage. Due to her
career and that of her husband, their sexual life was inexistant. Both
held jobs in big MNCs and were frequently out of town. Sometimes, they
would see each other once a month! Nevertheless, they were very much
in love. Her problem was, that inspite of all their love, they were getting
into petty fights with each other. The woman was even experiencing
problems during work, getting angry for no apparent reasons, shouting
on her team. Her temperament was a creation of the stress caused by
extensive work and lack of pleasurable activities. Add to that sexual
frustration.

My advice to her was twofold. First, I told her that she would have to slow
down, and so should her husband. They must make time for their
hobbies, maybe try and get in some physical exercise when they could.
Most certainly, they needed to see more of each other. They should
onsider talking off a couple of days and just be together. Second, while
she was alone, she should consider fantasy therapy. Namely, reading
erotic novels, watching erotic movies... exciting herself and eventually
masturbating as regularly as she could. Three months later, I recieved a
thank you letter from her. Apparently she had put my advice to practice
(which is quite rare!) and it had actually helped. (Which is not so rare!)

How did masturbating help her? Because most of her problems arose
from stress and lack of physical activities. And masturbation, like sex, is
the perfect medicing. When you orgasm, your mind gets cleared of the
regular day to day problems. Your body gets excited and the blood flow
increases. Sometimes, you even sweat! A complete and perfect exercise
for those with lack of time!

The next step in getting rid of your guilt is self belief. Something, no
outsider can help you with. Here is what I would counsel. Read as many
articles on the internet as you can relating to masturbation. Just so that
you know that I am not bullshitting you. Any queries you have, don't be
afraid to ask me or another sex advisor on any of the reputed websites.
Remember, the first step is knowledge and the second step is belief.
And knowledge leads to belief. Good Wanking!

Dr. Jessica Stumper is a columnist for The Pornography Times (http://www.pornographytimes.com/) She writes a sex health and techniques
column on the website.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jessica_Stumper

Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs to Know and What You Can Do to Help

2006-11-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity.

That may seem like a very steep number. However after two decades plus of full time work as a marriage and family therapist, I don't believe that number is off the charts. I worked with a great number of people involved in infidelity who were never discovered.

The possibility that someone close to you is or soon will be involved in an extramarital affair (any of the three parties) is extremely high.

Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will notice changes in the person's habits and behavioral patterns as well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity. Maybe you will sense something "out of character" but be unable to pinpoint what it is.

It is not a given that he/she will tell you. Those hiding the affair will continue to hide. The "victim" of the extramarital affair often, at least initially, is racked with anger, hurt, embarrassment and thoughts of failing that preclude divulging the crisis.

It might be important to confront the person with your observations, depending on the status of your relationship with the person.

It is important to understand that extramarital affairs are different and serve different purposes.

Out of my study and experience with hundreds of couples I've identified 7 different kinds of infidelity.

Briefly, some extramarital affairs are reactivity to a perceived lack of intimacy in the marriage. Others arise out of addictive tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.

Some in our culture play out issues of entitlement and power by becoming "trophy chasers." This "boys will be boys" mentality is subtly encouraged in some contexts. Some become involved in marital infidelity because of a high need for drama and excitement and are enthralled with the idea of "being in love" and having that "loving feeling."

An extramarital affair might be for revenge either because the spouse did or did not do something. Or the revenge may stem from rage. Although revenge is the motive for both, they look and feel very different.

Another form of infidelity serves the purpose of affirming personal desirability. A nagging question of being "OK" may lead to usually a short-term and one-person affair. And finally, some affairs are a dance that attempts to balance needs for distance and intimacy in the marriage, often with collusion from the spouse.

The prognosis for survivability of the marriage is different for each. Some affairs are the best thing that happens to a marriage. Others serve a death knell. As well, different extramarital affairs demand different strategies on the part of the spouse or others. Some demand toughness and movement. Others demand patience and understanding.

The emotional impact of the discovery of infidelity is usually profound. Days and weeks of sleeplessness, rumination, fantasies (many sexual) and unproductivity follow. It typically takes 2 – 4 years to "work through" the implications. A good coach or therapist can accelerate and mollify the process. I don't recommend "marriage" counseling, at least initially.

The devastating emotional impact results from a couple powerful dynamics. Trust is shattered – of one's ability to discern the truth. The most important step is NOT to learn to trust the other person, but to learn to trust one's self. Another is the power that a secret plays in relationships. THE secret exacts an emotional and sometimes physical toll that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

How can you help?

Those in the midst of their affair crisis told me they need this from you:

1. Sometimes I want to vent, get it out without censor. I know sometimes I will say what I shouldn't be saying. It may not be nice, pretty or mild. Please know that I know better, but I need to get it off my chest.

2. Every so often I want to hear something like, "This too shall pass." Remind me that this is not forever.

3. I want to be validated. I want to know that I am OK. You can best do that by nodding acceptance when I talk about the pain or confusion.

4. I want to hear sometimes, "What are you learning? What are you doing to take care of yourself?" I may need that little jolt that moves me beyond my pain to see the larger picture.

5. I may want space. I may want you to be quiet and patient as I attempt to sort through and express my thoughts and feelings. Give me some time to stammer, stutter and stumble my way through this.

6. I want someone to point out some new options or different roads that I might take. But before you do this, make sure I am first heard and validated.

7. When they pop into your mind, recommend books or other resources that you think I might find helpful.

8. I want to hear every so often, "How's it going?" And, I may want this to be more than an informal greeting. Give me time and space to let you know exactly how it IS going.

9. I want you to understand and welcome the ambivalent feelings and desires. I would like you to be fairly comfortable with the gray areas and the contradictions about how I feel and what I may want.

10. I want you to be predictable. I want to be able to count on you to be there, listen and speak consistently or let me know when you are unable to do that. I will honor that.

Extramarital affairs are powerful. Affairs are costly. They affect family, friends, colleagues and employers. Infidelity is also an opportunity – to redesign one's life and love relationships in ways that create honor, joy and true intimacy.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

2006-11-17T02:49:00.000-08:00

"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous words for your marriage.

But over and over in my office and on the phone I hear it: "We are just friends, there is nothing going on."

The majority of extramarital affairs begin as "just friends." While it is certainly true that there are affairs that begin with impulsive one-night stands with a stranger, the most common ones that I see begin as "just friends." In fact, if you find yourself thinking or saying "but we are just friends" you are probably already in trouble.

Gary Rosberg of America's Family Coaches states that there are at least 19 stages a person will pass through on the way to physically consummating an extramarital affair. There are at least two important notions that we can lift from Rosberg's statement:

1) At each and every one of the 19 steps, you have a clear choice between going further down or stopping the process. In other words, these things don't "just happen."

2) An affair - by the way, I hate that term!

It makes it sound like it is this wonderful experience with no consequences ... as in "It was a grand affair." In my marital counseling and relationship coaching experience, adultery breaks up marriages, wrecks families and crushes kids.

Anyway, now that my rant is over, an affair becomes adultery long before the physical act. In fact, emotional affairs can be stronger and more difficult to get out of than physical affairs.

The late Shirly Glass was a pioneer in the area of emotional affairs. In her 2003 book "NOT Just Friends: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal," Glass identifies three red flags that indicate that you have progressed from a safe friendship to a romantic emotional affair.

1) You feel closer to your friend than you do your spouse.

You find yourself thinking of this person more and more often and looking forward to the next time you are together. When something happens during the day, the first person you think of telling is this friend, not your spouse.

2) Keeping secrets.

You no longer feel comfortable telling your spouse about this person. You begin to cover up so as not to be found out.

3) An increasing sexual tension.

You admit your attraction for each other, but promise (complain) that you can never act on it. You fantasize what it would be like to be with this person. This helps to create a pretend world where everything would be wonderful if the two of you could just be together.

One of the most overlooked and dangerous facts about emotional affairs is that we are all vulnerable. If you believe that this fact does not apply to you, then you are even more vulnerable than everyone else.

How to protect yourself and your relationship

Keep clear boundaries. A boundary is simply what kids mean when they say "don't go there."

Avoid being alone with and/or emotionally close to someone to whom you are attracted.

Talk often about your spouse. "Spouse bashing" does not count. Talk about what you have done lately and what you are looking forward to with your spouse.

If you are going to talk about emotional issues in your marriage, make sure you are talking to your spouse, a trusted friend who is on the side of you and your marriage or a professional who is on the side of your marriage.

Be especially careful at work. More and more emotional affairs are occurring in the workplace. You spend time together, you go through crises together, you solve problems together. Do not make a habit of taking private lunches or breaks with the same person over and over.

Set up a review committee in your mind. Ask yourself, "Would my wife, my mom, my wife's mom, my sister approve of what I am doing right now?" or, "Would my husband, my dad, my husband's dad, my brother approve of what I am doing right now?"

If the answer is no, then I offer you what I call my RLH prescription.

RHL stands for Run Like Hell!

Here is a cold dose of reality: 75 percent of marriages between affair partners result in divorce.

In closing, remember that we are all vulnerable, watch for the warning signs, and protect yourself and your marriage.

For more strategies and tips for recovery and prevention of emotional affairs, you can pre-order the brand new e-book "Your Emotional Affair: The Ultimate Guide to Recovery and Prevention" at http://www.YourEmotionalAffair.com From relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

5 Things To Do Before You Even Think About Getting A Divorce

2006-11-16T18:24:00.000-08:00

There are many steps to take to protect yourself in a divorce. This article will get you started. Your best bet is to talk to a lawyer before you do anything.

1. Talk to a Marriage Counselor or other professional who may be able to help you save your marriage.

Even if you don’t think there’s hope for the marriage, “divorce counseling” can help you discover what went wrong, how to cope, and how to pick up the pieces and go on. Don’t wait for your spouse to participate. If you don’t know how to find a qualified counselor, our firm will be glad to recommend one or you can check out the directory of professionals at stayhappilymarried.com. Your employment, social or religious contacts might also provide leads.

2. Talk to an attorney before you do anything.

Even if you don’t end up hiring an attorney to handle your separation or divorce, you would be well advised to get as much information as you can before you even discuss divorce with your spouse. There’s a lot to know about divorce in North Carolina…our laws are complex and even the simplest situation can be very confusing to families already in distress. Actions you take now may very well affect the outcome of your divorce (see #3) and you need to understand your options ahead of time…not some time down the road when it may be too late to alter the outcome. Click here to find attorneys who are well versed in the intricacies of North Carolina divorce law.

3. Do not move out of the marital home without talking to an attorney first.

Leaving the house without a good reason may cause you to pay alimony or may result in your inability to collect alimony. If you leave the house, you may also be unable to return until after a court divides the property. This process might take more than a year. The best advice is to stay in the house until after you talk with an attorney unless your spouse is violent. If your spouse is violent, you must take all steps necessary to protect yourself and your children.

4. If you have been involved in any extramarital affairs, talk to a lawyer before you discuss this with your spouse or anyone else.

In this case, honesty may not be the best policy. In addition to the fact that adultery is illegal in some states, admission of an affair can have other dire consequences. If your spouse is a candidate for alimony, any illicit sexual behavior on your part (during the marriage…which includes the time you are separated) could end up costing you thousands in additional alimony payments.

5. Take concrete steps to safeguard your assets before you and your spouse begin discussing divorce.

One of these steps is to take possession of certain assets during separation, especially those assets you wish to be using, such as furniture and vehicles, and those assets that might be liquidated by your spouse, including precious gems and stones, other collectibles, cash, and bearer bonds.

Another self-protective step is to file what is known as a Lis Pendens in the Deeds Office of any county where you and/or your spouse own real property. The lis pendens puts third parties on notice of your claim to have an interest in the real estate against which the lis pendens is docketed. The lis pendens is basically a notice of pending litigation that may affect real property. A properly recorded and served lis pendens clouds the title to the property, preventing an effective sale of the property behind your back. The rules regarding a lis pendens contain very specific requirements, all of which are spelled out in section 1-116 and the following sections of the North Carolina General Statutes.

A third possible step to protect the assets of your marriage is to get an injunction restraining your spouse from transferring or otherwise disposing of any property covered by the restraining order. Your attorney can also use an injunction to get your separate property returned to you, where your separate property is in the possession of your spouse and the spouse refuses to give it to you. The equitable distribution statute also provides a means for you to obtain an interim distribution of marital property, pending a final resolution of the property matter. Such an interim allocation could, for instance, give you much needed funds on which to live.

Other protective measures you might consider in your divorce planning include: (1) protecting your own credit rating by freezing or closing joint cards and by blocking your spouse's access to other joint credit such as a home equity loan; (2) closing joint bank accounts and opening accounts in your own, individual name; (3) changing the name of the responsible party on utility and other bills; and (4) spending where possible your spouse's separate property first, marital property next, and your own separate property last.

While this list will help you get started on the right track, it is by no means a complete list of all the things you need to do and know if you are considering a divorce. For more information about the rights and duties of separating and divorcing husbands and wives visit http://www.rosen.com. You’ll find a complete law library, downloadable divorce forms, a legal fee calculator, a child support calculator, lists of professionals who can help you and stories from people just like you who have survived divorce.

Lee S. Rosen is a Board Certified Family Law Specialist and founder of Rosen Divorce in North Carolina. Rosen Divorce is the largest divorce firm in the Southeastern United States. For more information visit http://www.rosen.com.

Best Sexual Positions ~ Spicy Up the Woman on Her Back Position

2006-11-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

Are you tired of having your lover fall asleep on top of you after sex? Then it’s time to introduce the best sexual positions into your love making and possibly even fire-up the intimacy between the sheets. Adding variety in sexual positions with the woman on her back can potentially lead to the most amazing sex and bring you the most incredible orgasm, if you know how.

First, spice up the woman on her back position by participating in the pumping, the gyrating and all that coital hip movement that comes with this sexual position. Lift your hips and meet him thrust for thrust. Experiment with different angles in this sexual position. This will allow for variance in depth of penetration, intensifying the sex. To get the best out of this sexual position, raise your knees up, bracing your feet on the bed or ground or wherever you are lying down, gyrate your hips as you bring your lover towards the pinnacles of sexual pleasure.

One of the best sexual positions to try during love making is to open your legs wide lifting them up. Open your legs as wide as you can in a letter V-shape and you’ll see that this simple leg movement allows for even deeper penetration. The higher you can lift your legs up, the deeper your lover can penetrate you. For best results, embrace your lover with your legs or brace your feet on his butt and increasing the depth of his thrust.

The key to the best sexual position for the woman on her back is to prolong your orgasm by relaxing your vaginal muscles. Put your legs down alongside or underneath your lovers’. The shallower thrust with this position enables him to maintain a rock-hard erection and make the loving last for hours.

Most important of all, is to practice these sexual positions, it is essential to unlocking the secrets to sexual pleasure. By making your lovemaking technique supercharged, steamy and earth-shattering the last thing he’ll do is fall sleep!

To Learn More About Sexual Positions, Videos, Pictures, Tips and Techniques ~ Visit THE LOVEMAKING ZONE

The Best Break Up Advice

2006-11-16T02:45:00.000-08:00

Extreme Breakup Recovery

Maximum Healing – Minimum Time

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don’t need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn’t matter how long you have suffered, it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain, and use this breakup to your benefit.

You may feel that you can’t stop clinging on to the past, but by clinging on to the past, you are stopping life. Life is change; people come and go in your life, and that is okay. As you grow, new people will come and some may leave. It is all for your own good. The tendency to cling to the old and avoid change is a common human trait. Unfortunately, it is also a self-defeating and self-destructive habit, and completely unnecessary.

I have seen too much suffering and pain from breakups. Friends, family members, clients and acquaintances have gone through long periods of pain before getting over their exes. It took them a long time before healing their hearts and opening for love again. From the outside, it was obvious that their exes were not the right people for them in the first place, or that their relationship had become stagnant and even sour. Finally the breakup occurred, followed by a long period of pain, suffering and ultimately a slow healing. (A long, painful recovery can create long lasting negative consequences in life, such as loss of a job, poor school performance, depression, weight problems, and many more).

Years later, after the breakup, I found them happier than ever, with a loved one. That new person seemed to be almost a perfect match. Looking back into their lives, they realized that unless they went through that breakup, finding their true love would not have happened. So, why couldn’t they accept that this breakup was for their own good in the first place? Why couldn’t they get over it faster, rather than taking months or years to do so? Why did they have to go through years or months of suffering? Why did they waste so much precious time of their lives?

After a breakup, everybody has two choices. One, leave the healing to time. Two, take charge of the recovery process. The first method will take a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and torturous. The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to accelerate the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to find healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before. You may need some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing. We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go through an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method, a successfully proven method for emotional healing.

The Extreme F.A.S.T. method is an effective, simple and practical alternative to heal faster than you thought possible. Three facts make this method a very exciting proposition: First, it works; second, anyone can follow it and get results; third, it creates permanent change in the negative pattern of relationships. I must warn you: the Extreme F.A.S.T. method is not for people who want to suffer, cling on to the past, or keep repeating the same patterns in their relationships. This method is the ultimate healing tool: a quick, productive, effective and confronting method to heal as fast as you can. The steps are: Face It, Accept It, See The Lessons and Take Yourself To A New Level.

The first step is to Face It. The alternative to facing it, is denying it. Even though denial is a “natural” stage in any healing process it is unnecessary and it only creates prolonged suffering. You can accelerate your healing process by facing it. Even though it will be painful, it will feel so good afterwards. Some of the realities you need to face are: you have been hurt, you are emotional, you feel lonely and empty, and the most important one, it is over. This first step is intense and filled with emotional release. To make it easier, express your feelings and emotions privately, avoid self-destructive behaviors (such as drinking and casual sex) and be your own best friend.

The second step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. healing process is to Accept It. Acceptance means to surrender to what is real, versus what we wish were real. Acceptance also means that we can look into ourselves for honest answers. We can see how we contributed to the situation and how we were partly responsible for it. Among the things you need to accept are, that you have idealized your ex, you are there were “warning signs” and suffering helps you avoid your life.

The third step is to see the lessons. Life is always guiding us to what is best for us. Through joyful and painful experiences, we learn lessons that help us grow. Sometimes the only way we pay attention to our deep needs, is when we experience pain and suffering. These are the lessons you need to see about: self-esteem, your definition of love, and your choice of a partner. As you learn from these areas you are growing and preparing to get the love you truly deserve. An important question to ask yourself as you see your lessons: Is there anything that you fear about long term relationships?

The fourth and last step of the Extreme F.A.S.T. method is to Take Yourself To A New Level. This means to get to a new level in your life where you can start living your life in a more fulfilling way. Many of the apparently negative experiences we have in our lives guide us to explore new alternatives for ourselves. We may learn new ways of taking care of ourselves, new ways of feeling good about ourselves and new ways of relating to others. By taking small risks that feel comfortable for us, we grow and develop a new sense of self. Your new level of growth will include new levels of: Self-esteem and confidence, positive relationships, passion and Fun, and Love in your life.

By going through these steps, the Extreme F.A.S.T method can really help you accelerate your healing and get ready for a new love. But the first love you need to develop is with yourself. As you realize that the outside world is a reflection of your internal world, you may want to pay more attention to your feelings, emotions and needs. The pain that some experiences bring into your life is generally a call for you to pay more attention to yourself. So why not start now.

When you choose a method to use and follow in your breakup or divorce recovery, you are already on the path to healing. You have a choice; use your free will to choose what is best for YOU.

It requires a lot of courage and strength to want to heal fast. It would be easier to follow the mass belief that after a breakup we will go through a lot of pain and suffering for years, or at least months. However, you can make a different choice. You can believe in your own capacity to heal fast, in your own ability to get on with your life as soon as possible. You don’t need to waste precious time suffering and dwelling on the past. You can get the love you truly deserve. Your true partner is already on the way; the more you suffer and prolong your healing, the more you will delay his or her arrival.

Make your choice: Time or Extreme Breakup Recovery?

© 2005 Jeanette Castelli. Adapted from “Extreme Breakup Recovery” by Jeanette Castelli, M.S. A do it yourself Workshop-In-A-Book®. Features a step-by-step guidance through the Extreme F.A.S.T. method: proven for quick, permanent and productive recovery from any breakup or divorce. Includes exercises, worksheets and affirmations. Book available at bookstores and online retailers worldwide. ISBN: 0-9742061-3-X. For more information, visit website: http://www.Breakup.Urbantex.com/ Email: postmaster@urbantex.com

Jeanette Castelli is an author, speaker and coach.
Her education includes an MBA and a Master of Psychology. She is an expert in recovery and healing processes, including divorce, past events and wall street losses. Contact her JCastelli@urbantex.com

Message In a Bottle: How to Write a Love Letter

2006-11-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

To most of us ordinary Joes, writing a love letter seems like something from Shakespeare or from another world that we know nothing about. After all, we don’t really write letters at all very much in our modern world. And so you wonder, what is the reason for writing a love letter to your girlfriend or wife? But that is our logical side getting involved again.

Romance is not logical. Rather we should say, it has its own logic system. The love letter, like the romantic date, the romantic anniversary, and so many things we do to make our lover happy are not done because they have practical reasons for existing.

There is one basic reason for thinking of creative and diverse romantic things like love letters to share with your sweetheart. It makes them feel romantic toward you and the outcome is greater affection, more passionate love making, and more fun and exciting dates when you spend time together.

You don’t always draw the connection between a card or letter, or flowers, and that moment of passion later on. That is because men are very immediate in how we think and react. Something that happens in the afternoon will not affect one way or another how affectionate we are that night with our sweetheart. But women are wired differently than men; perhaps you knew that already.

A woman will react to a romantic gesture from you for hours into the future. In fact, one romantic gesture from you like flowers or a love letter can produce continued romantic feelings in her for months and years into the future. That is one great investment. For the little effort you put in to learn what makes her heart warm and glowing with love for you, you get back hours and hours of love, affection, and passion from her, a wellspring of love that never runs dry.

There are actually quite a wide variety of ways you can use love letters to enhance your romance with the lady of your life.

- When apart, either for a few days or for a long time. Spelling out your feelings for her in a letter will become a treasured memory and keepsake for her for the rest of her life.

- For special days like anniversaries and birthdays. If you send her a love letter in the mail to arrive on that day and she isn’t expecting it, that surprise will create a volcano of romance in her. She will be so excited about your letter and your surprise, and it only cost you some paper, a stamp, and maybe a little time writing the letter.

- At unexpected times and places. If she receives a love letter from you at work, she will suddenly go from that efficient worker to your sex kitten in the blink of an eye. Her coworkers will see her blush from all the feelings she has for you but the real expression of her passion will be that night in your arms.

So how to go about using this wonderful romantic tool? Well, you don’t have to be a poet or a great writer to write her a love letter that touches her heart. Follow these simple guidelines:

- Write like you talk. Don’t try to suddenly become “Mr. Poetry”. Just say what is in your heart just like you would if you were together. She will “hear” your voice in the letter and it will be like music to her.

- Be brief. A little goes a long way in a love letter. One way to keep yourself brief is to write your love note in a romantic card and send it that way. The card helps the feeling of the moment and you don’t have that much room to write in there so she won’t expect an essay or magnum opus from you.

- Reference private jokes and shared memories. “That night we first kissed when you were so afraid watching Jaws with me, is one of my favorite moments of our life together.” She will remember that moment and it will bring a smile to her face. Moreover, it will bring back the feeling of romance she had for you that night and it will spring up fresh and new all over again.

- Use images. You can compare her to a flower or describe a romantic scene you can imagine for you and her. Go ahead, make it exotic, your minds are inhabiting the scene so you can afford it.

- Don’t be dirty or graphic. Romance leads to sexuality but you don’t have to push it. Don’t discuss how much you “want” her sexually. Discuss emotions, feelings, romantic thoughts, and places. If you want to talk about intimacies, talk about hugging and kissing and snuggling. Believe it or not, to the woman, those things are as sexual as anything you share in the bedroom.

The important thing about writing a love letter is to give it a try. Don’t just think about it, get out a pen and paper and write one now. Or get a card and work on one. Don’t think too much about it. If you think a lot about what you will say or how to do this, that will make you nervous and you will stop. The best way to create a romantic note that will really touch her is be spontaneous and just charge ahead. Sure, you will make mistakes but the fact that you acted out of passion and spontaneous feelings for her will more than compensate for spelling errors or clumsy prose.

Even if your girl has not spoken of wanting a love note, you can be sure she will welcome yours. If you are scared to do it, say so in your note. Use the love letter to share everything you feel and you will see her open her heart to you either with a surprise of her own or that night as you cuddle and make love and celebrate the love you nurtured with your love letter in each others arms.

DatingShare.com 100% free online dating site and matchmaking service for singles. Plus provides free dating forum with relationship advice and dating tips.

Seduction of Sexy Women: How to Attract the Super Hot Women by Being Direct

2006-11-15T02:39:00.000-08:00

The extremely attractive women in this world are used to male attention. Period.

And should it surprise you?

Of course not. Well in this article, I am going to tell
you the #1 way of attracting one of these
high-calliber women.

First, I want to tell you what it is like to be
one of these women. It's important to be able to
see the world through an attractive woman's eyes.

Imagine just for a second...

You are walking from the subway to the store to
return a pair of shoes you bought last week.

Not one minute off the subway, a man looks at you
and smiles. He holds eye contact past the point
of being comfortable, but says nothing, and keeps
walking.

Now on the street, another guy looks at you and
exclaims "Wow, you're hot." And continues to
watch you as you walk past him.

What was he expecting? Did he thing you would
turn around and chase him down simply because he
expressed his interst? Jeez. This is getting old.
You just want to return your shoes!

Once in the store, you are on your way to the
counter when a very sophisticated older gentleman
approaches you.

He seems very nice and holds up a conversation
pretty well. He tells you your eyes are pretty,
and he was intrigued by your smile.

This is somewhat refreshing, since he seems to
pay attention to you.

But his compliments don't stop there. Now he is
looking at your breasts. And he is telling you
your shirt is also very pretty. Ok Ok... enough
old man, I get it.

And now he is telling you he would like to buy
you a diamond necklace to go with your shirt.

What? What did you do to win this man's
attention? He must be very desperate. Does he do
this to every girl?? Can you see how frustrating
life can be for one of these women?

Every man is either too scared to make a real
approach or so nice that it is sickening.

BE DIFFERENT.

That's right. The way to get the attention and
build attraction with these women isn't through
money, fame or good looks. You must be different
and distinguish yourself from every other guy who
has given her attention in the past 24 hours.

In a nutshell, the two most effective ways to
distinguish yourself from the monotony and
endless barrage of boring men lies in the
following two behaviors.

1. Have the confidence to approach, hold eye
contact and have a normal conversation with her.

Most men are intimidated by beautiful women.
Don't be one of them.

2. Be more impressed by her personality than her
physical beauty.

Take the time to learn what makes her special
from every other woman around you. Learn about
her intersts, passions and dreams. Then use those
as starting points to demonstrate your interest
in her.

Mastering those two things will put you light
years ahead of most men out there, and put you in
a position to find a really beautiful woman who
appreciates being with you as well.

Vincent DiCarlo is a world famous dating coach. His experience comes from years of training pickup artists in underground seduction lairs across the East Coast. He currently runs theApproach: The Science of Social Chemistry for the Modern Gentleman, with his partner Sebastian Drake, and teaches men of all ages and backgrounds to meet, attract and seduce the most beautiful women of the world.

Vincent's full bio is here: Vincent DiCarlo: Master of Social Dynamics

Find out what your skill level is with a free Personal Evaluation by visiting: Attract Women: theApproach Seduction Workshops

Vincent recently reviewed the book 'The Game'. You can read his review at:
Neil Strauss' The Game Review

46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair

2006-11-14T13:08:00.000-08:00

Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Feel free to forward to those who might be interested. But please don't change anything.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

14) He buys himself new underwear.

15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.

30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.

31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.

33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.

35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.

36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.

39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

40) She has a "glow" about her.

41) Atypical erratic behavior.

42) He sneaks out of the house.

43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.

44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.

45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

The Biggest Mistakes Guys Make On Dates With Women

2006-11-14T02:50:00.001-08:00

Whenever a guy has a date with a beautiful woman he tries to impress her. This is so wrong. If you court a woman like we did 50 years ago, try to buy her affection with flowers and gifts or want to impress her so she will like you ... you are on the wrong track!

Look, it's amazing how every man who asked for my advice has the exact same problems with women. No wonder, they ALL make the same goddamn mistakes when it comes to women and dating.

Here's what usually happens.

Boy meets girl.

He somehow manages to get her number and now wants to ask her out on a date. Either she will just make a random excuse right there like "oh I'm sorry, I can't. My cousin is in town and I have to spend time with her" or "I have yoga class today, maybe some other time."

...or she doesn't cancel on you and will actually agree to meet up with you again. But when your date is almost over, she won't kiss you and just tell you that "you are a nice but she just isn't that attracted to you".

Then, when everything has failed and you realize that she doesn't want to be with you ... you start to wonder what went wrong.

I'm here to help.

The thing is, every guy makes the same mistakes when he is on a date with a beautiful woman. So here's my black list:

a) You pay her lots of compliments. You tell her how nice she looks and how beautiful her eyes are ... and she will say thank you but that's as far as it goes. Paying compliments is a nice gesture, but doesn't push a woman's buttons or turns her on. Oops, you're a wimp! Women don't get physical with those type of men. Sorry!

b) You try to be nice...same deal here: Women don' like nicey-nice guys and never go past a first date or further than a kiss on the cheek.

c) You act clingy and needy. The more you act like you want sex, the less you will get it. But there is nothing worse than a guy who acts needy and desperate for sex. It has to be the biggest turn-off in any woman. So relax, play a little hard to get and let her chase YOU...not the other way around.

d) You try to BUY her affection with flowers, chocolates, drinks or even a cuddly toy. It doesn' work because she will NOT get emotionally attracted to you. If you want her to think you are hot and sexy, turn up the heat by being CHEEKY...and not by buying her things.

e) You go on a classic date such as a restaurant or the movies where you even agree to pay for everything. Classic dates are out. Go window shopping or have a coffee where she has to buy the second round. Be a man for god's sake and not a doormat you hear?

So in a nutshell, everything you do that lets a woman know that you WANT her and really TRY to get her will not have a happy ending. You got to behave like you are the catch and not her.

YOU need to be the challenge no matter how beautiful you think your date looks. If you want to be with her, you have to keep her on her toes and let her wonder about you. Keep teasing her by being cheeky and busting her balls and she will get attracted to you in an instant.

But for now make sure you don't make the above mistakes anymore because if you do, you will get what 97% of other guys get after they had a date with a beautiful woman...another female friend.

Nick Shane is a street-smart Dating-Expert and author of the book "Playboyskool" and several other products that help regular guys like YOU become more successful with women and dating. Get his FREE online Dating Tips newsletter at http://www.Playboyskool.com.

11 Hot Tips For Lasting Longer in Bed

2006-11-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

Ever wanted to achieve more sexual pleasure for you and your partner?

Have you ever felt like your sexual patterns are preventing you and your lover from experiencing sex as blissfully as you know it can be?

Does the prospect of having sex sometimes seem too daunting just because of a history of unsatisfying experiences?

Changing your sexual patterns may be a burning issue for you, a passing curiosity or perhaps you know someone that could benefit from this information.

In any case I am sure you will find the following informative and interesting.

1. Slow down.

It may seem obvious, but the number one way to make sex last longer is to do everything slower.

Breathing, feeling, foreplay, kissing and intercourse are all parts of the sex act that do not need to be rushed.

2. Give everything time.

Every moment in sex is worth experiencing fully.

Let things unfold in their own time and you will be rewarded with richer experiences during sex and more learning and satisfaction from sex.

3. Deepen your breathing.

Our breath connects us deeply to our body and its rhythms, as well as the rhythm of other bodies near us.

Focusing on breathing also helps to quiet the mind and sooth any internal dialogue that may be interfering with our natural enjoyment of the sex.

Here's a hint, try synchronising your deep slow breathing with your partner's.

4. Let go of expectations.

Without expectations around sex, we are free to more naturally savour the experience … however it is!

We can be more open to the experience and learn more as a result.

Without expectations we free ourselves from disappointment.

Here's a trick … see if you can implement these techniques to improve your sex, without caring whether they work!

5. Focus on pleasure in sex rather than the sex act or outcome.

Regardless of certain ideas of sex perpetuated in the world, sex is not about the ending, it is about the whole experience.

Getting the girl, having an orgasm, giving an orgasm … these are all important aspects of sex.

But the most important element of sex is pleasure!

When you start enjoying every moment of sex … it will go on as long as you want!

6. Increase knowledge of your body.

Take the time to understand what brings you pleasure and learn how to pleasure yourself better. Don't forget to share your new knowledge with your partner too.

Read up about anatomy. The human body is amazing!

7. Increase knowledge of your partner's body.

Don't be afraid to ask questions and always be open to trying new things in bed. Explore every part of your partner's body like you have never seen or touched it before.

Every time you engage in sex it is a perfect opportunity to expand your sexual knowledge.

You can learn a lot about the human body by asking friends about their experiences too.

8. Reframe sex as a nurturing healing act.

When we attach shame and guilt to sex it is no wonder that it doesn't flow naturally. Adjust your mindset around sex to reflect only positive aspects.

Sex feels so good, how could a gift like this be anything other than healing!

9. Let go of performance anxiety.

Performance anxiety is unnecessary. Be kind to yourself. Learn to forgive yourself if things don't go perfectly, and then learn to stop caring about perfect anyway.

10. Feel your body from within.

Our sensual experience can be deepened dramatically by focusing on our experience from within our body.

Get out of your head and let your consciousness move to the centre of your body.

11. Be present.

Don't let the mind wander or engage in pointless internal chatter. Don't let your fantasies and thoughts take you further from the experience at hand.

Be in the present experience and the present moment.

So there you have it. Any of these tips individually can start to impact on your sexual performance right now. If you learn them all, you will be a master of your body in and out of the bedroom.

Don't be daunted if it takes a little time though … these are life changing techniques and may take a bit of practice.

And most importantly of course, enjoy yourself practising!!

Love, Mukee

Copyright 2005 Mukee Okan

Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. She is based in Phoenix and keeps herself busy running workshops and sessions in Europe, North America, Asia, Australia and New Zealand.
Visit http://www.masterejaculation.com and sign up for Mukee's inspirational free online newsletter, and download free audio files.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mukee_Okan

Kama Sutra Positions - Ancient Sex Techniques

2006-11-13T02:46:00.000-08:00

The ancient Hindus have a well-developed literary tradition that focuses on the art and science of achieving rewarding sex. The most well known sex positions can be found in the Kama Sutra. There are several Kama Sutra positions worth recommending in the quest for sexual pleasure: the traditional woman on her back, man on top position; man on his back, woman on top position; and woman with her back to the man. Here are several uniquely named and loosely translated Kama Sutra positions to unleash your most primal desires.

‘Putting On The Sock.’ Go ahead try saying it without bursting with laughter or better yet let your imagination run wild. ‘Putting on the sock’ does not refer to the man covering his penis with a sock. Actually, it refers to a very erotic technique with the woman on her back the man sits between her legs and puts his penis at the entrance of her vagina. Slowly caressing her vagina he replaces his fingers with his penis. The continued stroking will leave her incredibly wet, wild and on the verge of an orgasm. The man brings the erotic torture to an end by thrusting into the woman giving her what she truly craves.

‘The Blacksmith’s Posture.’ In this Kama Sutra position the woman lies down and drawing her knees to her torso pushing her vagina forward creating a scintillating view. The man then begins the game of teasing her madly by inserting and withdrawing his penis. Obviously, this Kama Sutra position helps the man maintain a longer erection. Supposedly, this movement imitates the blacksmith who ‘draws the hot iron from the fire…’ The best thing is that this Kama Sutra position can lead to scorching sex.

The ‘Ostrich’s Tail.' With the woman on her back, the man kneels at her feet and then raises her legs until only her head and shoulders remain on the bed or floor. After he enters her she can then put her legs around his head. Her raised legs give the impression of being spread out—like an ostrich's tail. This sensual Kama Sutra position benefits both partners by allowing them to slowing build up to an orgasm.

The ‘Yawning Position.’ In this Kama Sutra position the woman on her back, raises and widely spreads her legs as the man eagerly enters her vagina. This position allows the man and woman to share the intimacy of pleasure by gazing into each others eyes. The woman can also caress her breasts adding to the visual stimulation.

Of course, I would love to write that these Kama Sutra positions provide earth-shattering orgasms for everyone. The fact is these positions are truly for athletic and adventurous individuals. That's not to say that a modified version wouldn't benefit everyone, so why not give them a try.

To Learn More About Sexual Positions, Videos, Pictures, Tips and Techniques ~ Visit THE LOVEMAKING ZONE

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=E.J._Davis

Love Advice for Women - Soft Love in the Kitchen

2006-11-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about softness, and how it changes your vibe. We're all very smart, very clever, very defended. We don't want anyone to see how films about animals make us cry, or our scrap booking, or all the mistakes we made and continue to make around everything in life. We don't want anyone to see that we're lonely, or frightened, or exuberant about the simplest things. We don't want anyone to see us being childlike and hopeful. So we cultivate our intellect, our opinions, our thoughts on where we've been and where we're going.

Today I was in the kitchen eating what I'd cooked, when my husband walked in. I have a horrible history of burning food. There was the time several months ago when I retreated to the microwave, defeated, afraid my absent-mindedness would burn the house down (talk about repressed rage). In the last few weeks I've been trying the stove again – scheduling cooking time, staying put in the kitchen, turning on the timer, sharpening my attention, and not burning anything! I'm cured! I'm a cook! I'm not a menace, I can do this! And the ground turkey I cooked in the pan smelled very nice on my plate. And he says, alarm and accusation in his voice, "Did you burn something?"

"No!" I look up at him in shock.

"It smells like you burned something. Something's burned." and he walks into the kitchen.

"No, no!" I defend, going for the pan, picking it up to show him, feeling five years old and incompetent. "It's just nicely brown, see?" I say forcefully, totally righteously. It's his nose that's wrong.

"Well, it smells like something's burned."

All of a sudden I get what I really feel. Yes, I'm five. I screw up my face and do big time mock crying and whining. "But I didn't burn it!" I wail. "I didn't...." and I go all gooey, pan in my hand, miserable. And in that second, my husband does a 180. His eyes go deep and very blue-green, he smiles so fast I'm taken aback, and he comes towards me, arms around me, "Ohhhhhhh," he says. And that's the end of it.

"So, how's your day?" he skips right to his next thought, and he's standing right up against me, and we're connected, and I leap from five-year-old to grownup, from lump to goddess. Long ago, whenever this happened, I used to think it was because he was competitive and didn't want me to be big. I thought he liked me girly and the loser at chess and gin rummy. I thought he was scared of my fortitude. Now I know that's not it at all.

He just likes me better soft. He likes me better where I am than where I wish I was. He likes me better human than mistake-proof. And by liking me better this way, he encourages me to rise to the ultimate test of any relationship: He inspires me to say that I like myself best when I'm with him.

In her packed Los Angeles workshops, relationship coach, author, speaker, and radio and TV show host Rori Gwynne teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own now-glorious eighteen-year marriage around. Visit Rori at http://www.CoachRori.com to get the Free Coach Rori Mantra and Translations for Connecting with Men, to sign up for the free, powerful CoachRori e-zine, and to see how Rori can help you Have the Relationship You Want.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rori_Gwynne

How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You

2006-11-12T14:04:00.001-08:00

Getting a girl of your dreams is much like getting the car of your dream. But unlike a car which you can always bargain for, there is nothing like a 20 percent discount in courting the girl of your dreams, she's so sweet a thing to be discounted, you dearly are in love with her and your feelings for her can only be communicated not by the words of the mouth, but by the words of the heart. Getting the girl actually depends on how big your heart is - faint heart, never won fair lady.

The first step in the heart-winning exercise for any man is to make a good impression. In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.

Let her fall in love gradually. Romance is an important part of falling in love. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me in the romantic manner.

Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies. Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart.

A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character. In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend.

Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could. Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile.

In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her. Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night.

Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round.

You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life. I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper. At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that?

Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it. I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me.
No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night. Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces.

The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you. By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.

Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.

The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers.

I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!

Vlad Karl is a writer who maintains a dating and love relationship column on http://www.meetingland.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vlad_Karl

Do's and Don'ts for Men on Dating Sites

2006-11-12T08:24:00.000-08:00

Men, learn how to behave on dating and personals sites.

Being a man and also being the owner of a dating site myself I have to tell all my fellow men
that you are chasing all the women away. Most of you anyway. Women are keen on how we behave
because most of us all behave the same way on dating sites. Here is a list of DO's and DON'TS to help keep
the women at these sites and to help you get some responses.

1) DON'T copy and paste 25 exactly same emails and send them off. Women see right through this and it get's you no-where.
Ever wonder why you don't get responses? That's the first reason. DO send individual emails and put some thought into contacting
women on these dating sites. REMEMBER: women get 100 emails a day from all sorts of guys. If your email has no heart then you just
go over-looked.

2) DO spell check your email, women are so turned off by a guy that cannot spell it shows you are either stupid or just lazy.
The same thing goes for grammar. Take some time to get it right guys and you will get a response.

3) DON'T choose a nickname that has a sexual innuendo (unless you are on an adult dating site). Remember, women usually
like men with some class and Roger_69sU shows that you just want a one night stand. Try something more clever.

4) DON'T contact single women if you are married. It is a waste of their time and is an insult. DO read their profile and see if
they are interested in married men.

5) DON'T lie. DON'T lie. DON'T lie. Enough said.

6) DO not send women pictures of your "privates". They will ask if they want to see that. DO send them a nice picture that
shows your sense of humor or style.

7) DON'T just send an email after you see their picture. DO read their profile first.

8) DON'T harass women that are not interested. This ruins the site for everyone and could very well get you banned from the dating
site forever. Many sites now have reporting features for this very reason. DO treat all others on the site as though you were talking
in person to them. You would harass them to their face would you?

This is just a small list of some of the incredibly stupid things guys are doing on Internet dating and singles sites. Now of course there
are some great guys out there that are honestly looking for a nice date or relationship so any women reading this, just bear with us,
we men are slowing catching up and figuring it out.

Hope this article helps.

Leif Croonquist is 34 years old and lives in Portland, Oregon. He is the owner and creator of http://www.personals4dating.com. He invites you to join if you behave ;)

Signs of a Cheating Girlfriend

2006-11-11T20:39:00.000-08:00

Cheating has plagued love lives for generations. Sometimes, one never finds out about an affair a girlfriend has had. However, there are certain signs which might give one a clue as to whether (and exactly to what limit) the girlfriend is cheating.

The first sign of infidelity by a girlfriend in a relationship is her general disinterest in anything that the two enjoyed doing together previously. Sometimes this disinterest is blatant. For example, if a couple watches a movie together, and afterwards she can’t remember anything about the movie, then she might be deeply distracted by something. This disinterest then might graduate into a series of unexplained cancellations of plans.

Another sign of infidelity is an inexplicable display of guilt. One way in which guilt manifests itself is avoidance of the person who the guilty party feels is being hurt by her actions. The cheating girlfriend is therefore prone to generally avoiding the injured party – either by not taking calls or by not meeting for that ride or walk the couple used to like so much. Guilt can also cause pre-existing levels of intimacy to plummet.

Of course, there are countless other signs of a new lover: a sudden increase in her monthly expenses and car mileage; a splurge on cosmetics and clothes; a chronically non-reachable cell phone; an increase in overtime at her job without the accompanying increase in her paycheck, and so on. Also, if you notice a sudden increase in the number of her distant cousins, friends, ex-classmates, college friends, and so on, beware: she might be cheating.

Girlfriends having an affair have to be extremely well organized; their schedules are therefore punctiliously maintained. An affair is just an extension of a girl’s daily life: she has to find time for the accomplice between family, work, social life, and the injured party. Keeping a big secret is a very tiresome job, and only the coolest, most calculating people can actually keep such a secret. If your girlfriend is not very resourceful and she is keeping a secret, she will probably falter somewhere and maybe blurt it out to you herself.

Girlfriends provides detailed information about girlfriends, finding girlfriends, gifts for girlfriends, and more. Girlfriends is affiliated with Relationships.

The Best Sexual Positions: The Top 5 Mistakes Most Guys Make

2006-11-11T07:13:00.001-08:00

One of the many challenges men have is to decide on what positions to use when getting booty. The biggest fears are that the woman will get bored with the "same old, same old" and as a result lose interest in sex. So the question becomes, what are the best sexual positions?

The best way to explain this is to talk about what NOT to do. With that in mind, I'll now talk about the top five mistakes guys make when it comes to sexual positions, so that way you won't continue making them.

Position Mistake 1: Imitating anything seen in a porn movie. This is probably the biggest reason that guys fail with sexual positions. Inexperienced guys think porn is a good model because they see studs banging beautiful broads, and… well, they just don't know any better. The problem is that sexual positions in those sorts of movies are meant to display a good scene for viewers, not to maximize pleasure for the actors.

And in fact, one of the WORST positions for clitoral and vaginal stimulation is when the woman puts her ankles on your shoulders. With her pelvis bent back that far, she can feel pain in her cervix if you push in too far. Plus it's a position that puts pressure. (If you ever have a chance to go behind the scenes and watch the making of an adult movie, you'll see how quickly the mood gets killed when the actress keeps having to stop the scene to go to the bathroom!)

Position Mistake 2: Trying too hard to keep your weight off the woman, in any position. To a woman, sex is a way to get closer to her man. She loves it when he leans on the underside of her thighs. So here's a tip for you to try... Next time you're having sex with your woman (while you're engaged in actual intercourse, that is), get more of your weight on her. You see, during sex, almost every woman enjoys feeling her man's body pressed hard against her.

So how much weight should you put on her? Make it enough so that after you come, and the sexual frenzy dissipates, your woman will tell you that she feels like she's being smooshed. Of course, do this within limits! If you're on top off her grinding her pubic bone for too long, it can feel painful for her.

But the bottom line is that many, many women like to be pressured by at least some of the man's weight. So save the gentlemanly sex for the royal family's women!

Position Mistake 3: Letting the woman do all the work when she's on top. For virtually every woman, sex is mostly a passive activity. So by being the motionless beta male, you destroy the whole purpose of sex for her, which is to open herself up to you penetrating into her body.

Position Mistake 4: Being a wimp. A lot of guys have read too many "Men are From Mars"-type books and think women like it if you ask permission for everything and let them take the lead. Be the alpha male instead and just "do it." Flip her over, move her here and there. Be aggressive and even toss her about like a rag doll when you want to change positions, and... she'll LOVE it! And don't worry about it. If something is going on that the woman doesn't like, she'll let you know.

Position Mistake 5: Thinking the trickier positions are better. You don't need to be upside down, hanging from a lamp, and doing something crazy. Just be normal. An old standby like the missionary (man on top, woman lying on her back) can be the best sexual position.

Tricky positions are just frustrating for everybody and often kill the mood because there's too much "where should I put my arm?"... and not enough "let's just have fun exploring."

John Alexander is author of How to Be Her Best Lover Ever, a groundbreaking sex guide for men that will make you so good in bed that your woman will beg you for more. Find out more about the best sexual positions by visiting http://www.HerBestLover.com

G Spot Positions: Three Sex Positions to Hit the G Spot During Sex

2006-11-10T20:21:00.001-08:00

I read the other day that the majority of American’s regularly have sex in just a few positions. Well, if that’s true, its time to shake things up! This article is on g spot positions. These are our favorite ways of hitting the g-spot during sex.

If you like boring, normal sex, that lasts just 5 – 10 minutes, don’t read this
page. If you’re feeling more adventurous, and are ready to blow your mind
then please, proceed!

So, the first step in hitting your g spot during sex is to know where it is! For the
purposes of this article, we're going to assume you know what the g spot is, how to
regularly find it, and how your partner likes it stimulated.

Now that that’s all taken care of – lets focus on g spot positions. The first step is to
recognize that the g spot, or g spot area, is small and not always in the same
place. So, throughout your sex you’ll both need to be communicating. What
works, what feels good, what doesn’t, a little to the right, a little to the left, etc.

In the beginning, as you explore different g spot positions, its likely best if you
agree not to have orgasms. We’ve found this makes it easy to have a
sense of exploration and play.

And, without further delay, here are our three favorite g spot positions. Enjoy!

Ride ‘Em Cowboy (Woman on Top)

I have to say there’s something so sexy about a woman being on top, in charge
of finding what feels the best. Really, this position is ideal because it allows
the woman to control the depth, intensity, and speed. It gives you the ability to
play, and explore, and notice how much more pleasure comes from subtle
differences.

As you are on top, experiment with what feel’s best to you. Move, shift, tell your
partner what feel’s good, rock back and forth, take it deep, keep it shallow, etc. This
will likely work best if you are already aroused and hot. (This is true with all these g
spot positions)

Now, as the guy in this position, you’re not just laying back passively (thought that
is fine to do – just not now!). What will help your partner most is if you tilt your
pelvis as much as possible. The more you can do this, the better.

You’ll also get a great workout! : )

Unfortunately, if you are anything like me, you’ll get super tired super quick. In the
beginning we used to use alot of pillows to try to angle my hips. Lately, we’ve really
been enjoying something called the wedge, its a liberator shape. This small shape
puts your pelvis in the perfect tilted position without you having to do any work.

I know it sounds crazy, but the small, subtle positioning this enables, makes all the
difference. If you want to find out more about liberator shapes, their website is target="_new" href="http://www.liberatorshapes.com">www.liberatorshapes.com.

Doggy Style (Crouching, Man Coming from Behind)

This is one of our favorite g spot positions. Not only do you have great g-spot
access, but there’s just something so primal andsexy about *&#*! from
behind.

Now, guys, in this position you can take it easy and let her do all the work. In this
case, ladies, use your thighs to press back and find the depth, thrust style, and
position that works best for you.

However, guys, if you want to be more active, you can easily adapt this position.
Push your woman down, and lay more on top of her (still coming in from
behind)

Now, for the best g spot stimulation, position your legs outside of hers and put
more of your weight forward, so you are riding her from up higher.

This puts your penis on more of a downward angle, and helps you hit her g-spot
more directly. You can also experiment with having her legs more open, or more
closed to see what feels best.

We've also been using the liberator shape - the wedge - in this position too. We
found if we put that underneath my girlfriend, it gives her hips a particular tilt that
totally amp things up.

Your Highness (Man Kneeling or Standing, Woman's Legs on His
Shoulders)

We love this sex position. With many g spot positions you can’t look each other in
the eyes. With this one, we recommend it. Also, when you want to hit the g spot,
having your legs high and wide is the secret ingredient. Sometimes
putting your feet on your partner’s shoulders can be the most comfortable (its also
just super sexy!)

Now, you can do this position in lots of ways. You can do it off your sofa, a chair, or
your coffee table (we won’t tell!). Or, you can modify it to work off your bed by
kneeling vs standing. The only real key to this position is that your partner is
angled upward, with her legs spread wide or on your shoulders. You can
achieve this combination in lots of different ways (be creative!)

Well, these are our three favorite g spot positions, and I hope you try them out and
enjoy!

Visit our pages on g spot positions for more
information.

Or check out our website and learn to explore your g spot, and enjoy amazing
orgasms, and female ejaculation. Authored by a real couple, with practical tips,
techniques, and exercises.

http://www.master-your-g-spot.com

A Nice Guy's Guide to Dating Success

2006-11-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn’t treat her right, or doesn’t seem to care about her much at all? These kinds of men have been called "bad boys," "charm boys," or "players." When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or "brother" rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you you’re "too nice"? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values.

Let’s brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act as if they don't care what others think of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own rules and don’t let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.

So what can you do? You don’t have to engage in risk-taking behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some "safe" ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, "Let's go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita," or, "Let's go for a drive and see where we end up." If this is not the usual "you," you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don't call her the day after getting her phone number or the day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you'll call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn't easy to get, and women like a little challenge.

You’re the man. Many women are looking for men who are confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things done. On a date, take command but don't be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don’t miss the concert just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there’s a 1-1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to "spoil" her or "buy" her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won’t mind a "cheap" date; she just wants to be with you.

Keep it light and upbeat. Don't be needy or act nervous. You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn't need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you’re already good at this). For example, always offer to pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for her, etc. But don't overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.

Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don't just let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, such as her pet's name or her favorite book. If you met her online, review her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.

Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys. You don’t have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend--possibly a female friend--for honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.

Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a woman doesn't mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at her beck and call. When you really don’t want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it’s okay to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but if she’s worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her an alternative get-together. For example, "Sorry I can’t make it on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you’ve been wanting to see on Sunday instead?"

How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that's what you're looking for)? Just because she's attractive/smart/classy doesn't necessarily mean she's right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?

The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!

For more information, visit the author's website http://www.therapy-conscious.com

Copyright 2004, Ann L. Palik

Ann L. Palik is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California, specializing in helping single people create healthy relationships.

How Do You Know when Someone is in Love with You?

2006-11-10T02:25:00.000-08:00

When

Often we have to ask ourselves, does he/she really love me? Is he/she really in love with me? Am I in love with him/her? Do I really love him/her? These are questions of the heart and only you know the answer. However, there are indicators to help us understand the answer to our question of being in love and knowing when someone is in love with us.

When there is a question, there is undoubtedly an answer. It may not be the answer we are looking for, but there is an answer. The key to receiving the answer is being able to accept the truth. Sometimes we don’t want to know the truth because it hurts. It hurts because we want things our way, just like we dreamed it up. Unfortunately, life cannot always be the dream that we want it to be. Sometimes, maybe most of the time for most of us, life is not the dream we want at all, not anything close to it. It’s important to understand that love does not love anyone, it just loves love. This is why it is so easy to fall in love and so difficult to stay in love. Love is! And that is it. The Bible says that there is no greater love than this, than a man lay down his life for his friend (John chapter 15 verse 13). If this is an indicator of someone being in love then we must be able to answer the question: “Would I die for him/her?” and “would he/she die for me?”

Often in relationships people neglect to embrace the truth of who they are and therefore cannot understand themselves enough to answer questions of love. For example, I have often asked this question of someone whom I was very interested in, “What did you not know about the person you just broke up with that you learned later in the relationship?” If a person is really truthful about this, they would say exactly what they learned down the road that they did not know in the beginning of the relationship. Often it is these things we find out later about a person that makes us change our mind about being with them. The response I typically get is, “I cannot answer that question.” Or “I have to think about that?” This indicates that there is nothing that they did not know from the beginning. The next question I typically ask is even more provocative and to the point, “Did you pay attention to what you knew about the person or did you think you could change them or they would change later on in the relationship?” The answer for this one is always, “I just thought things would change.” The point here is if you are honest with yourself and the person you are interested in, and truly pay attention to who you are and what you are about, you would not allow yourself to get into relationships where you had to change something about someone or wait for them to change something about themselves. This goes to that old cliché “Be true to yourself.” This is not to say that people don’t change, rather the change should be for the better, not the worse.

You see, answering the above questions honestly will give you power to embrace the truth about you. When you know the truth about you, it will allow you to deal with others with more honesty and truth as well. Now here is the touchy part, can you ask this question of someone you are in love with and accept their answer? When you make up your mind that you are in love with someone, does that mean that they must be in love with you? If so, then you are not really in love, you are in need of a hug. You cannot force anyone to be in love with you. This is what makes many marriages fail, people try to force each other to be in love and it ends up destroying the relationship. Being in love is something that must be voluntary. Some of the books on the subject of relationships and finding someone to fall in love with and have them fall in love with you are nothing more than a cookbook for a bad relationship. The famed game of love is just that, a game. You should take note, that as in all games, there are winners and losers. However, you should also know that “Love” is not a game, it is a life style and you need to be able to commit to that life style like a religion, with your mate, and like wise your mate must be able to commit to you in the same way.

How

There is nothing more to knowing if that man or that woman is in love with you or if you are in love with them. There is no secret, there is no game, there is only the truth. The truth is being willing to die for that person and that person being willing to die for you. In a since that is what marriage is all about: “Two people dying as individuals and becoming a new person together. Working together, pulling together, pushing together and being in love together for ever.”

Now the term “die” does not mean that you will actually go through with it at some point and end your life. God willing both of you will live a long time and be happy together. However, it does mean that when it comes to satisfying each other and making each other happy that you would put your inhibitions aside (kill your fears and worries) and do what is necessary to make your mate happy and like wise your mate must be able to do the same for you. If there is no reciprocity, then there is no love. Reciprocity does not mean a quid pro quo. In other words, never get into a situation where you only will do what your mate will do for you. This is not love. Sometimes you will give more then your mate and other times your mate will give more than you. This is how it will always be. There is no such thing as 50/50 love. Forget that Teddy Pendergrass song from back in the day, it only sounds good. When you find yourself giving more than your mate, just remember, this is the person you are in love with and this person is in love with you. The Bible says that “charity covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter Chapter 4 Verse 8 KJV). The definition of “charity” is: lenient judgment of others. You must be willing and able to have lenient judgment of the person you are in love with. Be willing to grow with your mate through communication when mistakes are made. This is an on going thing, it never ends as long as you both live.

Why

The Bible explains the greatest thing is charity: “And now abide faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 13 KJV).” It also says “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 2 KJV)” When you consider what charity brings to a relationship, if you cannot show charity between each other, but everything else is simply wonderful, your relationship really is nothing.

Last, but not least, a clear indicator of someone being in love with you is when they can keep other people out of your personal relationship with them. Your friends and family may mean well, but you are not in love with them and they apparently cannot be in love with you like your mate. Otherwise, why do you even need to be with your mate? Keep your friends and family, but keep them out of your relationship when it comes to making yourself and your mate happy. A good Bible scripture for this is Mathew Chapter 6 verses 3 and 4: “But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.”

Everyone does not need to be a mentor or counselor in your relationship with your mate. Learn how to keep most intimate things between you and your mate to yourself. I am not talking about abusive things, just personal things that should only be between you two.

You can tell when someone is in love with you when they are willing to consistently show charity and demonstrate unselfishness toward you and your needs. This does not mean that you should take kindness for weakness. This would be a big mistake. Often people show charity and love for their mate, but the mate takes it for granted and begins simply ignoring the truth of true love. Love just loves love and if love does not receive love back, then it will soon find another love. This again is a form of being able to die for them and they should reciprocate willing to die for you (die in the sense of putting there own selfishness aside to make you happy and you being able to do the same for them) with cheerfulness.

“Pastor Ethan” is a character based on Author, Nevada York from her novel, Mahogany’s Revelation. “Pastor Ethan” resides in the Bay Area of California.
http://nevadayork.com

10 Tips On How To Get That Girl Now

2006-11-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

1. RECOGNIZE AND UTILIZE YOUR STRENGTHS

Everyone has a special skill, whether it is humor, conversational ability, or athletic prowess. Think about your number one strength and incorporate it into your dating regime. What you look like is not of supreme importance.

2. GET HELP

If you are not confidant, and need to get help, then utilize your friends. Choose one that you think is successful, and ask for some tips. Some people find the socialising scene easier than others'. If you are having real trouble try asking a girl who is a friend to go out on a practise date.
Then ask her what went wrong.?

3. REMEMBER THAT SOCIAL AND DATING SKILLS ARE NOT LEARNT IN A CLASSROOM

Practise your skills regarding interaction with other people. Try not to brag all the time and listen to others. Try and bring out the best in others and make them warm to your personality.

4. BEING RESPONSIVE TO THE NEEDS OF OTHERS IS NOT WEAKNESS

You are not a wimp if you are aware of the times when other people need your support. We have come a long way since Men dragged women off by their hair to a cave. In a complex world girls need more than physical protection, and the provision, of the odd beast to eat, they do have
emotional needs as well.

5. LEARN THE ART OF ASKING MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS

Many men mix up the difference between a statement and a qquestion, yet the difference is very basic and grasping the options that you can give the girls is a way to improving your relationships. Some men understand the difference for instance "whew it sure is hot, is a statement you are stating a fact and gives someone else little to reply to. How hot is this, aren't you hot? is a question asking for a response.

I have often listened to young men and wonder how they can get it wrong? They fire a series of questions off so fast, it is like being interrogated.

Ask a question, and then give a short answer, that's interesting, and then maybe follow it up with "Why do you feel like that?" Learn to incorporate the questions into smooth conversation.

6. UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MUST TAKE RISKS

Find the little things that you think are romantic, and act on them. This is fairly hard for some men, they are taught that real men don't express their feelings, you
will appear weak if you do so. To be self-expressive you must be able to express your feelings. It may all go horribly wrong and you may hurt someone but the more you practise the easier it becomes.

7 BE UNPREDICTABLE

Don't always do what you think women expect. A bunch of flowers is nice but too often is 'old hat' these days. Think of something different to do that will be fun for both of you. This does not need to be expensive, a candle lit dinner is wonderful, but there are other ways of doing something different. Women love dancing, and if you can't
afford to go out dancing play some romantic music at home, and relax.

8. COOK HER A MEAL

How special does a woman feel when her guy has gone to the trouble to shop, and prepare food for her. It does not have to be a five course gourmet dinner. Start with something simple like a salad, and even if you can't cook, practise one main course. Women think this is very romantic, and are quite likely to be bowled over by the gesture. Even if it does not taste that great, she will appreciate the thought.

9 BE AWARE OF THE GIRL'S BODY LANGUAGE

Body language is quite complex, but some things are easy. Practise on your friends. You should be able to recognize what sort of a general mood someone is in by the way that they hold themselves. Look at how relaxed people are looking when they laugh, they look as though they have not a care in the world. In contrast when people are holding themselves together, they look tense, and strung up. How many times have you seen a girl out and she is yawning, which is a sure sign she is bored, but on top of that she is giving men the brush off. Learn to read body language, and give yourself a
fighting chance of success.

10. NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF A SENSE OF HUMOR

Women are real suckers for men that make them laugh. Laughter reduces tension and makes them feel more relaxed. It takes some of the stress out of getting to know someone. Even if it means telling little stories against yourself. By this I do not mean put yourself down, but tell a story when something you did backfired on you in a funny way.

Author & Publisher Billy Baker - You can gain a vast array of more relevant detail from these sites along with other helpful tips and special surprises at http://www.datingxlence.com or http://www.datingxlence-resources.com

French Kissing – How To Be The Perfect Kisser!

2006-11-09T02:34:00.000-08:00

French Kissing – How To Be The Perfect Kisser!
By Sacha Tarkovsky

In a poll 90% of women said that they wish their partners kissed them more, but what makes a great kiss and you the perfect kisser?

Here are some basics on french kissing, the history of kissing, why we do it, why we enjoy it and how to give a kiss to remember.

Kissing can express friendship, emotional attachment or can be extremely arousing, depending on the ways it’s done.

Why do we kiss?

Kissing probably derived from ancient times, with food being transferred from the mother's to her baby's mouths.

This lip contact developed into a way for mothers to show love to their children. This then developed and became a way to show both love and desire.

What's the difference between a kiss that falls flat and one that makes you feel weak at the knees? Well a kiss wont but a french kiss will!

Before we look at what goes into a great French kiss, let’s review some basics:

What is a French kiss?

It is simply a kiss where the tongue is put inside your partner’s mouth and vice versa.

French kiss basics

1. When you French kiss, be careful to tilt your head to one side and your partner does the same, so now we have no clash of noses!

2. Make sure you have good oral hygiene and your teeth are well kept. If there not, your partner will not enjoy kissing you so much or worse may not want to kiss you at all.

3. The mouth and teeth create a smile and that is extremely attractive and makes people want to kiss even more, so make sure yours is in good shape.

Here are some great tips to help you enjoy French kissing.

1. Emotional & Physical connection.

If you kiss someone you really like you will add emotion to passion and the kiss will be extremely dynamic.
When the physical pleasure of a kiss combines with the emotions it’s a dynamite combination.

2. Relax Relax Relax!

If you are nervous, you are tense and become stiff and this will ruin a kiss.

When you're worried about how your partner will feel about you kissing them you won't be able to enjoy the kiss as you should.

Your apprehension will be felt by your partner.

If you relax you can go with the flow and respond naturally to your partner, which makes a natural connection.

3. Go with the flow

As stated above adapt to your partner and try different kinds of kisses.

Vary the speed and pressure of your kisses.

Move from the mouth and kiss the eyelids, neck, the latter is an extremely erotic area and a kiss on the neck after kissing on the lips, is guaranteed to drive your partner wild.

4. Kiss - respond - flow

The best kisses have a natural flow to them.

They vary from gentleness, to more aggressive mouth and tongue contact, with pauses for breath in between.

Note: Nothing is worse than someone who is kissing you and they don't allow you time to catch your breath.

Let your kiss find a natural rhythm flowing between gentleness and raw passion.

5. Very Important – Don’t be stiff!

If your body is stiff and you simply kiss with your mouth you are making a big mistake!

Let your body loosen and move gently, use your hands and legs to brush against your partner and let your body flow and move, just like your kissing.

So How do you become a perfect kisser?

Well the key points to keep in mind are:

You should be relaxed and simply communicate with your partner and a natural flow or rhythm will develop.

Kissing is natural and anyone can give or receive a mind blowing kiss.

Relax, let thinks come naturally and let your passion, your body and lips and lips communicate and you will enjoy an amazing French kiss and so will your partner.

MORE FREE INFO

On all aspects of how to get more from sex and relationships and everything to do with sexuality visit our website for a huge resource of articles, features and downloads and at http://www.net-planet.org/index.html

Natural Sex – Increasing Libido without Viagra

2006-11-08T12:43:00.001-08:00

While Viagra has its place for men to treat sexual dysfunction most men want to enjoy natural sex without the aid of drugs.

While Viagra has revolutionized the treatment of erectile dysfunction, it doesn't help raise libido or desire.

If you want to enjoy natural sex then you can with a few natural foods that are proven to increase libido and make you feel better.

Here are some of the best herbs and foods to help you enjoy natural sex.

Ginkgo Biloba

Used for thousands of years in China as a way to increase sex drive and now more popular than ever.

Studies have shown that just like Viagra, ginkgo enhances the effects of nitric oxide, which helps relax artery walls, allowing more blood flow into the penis and therby creating an erection.

Ginseng

Just like ginkgo, bilboa ginseng also increases nitric oxide levels. In addition it is thoughtt to have an effect on the dopamine system that sends triggers from the brain to create an erection.

L argentine

This is known as natures Viagra.

In fact it is probably the most effective natural supplement for increasing male libido.

The production of L-Arginine decreases with age and many experts believe this is responsible for many degenerative processes that are related to aging.

L-arginine stimulates the release of nitric oxide from the walls of blood vessels, helping them expand promoting healthy circulation and this includes to the sexual organs.

There are many other natural sex aids such as Macca horny goat weed and many others but so far tests on the majority of them have shown no signs that they help increase libido or natural sex drive.

The above three supplements combined will help you enjoy natural sex as they will help with the production of nitric oxide which is critical in keeping blood flowing to the penis.

You can also eat foods that will also help in this area give you plenty of energy and all the vitamins and minerals you need and they include:

1. Green Foods

Nitrogen-rich vegetables aid blood vessels in the production of nitric oxide.

2. Stamina Foods

Meats, fish and nuts contain L-arginine which we have seen above is critical in helping the erection process.

3. Bright Foods

Bright colored foods such as peppers and many fruits contain plenty of antioxidants that will help combat the free radicals that can damage and clog arteries thus restricting blood flow.

The above foods help keep your arteries clear and flowing, give you all the vitamins and minerals you
need and help in the nitric oxide production process.

Note:

The above will all help keep blood circulating through the arteries but keep in mind if you smoke give up as smoking has the opposite affect and clogs your arteries.

Limitations and expectations

The above if taken will keep your energy levels up and make sure you have sufficient nitric oxide flowing through your arteries.

You can’t cure erectile dysfunction caused by illness you will need medical help, however if you simply lack energy or are stressed, then the above supplements and foods will certainly make a difference.
They will increase your sex drive and help you enjoy natural sex without Viagra.

MORE FREE INFO

On all aspects of how to get more from sex and relationships and everything to do with sexuality visit our website for a huge resource of articles, features and downloads and at http://www.net-planet.org/index.html.

Safety in Numbers: 10 Dating Safety Tips

2006-11-07T17:15:00.001-08:00

As the owner of a dating directory I feel compelled to share with my readers 10 safety tips that I have created to make your online dating experience joyful, exciting and safe from harm:

1. Look for a reputable dating site. Just because you are paying a hefty monthly fee doesn't mean that a site is reputable. Speak to your friends and others and ask if their experiences have been successful. Past success is usually a good predictor for the future.

2. Once you have found the dating site that you want to work with decide how much you want to share in your profile. There is a reason why they are called "personals". People share their personal business with others, but be careful not to expose too much too soon.

3. Always be discreet the first time around. There will be plenty of opportunity for you to open up your heart and life story. Remember you can always edit your profile.

4. Remember you have a right to privacy. Respond in a responsible way to inquiries. Everyone tries to make themselves look good in an email. It's real life that really matters. Maintain your privacy until you are ready to share.

5. Use caution. I will say it again, use caution when you share your information. Pay close attention to how much the other person is open to revealing who they are. Someone who is unable to or unwilling to offer up answers to simple facts about themselves may not be the one for you. Move on!

6. When you finally decide to meet, meet in a public place. Take your own transportation or travel with a friend. Even though it may be more convenient for you to be picked up, don't accept the offer. This isn't about being independent, it is about staying safe.

7. Let a friend know where you are and who you will be with. Arrange a check-in time during the date. A phone call or text message will be an alert or an all- clear.

8. If the chemistry is right and you feel like you are falling in love on the first date, think again! Never go home with your date and don't agree to let him follow you home.

9. Watch the booze. Drinking too much will make you vulnerable physically and emotionally. Keep your wits about you at all times. With little or no inhibition you are putting yourself in a compromising and potentially dangerous position. And that goes for party drugs too!

10. Remember safety 1st. Although statistically online dating is safe, there are are still danger signs to pay attention to. Be suspicious, if you must. Be inquisitive. Know when to trust your instincts and call an end to a date. Never act desperate. It may be wiser to go home alone than to stick around with a stranger who doesn't interest you.

Finding love can be an exciting beginning to a special relationship. Feeling love is even more special.
Be careful and play it smart.

Janet Reiss, LCSW is a Certified Social Worker in New York State. When not working as a Clinical Manager at a community hospital or in her private practice in Long Island, Janet is an entrepeneur. Her website http://www.lookingforlove.com attracts many singles looking for the link to love.

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