Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Don't Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.

He heard what you said. He’s just not interested in hearing it at the moment. Don’t try to give your man instructions or talk about your feelings when he’s watching TV (especially sports), eating, reading, or has just come home from work. He will only be half listening. His mind is on other things like: will his team win, his day at work, how hungry he is, etc. He can only pay attention to one thing at a time. If he lets you think that he is giving you his full attention, and then you will want to talk to him at these inappropriate moments all the time. If he gives you a detailed response, you’ll just continue to talk. If he completely ignores you, you’ll get mad. If he pretends that he is listening, you will be content and walk away.

2. He Does Look at Other Women.

Not because he wants to cheat, but because men are visually stimulated. Getting mad at him for looking is just going to make him sneak a peek. Hey, it’s just a passing glance. It’s not like we don’t check guys out too!

3. He Needs Time Away From You.

Men need time to reflect, socialize and just get away from it all. Men like the time to regroup. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with us, it is just an escape to appreciate what they have at home. So lighten up, while he’s out of the house, take the kids out or get a babysitter and go something you enjoy.

4. He Doesn’t Feel Like Being Bothered Sometimes

You’ve probably asked him to do something several times, but yet he still doesn’t do it in a timely manner. In frustration, you do it yourself. What is he thinking, “Thank Goodness!” Men do things at their own pace. You can ask your man to take out the trash and 3 hours later, it’s still there. Technically, he still has time to take out the trash. In his mind, the trash isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and if you do it yourself, that just makes it better for him.

5. He Really Enjoys Gossip

If your man overhears you gossiping on the phone, he’ll probably shake his head in disapproval. However, if he talks about Joe and Margaret, his co workers who are having an affair, it’s not gossip. Actually men enjoy to gossip. They just have a different name for it “Commenting.”

6. Yes, He Was Thinking About Sex

Your man has a far away look in his eyes. He seems distant. He was thinking about sex. He can’t help it, he thinks about it several times a day. Wouldn’t you prefer that he thinks about it several times a day rather than having sex several times a day?

7. When His Voice Goes High, or He Answers a Question With the Same Question, He’s Thinking of a Lie.

If you ask your man, “What You’d Do Today?’ and he replies “What I’d Do Today?” he’s probably thinking of lie. It doesn’t mean that he did something inappropriate, just something you wouldn’t approve of. Maybe, he left work early to hang out with the guys. If he told you this, you’d be upset because you had a long day at work or at home with the kids. The problem is he was having too much fun to think about if you would ask him that question, so he didn’t plan a lie beforehand.

8. Nothing is Wrong, So Stop Asking Him

Admit it, you see your man sitting quietly and you naturally assume something is wrong or has happened. So you ask, “What’s wrong?” and he replies, “Nothing, I’m just thinking.” Well, this answer doesn’t satisfy you, so you ask again throughout the day, which leads to his frustration. Men reflect too! He was probably thinking about how he wants to change careers, if you are satisfied and happy with him, how he can make more money, how he doesn’t want to grow old and fat, or how he would really like to buy that sports car. Ask him once, and then leave it alone. If you really sense something is wrong, give him some time and talk to him when you both feel like talking.

9. Most Men are Conquerors and Most Women are Venters

You just told him about your horrible experience at work. You want him to comfort and console you; instead he gives you logical facts about how to solve the problem. You feel cheated. You wanted to share your feelings about the day and all he wanted to do was fix the problem. Men like to offer solutions. Most men are not concerned about being in touch with their feelings when there’s a conflict. You want to feel understood; he wants to make the problem go away. He can’t relate to how you are feeling, so he does what he knows best, helps you to plan a solution.

10. He Wants to Feel Successful.

A man needs to feel he has accomplished something in life, and often times that accomplishment is found in their jobs or careers. Men don’t like to feel conflicted between work and quality time with their families. To men, if they are working hard to earn money, this will improve the quality of their family’s life.


Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach an Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. Her Successful Thinking™ program is an affordable coaching resource that offers support and encouragement when there are roadblocks to success. You can find out more about the program at http://www.thinkandbesuccessful.com or sign up for her free Be Inspired newsletter at http://www.smartbeecoaching.com

Love Advice for Women - Soft Love in the Kitchen

I was thinking about softness, and how it changes your vibe. We're all very smart, very clever, very defended. We don't want anyone to see how films about animals make us cry, or our scrap booking, or all the mistakes we made and continue to make around everything in life. We don't want anyone to see that we're lonely, or frightened, or exuberant about the simplest things. We don't want anyone to see us being childlike and hopeful. So we cultivate our intellect, our opinions, our thoughts on where we've been and where we're going.

Today I was in the kitchen eating what I'd cooked, when my husband walked in. I have a horrible history of burning food. There was the time several months ago when I retreated to the microwave, defeated, afraid my absent-mindedness would burn the house down (talk about repressed rage). In the last few weeks I've been trying the stove again – scheduling cooking time, staying put in the kitchen, turning on the timer, sharpening my attention, and not burning anything! I'm cured! I'm a cook! I'm not a menace, I can do this! And the ground turkey I cooked in the pan smelled very nice on my plate. And he says, alarm and accusation in his voice, "Did you burn something?"

"No!" I look up at him in shock.

"It smells like you burned something. Something's burned." and he walks into the kitchen.

"No, no!" I defend, going for the pan, picking it up to show him, feeling five years old and incompetent. "It's just nicely brown, see?" I say forcefully, totally righteously. It's his nose that's wrong.

"Well, it smells like something's burned."

All of a sudden I get what I really feel. Yes, I'm five. I screw up my face and do big time mock crying and whining. "But I didn't burn it!" I wail. "I didn't...." and I go all gooey, pan in my hand, miserable. And in that second, my husband does a 180. His eyes go deep and very blue-green, he smiles so fast I'm taken aback, and he comes towards me, arms around me, "Ohhhhhhh," he says. And that's the end of it.

"So, how's your day?" he skips right to his next thought, and he's standing right up against me, and we're connected, and I leap from five-year-old to grownup, from lump to goddess. Long ago, whenever this happened, I used to think it was because he was competitive and didn't want me to be big. I thought he liked me girly and the loser at chess and gin rummy. I thought he was scared of my fortitude. Now I know that's not it at all.

He just likes me better soft. He likes me better where I am than where I wish I was. He likes me better human than mistake-proof. And by liking me better this way, he encourages me to rise to the ultimate test of any relationship: He inspires me to say that I like myself best when I'm with him.


In her packed Los Angeles workshops, relationship coach, author, speaker, and radio and TV show host Rori Gwynne teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own now-glorious eighteen-year marriage around. Visit Rori at http://www.CoachRori.com to get the Free Coach Rori Mantra and Translations for Connecting with Men, to sign up for the free, powerful CoachRori e-zine, and to see how Rori can help you Have the Relationship You Want.

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