In relationships you both need to feel special and sexy and appreciated as much as one another, but when you have been in a relationship for a while it’s easy to take one another for granted. The more your partner feels loved, the more loving they will be in return. Here’s five ways to make your partner feel like they are the most important thing in your life – they are, aren’t they?
Pay meaningful compliments
You know how good it feels when your partner notices that you dressed up specially, just for them? They like to feel that good, too. Pay enough attention to what your partner does and says so that when you pay them a compliment, it really means something. Tell him the lawn looks great after he’s spent two hours giving it a trim. Thank her for remembering to record the footie for you.
Listen when they talk.
And that means active listening, not just nodding and saying ‘Uh huh’ once in a while. Ask real questions and then listen to the answers, make it a proper conversation.
Say thank you.
It’s easy to take the things someone does for granted – and after a while, it starts to feel like you’re taking them for granted too. Among the best relationship advice you’ll ever get is to say thank you - often! Thank you for making breakfast. Thank you for taking out the rubbish. Thank you for making me feel so good. One male friend tells me that the one thing his wife does that makes him feel great is – saying thank you after they make love. Which leads us to…
Get physical.
Express your affection physically. Touch your partner a lot. What is your partner’s favourite touch? Try to find opportunities to use it – and not just sexually. The extra hug at the door, a kiss that lasts a few seconds longer than it needs to be – all of those touches help make someone feel extra special.
Surprise them.
Call your partner at lunch just to tell them you can’t wait for them to get home. Take him out for dinner for a change – and pick up the tab yourself. Buy her flowers for no reason at all. Whisper to him that you “Oops! Forgot your knickers in your rush to get dressed for dinner”.
And here’s a bonus just because you read all the way to the end – say the words. Just tell them out loud how sexy, fantastic, intelligent, charming and fun they are. Practice positive communication from the start and you’ll never need relationship rescue.
Chris Norton writes for Armchair Advice. Armchair Advice is a UK website providing specialist job loss and relationship rescue. Whether you require emotional support, financial advice or divorce solicitors, you can find them all at Armchair Advice.
For more information please visit Armchair Advice.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
6 Great Ways To Improve Your Social Skills
If you are looking for a way to improve your social skills, there are many resources available that will assist you in refining your social skills and improving the way you communicate with others.
It's not only possible to learn how to improve your social
skills; it's easier than you think.
Imagine how much simpler your life would be if you could
rid yourself of nagging self-doubt and have confidence
knowing you can handle any social situation.
Have you ever wondered how some people seem to excel at
socializing? Learning how to improve your social skills
will give you the ability to know what to say in any
situation and be the type of person others love to be
around.
You can develop the skills needed to start a conversation
with anyone you encounter, deal effectively with awkward
situations, accept rejection gracefully, and win the
approval and appreciation of all that you encounter.
You will be able to read the body language of others,
effectively solve problems, and develop the ability to
diffuse sensitive situations with seemingly little effort.
In the process of learning how to improve your social
skills, your self-esteem will soar and your confidence will
reach an all-time high.
Here are 6 great tips you can use today:
1. Awareness of your own interaction with other people is
the first step in improving your social skills.
Learn to identify which types of situations make you
uncomfortable and then modify your behavior to achieve
positive results is a critical step in improving your
social skills.
You can learn to become aware of behaviors in other people
that prompt you to respond in negative ways and modify your
own behavior to turn the situation into a positive
experience.
2. You must accept responsibility for your own behavior and
do not fear apologizing for errors in judgment or
insensitive actions.
Asking others for honest feedback about the way you
interact with others can be very helpful. Accept the
negative feedback along with the positive and make changes
accordingly.
3. Your non-verbal communication is equally as important as
the things that you say. Positive body language is
extremely important in your interactions with other people.
If your words and your actions do not match, you will have
a difficult time succeeding in social situations.
4. In order to learn how to improve your social skills, you
must become and great listener. You must fight the urge to
respond immediately and really listen to what the other
person is trying to communicate.
Offering suggestions or criticism before you are certain of
the other person's intent can only lead to frustration for
both parties.
5. Improving your social skills is a process and cannot be
accomplished overnight. Trying to improve or change too
many things at once will be counter-productive.
You will become discouraged and overwhelmed if you attempt
to change your entire personality all at once. Choose one
or two traits at a time and work on those over a period of
time. Learn to take advantage of your personal strengths
and make a positive impact on others.
6. Maximize your positive personality traits and use them
in your interactions with others. Good communication and
great listening skills are the most important tools you can
use in improving your social skills.
You can learn how to improve your social skills by
developing excellent listening skills, learning to resolve
problems and conflicts, understanding body language, and
accepting responsibility for your own negative behavior.
Determination and self-awareness will make your desire to
improve your social skills a reality.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
It's not only possible to learn how to improve your social
skills; it's easier than you think.
Imagine how much simpler your life would be if you could
rid yourself of nagging self-doubt and have confidence
knowing you can handle any social situation.
Have you ever wondered how some people seem to excel at
socializing? Learning how to improve your social skills
will give you the ability to know what to say in any
situation and be the type of person others love to be
around.
You can develop the skills needed to start a conversation
with anyone you encounter, deal effectively with awkward
situations, accept rejection gracefully, and win the
approval and appreciation of all that you encounter.
You will be able to read the body language of others,
effectively solve problems, and develop the ability to
diffuse sensitive situations with seemingly little effort.
In the process of learning how to improve your social
skills, your self-esteem will soar and your confidence will
reach an all-time high.
Here are 6 great tips you can use today:
1. Awareness of your own interaction with other people is
the first step in improving your social skills.
Learn to identify which types of situations make you
uncomfortable and then modify your behavior to achieve
positive results is a critical step in improving your
social skills.
You can learn to become aware of behaviors in other people
that prompt you to respond in negative ways and modify your
own behavior to turn the situation into a positive
experience.
2. You must accept responsibility for your own behavior and
do not fear apologizing for errors in judgment or
insensitive actions.
Asking others for honest feedback about the way you
interact with others can be very helpful. Accept the
negative feedback along with the positive and make changes
accordingly.
3. Your non-verbal communication is equally as important as
the things that you say. Positive body language is
extremely important in your interactions with other people.
If your words and your actions do not match, you will have
a difficult time succeeding in social situations.
4. In order to learn how to improve your social skills, you
must become and great listener. You must fight the urge to
respond immediately and really listen to what the other
person is trying to communicate.
Offering suggestions or criticism before you are certain of
the other person's intent can only lead to frustration for
both parties.
5. Improving your social skills is a process and cannot be
accomplished overnight. Trying to improve or change too
many things at once will be counter-productive.
You will become discouraged and overwhelmed if you attempt
to change your entire personality all at once. Choose one
or two traits at a time and work on those over a period of
time. Learn to take advantage of your personal strengths
and make a positive impact on others.
6. Maximize your positive personality traits and use them
in your interactions with others. Good communication and
great listening skills are the most important tools you can
use in improving your social skills.
You can learn how to improve your social skills by
developing excellent listening skills, learning to resolve
problems and conflicts, understanding body language, and
accepting responsibility for your own negative behavior.
Determination and self-awareness will make your desire to
improve your social skills a reality.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report:10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
5 Tips: How To Look Younger Without Botox Or Surgery
Eternal youth. That seems to be what so many beautiful people seem to be searching for. The ability to look unaffected by the passage of time. Wrinkle free faces. The body of a 60 year old that looks like a svelte twenty year old. You see that quite often in Hollywood.
First, there was plastic surgery Now there is botox. Where a toxin is injected into your face to paralyze your facial muscles, to erase the lines on your face.
Scary isn't it? Then again, if you were gorgeous in your youth, if your face were your fortune, wouldn't you do everything possible to preserve your youthful appearance for as long as possible.
Time is relentless. You get older every year. Your face and your body will age. But you can age beautifully. If you keep fit, exercise and watch your diet, your body can still be svelte late in life. It would get harder with time, but with enough discipline and effort, you can still keep your figure.
It is harder when it comes to your skin. Sure, there is botox and plastic surgery. An alternative you can turn to when nothing else works. Until then, there are less invasive, needle free means to erase wrinkles, or at very least to appear younger than you really are.
#1 Microdermabrasion
Have you ever tried clinical microdermabrasion. It is like a facial where the doctor blasts tiny crystals onto your face, to smooth your skin. You have to go for a few treatments but it is effective. Lines diminish. Even acne prone skin improves with this treatment. Best of all, the treatment does not burn your skin with acid and you don't look like an escapee from a horror movie during recovery time.
These days, you can even do that at home. There are even do it yourself microdermabrasion kits you can use in the comfort of your own home.
Other than physically erasing the lines on your face, you can appear younger if you dress, and act younger. An exuberant woman, full of life looks years younger than she actually is. Look at Diane Keaton, born in January 5, 1946 which makes her almost 60 years old. She certainly doesn't look her age. That brings us to the next few tips.
#2 Hairstyle
Rather than stick to a conservative hairstyle, go for a younger, more carefree look. You'll look years younger that way. It can be as simple as a change from a conservative side part to a younger, carefree center part. Or you can visit your hairdresser for a younger makeover.
#3 Fragrance
A young vibe makes you appear younger. A young fragrance makes you seem much younger than you really are. In a study, women who wore scents with pink grapefruit notes appeared, on average, 6 years younger than their actual age according to the men who were surveyed. Details about that can be found at http://www.perfume-online.org/PinkGrapefruitPerfumes.html
#4 Lighting
Finally, the lighting you appear in can make you look older or younger than you really are. In harsh bright, unflattering light, you could look years younger. In soft, gentle, flattering light, you look younger. Everyone looks better by candle light. Installing light dimmers, on every light in your home allows you to look younger at home. http://www.candleslighting.com/light-dimmers.htm explains why.
#5 Makeup
When all else fails, cheat. Use a makeup primer after your moisturizer to fill in all the lines on your face. Then apply makeup in a color that matches your skin tone exactly, over the primer for that flawless look. You might want to mix 2 makeup colors together for that ideal shade.
Here is where you can find home microdermabrasion kits to smooth away the lines and to clarify your skin.
First, there was plastic surgery Now there is botox. Where a toxin is injected into your face to paralyze your facial muscles, to erase the lines on your face.
Scary isn't it? Then again, if you were gorgeous in your youth, if your face were your fortune, wouldn't you do everything possible to preserve your youthful appearance for as long as possible.
Time is relentless. You get older every year. Your face and your body will age. But you can age beautifully. If you keep fit, exercise and watch your diet, your body can still be svelte late in life. It would get harder with time, but with enough discipline and effort, you can still keep your figure.
It is harder when it comes to your skin. Sure, there is botox and plastic surgery. An alternative you can turn to when nothing else works. Until then, there are less invasive, needle free means to erase wrinkles, or at very least to appear younger than you really are.
#1 Microdermabrasion
Have you ever tried clinical microdermabrasion. It is like a facial where the doctor blasts tiny crystals onto your face, to smooth your skin. You have to go for a few treatments but it is effective. Lines diminish. Even acne prone skin improves with this treatment. Best of all, the treatment does not burn your skin with acid and you don't look like an escapee from a horror movie during recovery time.
These days, you can even do that at home. There are even do it yourself microdermabrasion kits you can use in the comfort of your own home.
Other than physically erasing the lines on your face, you can appear younger if you dress, and act younger. An exuberant woman, full of life looks years younger than she actually is. Look at Diane Keaton, born in January 5, 1946 which makes her almost 60 years old. She certainly doesn't look her age. That brings us to the next few tips.
#2 Hairstyle
Rather than stick to a conservative hairstyle, go for a younger, more carefree look. You'll look years younger that way. It can be as simple as a change from a conservative side part to a younger, carefree center part. Or you can visit your hairdresser for a younger makeover.
#3 Fragrance
A young vibe makes you appear younger. A young fragrance makes you seem much younger than you really are. In a study, women who wore scents with pink grapefruit notes appeared, on average, 6 years younger than their actual age according to the men who were surveyed. Details about that can be found at http://www.perfume-online.org/PinkGrapefruitPerfumes.html
#4 Lighting
Finally, the lighting you appear in can make you look older or younger than you really are. In harsh bright, unflattering light, you could look years younger. In soft, gentle, flattering light, you look younger. Everyone looks better by candle light. Installing light dimmers, on every light in your home allows you to look younger at home. http://www.candleslighting.com/light-dimmers.htm explains why.
#5 Makeup
When all else fails, cheat. Use a makeup primer after your moisturizer to fill in all the lines on your face. Then apply makeup in a color that matches your skin tone exactly, over the primer for that flawless look. You might want to mix 2 makeup colors together for that ideal shade.
Here is where you can find home microdermabrasion kits to smooth away the lines and to clarify your skin.
Pregnancy Symptoms and Signs
How can you tell if you are pregnant? There are a number of signs and symptoms to watch for. Chances are you will only experience a portion of the symptoms. Each pregnancy is different, and the same mom to be can experience different pregnancy signs each time she gets pregnant.
Pregnancy symptoms can begin for some mothers immediately after conception. Some pregnancy signs require that you chart your cycle, noting your daily basal body temperature.
Implantation
While a rare minority will experience pregnancy symptoms sooner, typically the first pregnancy signs occur when your baby implants around 8-10 days after ovulation. Implantation causes an increase in progesterone levels, which can lead to higher temperatures giving you a tri-phasic chart. If you temperature remains high for fifteen or more days after ovulation, you may be pregnant. Some women will see a slight temperature drop at implantation. Implantation bleeding sometimes occurs and can be pink, red, or brown in color. You may also have lower abdominal cramps.
Positive Pregnancy Test
The next and best sign that you are pregnant is a positive pregnancy test. Home pregnancy tests measure the pregnancy hormone hCG in your urine. The most sensitive home pregnancy tests will show a positive result when the hCG levels reach 20, which can happen as early as four days before your period is due, or approximately 10 days after ovulation.
False negatives are common when testing early with a home pregnancy test, so I recommend you wait to use one until eighteen days after ovulation to avoid false negatives. The usual recommendation is to wait until 14 days after ovulation before testing. Blood serum pregnancy tests performed by your doctor are much more sensitive. They can detect hCG levels as low as five. If you continue to experience pregnancy symptoms, but your home pregnancy test continues to show negative, you can make an appointment with your doctor to confirm your pregnancy.
Missed Period
One of the most common pregnancy signs is a missed period. For women with a standard 28-day cycle, their period is late if it has not arrived fifteen days after ovulation, or twenty-nine days after the first day of their cycle. Elevated basal body temperatures for 15 or more days will typically accompany the missed period.
Frequent Urination
Frequent urination is a very common early symptom of pregnancy. You may find yourself unable to be away from a bathroom for more than hour at a time, or waking up in the middle of the night to urinate.
Morning Sickness
Morning sickness can begin as early as 2 to 4 weeks after conception. The term morning sickness is something of a misnomer, as you can experience the nausea and vomiting throughout the day. Morning sickness typically is worst during the first trimester, and most pregnant women will have their morning sickness symptoms lessen or subside completely during the second or third trimester.
Breast Changes
Breast tenderness usually begins around 3 to 4 weeks after conception. This can also be a sign of your impending period. Usually the degree of breast tenderness is much stronger with pregnancy than with your period. You may also notice a slight tingling sensation.
Another change to your breasts early in pregnancy is the appearance. Your areolas can become larger and darker.
Fatigue
Fatigue can be an early sign of pregnancy. This symptom is not just being a little tired; it is more like feeling totally wiped out. Your normal daily activities can send you to complete exhaustion.
Body Discomforts
The physical and hormonal changes you experience with pregnancy can cause a long list of body changes that are annoying and uncomfortable. You may experience headaches, backaches, acne, constipation, heartburn, mood swings, constipation, diarrhea, bloating, indigestion, and abdominal cramps.
Food Cravings
Food cravings are a very common pregnancy symptom. Approximately 85% of women will experience some type of food craving during their pregnancy.
Food Aversions
The other side of food cravings is food aversions. They are also a very common sign of early pregnancy. You may find that a favorite food suddenly makes you feel nauseated just thinking about it.
Smell Aversions
A heightened sense of smell may cause some odors to seem stronger than normal when you are pregnant. Some smell aversions can cause food aversions.
Baby Movement
You can feel your baby moving as early as 16 weeks, but for first-time mothers may not feel the baby moving until 20 weeks or more.
Intuition
For some women, they just “feel” pregnant, even though they have had no other signs or symptoms. A mother's intuition is frequently accurate.
It is possible to experience some of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, yet still not be pregnant. It is important that both you and your baby get under a doctor’s care as early as possible. If you think you might be pregnant, treat your body as if you are pregnant until you know for sure. Take a home pregnancy test if you miss your period. If the test shows positive, then you are pregnant. Congratulations!
Elleth Faewen is a wife who has lost three pregnancies, one to stillbirth, one to miscarriage, and one to an ectopic pregnancy. She founded Baby Talk Zone as a friendly online resource for those pregnant, trying to conceive, and adopting. Elleth is currently on the waiting list for IVF. You can visit her online forum at http://www.babytalkzone.com
Baby Talk Zone provides a free pregnancy due date calculator http://www.babytalkzone.com/duedatecalculator and a free downloadable monthly ovulation cycle chart in both Fahrenheit and Celsius http://www.babytalkzone.com/chart-your-monthly-cycle
Pregnancy symptoms can begin for some mothers immediately after conception. Some pregnancy signs require that you chart your cycle, noting your daily basal body temperature.
Implantation
While a rare minority will experience pregnancy symptoms sooner, typically the first pregnancy signs occur when your baby implants around 8-10 days after ovulation. Implantation causes an increase in progesterone levels, which can lead to higher temperatures giving you a tri-phasic chart. If you temperature remains high for fifteen or more days after ovulation, you may be pregnant. Some women will see a slight temperature drop at implantation. Implantation bleeding sometimes occurs and can be pink, red, or brown in color. You may also have lower abdominal cramps.
Positive Pregnancy Test
The next and best sign that you are pregnant is a positive pregnancy test. Home pregnancy tests measure the pregnancy hormone hCG in your urine. The most sensitive home pregnancy tests will show a positive result when the hCG levels reach 20, which can happen as early as four days before your period is due, or approximately 10 days after ovulation.
False negatives are common when testing early with a home pregnancy test, so I recommend you wait to use one until eighteen days after ovulation to avoid false negatives. The usual recommendation is to wait until 14 days after ovulation before testing. Blood serum pregnancy tests performed by your doctor are much more sensitive. They can detect hCG levels as low as five. If you continue to experience pregnancy symptoms, but your home pregnancy test continues to show negative, you can make an appointment with your doctor to confirm your pregnancy.
Missed Period
One of the most common pregnancy signs is a missed period. For women with a standard 28-day cycle, their period is late if it has not arrived fifteen days after ovulation, or twenty-nine days after the first day of their cycle. Elevated basal body temperatures for 15 or more days will typically accompany the missed period.
Frequent Urination
Frequent urination is a very common early symptom of pregnancy. You may find yourself unable to be away from a bathroom for more than hour at a time, or waking up in the middle of the night to urinate.
Morning Sickness
Morning sickness can begin as early as 2 to 4 weeks after conception. The term morning sickness is something of a misnomer, as you can experience the nausea and vomiting throughout the day. Morning sickness typically is worst during the first trimester, and most pregnant women will have their morning sickness symptoms lessen or subside completely during the second or third trimester.
Breast Changes
Breast tenderness usually begins around 3 to 4 weeks after conception. This can also be a sign of your impending period. Usually the degree of breast tenderness is much stronger with pregnancy than with your period. You may also notice a slight tingling sensation.
Another change to your breasts early in pregnancy is the appearance. Your areolas can become larger and darker.
Fatigue
Fatigue can be an early sign of pregnancy. This symptom is not just being a little tired; it is more like feeling totally wiped out. Your normal daily activities can send you to complete exhaustion.
Body Discomforts
The physical and hormonal changes you experience with pregnancy can cause a long list of body changes that are annoying and uncomfortable. You may experience headaches, backaches, acne, constipation, heartburn, mood swings, constipation, diarrhea, bloating, indigestion, and abdominal cramps.
Food Cravings
Food cravings are a very common pregnancy symptom. Approximately 85% of women will experience some type of food craving during their pregnancy.
Food Aversions
The other side of food cravings is food aversions. They are also a very common sign of early pregnancy. You may find that a favorite food suddenly makes you feel nauseated just thinking about it.
Smell Aversions
A heightened sense of smell may cause some odors to seem stronger than normal when you are pregnant. Some smell aversions can cause food aversions.
Baby Movement
You can feel your baby moving as early as 16 weeks, but for first-time mothers may not feel the baby moving until 20 weeks or more.
Intuition
For some women, they just “feel” pregnant, even though they have had no other signs or symptoms. A mother's intuition is frequently accurate.
It is possible to experience some of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, yet still not be pregnant. It is important that both you and your baby get under a doctor’s care as early as possible. If you think you might be pregnant, treat your body as if you are pregnant until you know for sure. Take a home pregnancy test if you miss your period. If the test shows positive, then you are pregnant. Congratulations!
Elleth Faewen is a wife who has lost three pregnancies, one to stillbirth, one to miscarriage, and one to an ectopic pregnancy. She founded Baby Talk Zone as a friendly online resource for those pregnant, trying to conceive, and adopting. Elleth is currently on the waiting list for IVF. You can visit her online forum at http://www.babytalkzone.com
Baby Talk Zone provides a free pregnancy due date calculator http://www.babytalkzone.com/duedatecalculator and a free downloadable monthly ovulation cycle chart in both Fahrenheit and Celsius http://www.babytalkzone.com/chart-your-monthly-cycle
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Free Penis Enlargement Exercises
Alright guys, I decided to let you in on a little preview of what Penis enlargement ( PE ) is all about. I'm going to give you the basic routine that most people do in their first month of PE. I'm pretty sure that you'll be positively surprised at the results and will want to continue or get into the more advanced routines.
Alright well first off, the most important thing to remember is that consistency is key. It's THE MOST important thing to successful PE. You have to be dedicated to the task at hand ( no pun intended ). I've done it both ways, being constant & NOT being constant. Let me tell you, I tell everyone now how much of a difference it makes. Truthfully, when I wasn't consistant, I was more prone to injury, & I lacked gains. But since I've restarted, I haven't missed a day of my preset "pe" days, and it shows.
Most people preach the 3 on 1 off 2 on 1 off. Wich means, you do PE for 3 days then take a day off, then you do 2 days on and another day off. But personally, I went with another type of routine. My routine is more like this: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday are my "on" days. Wednesday, and the weekend I don't do anything. It's been working great for me. You shouldn't workout everyday, since your penis needs to rebuild itself to get bigger. Not giving it enough time to rebuild itself is just like taking a step forward and two steps back. It'll hurt your results. So even though your in a hurry to make those gains, stick to the days your put as your "on" days and ONLY those days.
Alright, now for the first technique. It's called the PC flex. It's probably one of the more helpfull exercises in PE since it's the exercise that gives you those rock-hard erections. These exercises train, well, your PC muscle. What muscle is that? Well have you ever stopped been peeing and stopped so you could hear what your drunk friend was saying outside the door, or just stopped peing in the middle of the act? Well the PC was responsible for that. So do what you did to stop your flow, come on, do it now...You should feel a squeeze from under your package and in front of your anus. That's where the PC is, and you just basically did a PC flex! Now how easy was that?! So now, since your just starting, your PC needs to become stronger, and we do that one step at a time.
Alright, here's what you do: Do these flexes for 5 min during your first week. You can do them whenever, wherever you like. I do them sitting at work in front of my computer. You don't need to have a hard-on to do these. After that first week, raise it to 10min; 3rd week, 20 min & 4th week, 30 min. From now on you don't need to add any more minutes. Always do 30min from now on. I used to do them for an hour, but I developped back pains, but now, no pain, all gain. Only do PC flexes on your on days, it also needs rest to become stronger. In no time, you'll have hard as hell erections, and you could learn to control your ejaculations. Wich is something for another article all-together. Doing ONLY this exercise could give you gains in your girth from the increased bloodflow. Not alot tough, since you need to do other exercises to stretch to allow more blood in and create more places for blood to go in.
The second exercise is the basis of all the lenght exercises, the Long Schlong. This is pretty easy to do. Just grab your penis under the head with an ok grip. An ok grip is just making an "O" with your thumb and index finger. So do that and stretch in front of you and hold it there for 15 secs. After that massage. Now repeat this for every direction: Up,Down,Left,Right,Straight out. Make sure you massage in between every rep. Do 4 sets in all directions. Don't pull too hard until you feel pain though, you should only pull until you feel a good stretch. We don't want you to go injuring your favorite member now do we? Oh and if your having a hard time getting a good grip on your soldier, I use toilet paper. If you can find something softer wich still gives you a good grip, then go for it. I've even heard of people using boxers. Even though I can't see how well that can work... You may start to get an erection since it's your first time. It can be annoying, but don't sweat it, it's happenned to EVERYONE. Just give it time and that'll go away.
Next up, the basis of all PE, the Jelq. This is mainly go girth, you'll be using this pretty much throughout your PE journey.
For this exercise you should use lubrication. Preferably water based. Baby oil is a popular choice. I myself use Stives moisturizer but might switch to baby oil after my supply runs out. You'll be using lubrication for most of your girth work, so you should get some before you start. And Baby oil doesn't look as bad as buying Vaseline wich is part of alot of jokes. You should always do your girth exercises after your stretching exercises for this reason, since you'll probably have a hard time grabbing your head and getting a good grip if it's lubricated. Now, for the exercise, first off, get yourself an 80% erection. I usually know I'm at around 80% when I'm hard but I can still bend it pretty easily. Once you've got that taken care of, make an ok grip at the base and slide it up towards the head. This should take about 2-3 secs. Make sure your pushing the blood and not just the skin. Now when your up at the head, switch hands and start again. Do 25 of these in your first week. Then, each week, add another set of 25. Continue like this until you reach 200 jelqs, wich should be around the end of your second month. Remember to always massage after each set. This'll help prevent injury.
The last important thing to talk about is the Warm up and Warm down. For the warm up, before you start the Long Schlong, take a hot towel and wrap it on your penis for about 3 mins. It's that simple. For the warm down, you can either do the warm towel again, or you can do what I do and take a bath or a shower. They all work. Some have developped fancier ways to warm up. But I'm a fan of the KISS way of fàdoing things: Keep It Simple Stupid.
And there you go! Those are the basic exercises that most people do in their first month of Penis enlargement. Now go start so you can marvel at the effects of these techniques.
More penis enlargement tips are available on thebestmanyoucanbe.com.
Alright well first off, the most important thing to remember is that consistency is key. It's THE MOST important thing to successful PE. You have to be dedicated to the task at hand ( no pun intended ). I've done it both ways, being constant & NOT being constant. Let me tell you, I tell everyone now how much of a difference it makes. Truthfully, when I wasn't consistant, I was more prone to injury, & I lacked gains. But since I've restarted, I haven't missed a day of my preset "pe" days, and it shows.
Most people preach the 3 on 1 off 2 on 1 off. Wich means, you do PE for 3 days then take a day off, then you do 2 days on and another day off. But personally, I went with another type of routine. My routine is more like this: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday are my "on" days. Wednesday, and the weekend I don't do anything. It's been working great for me. You shouldn't workout everyday, since your penis needs to rebuild itself to get bigger. Not giving it enough time to rebuild itself is just like taking a step forward and two steps back. It'll hurt your results. So even though your in a hurry to make those gains, stick to the days your put as your "on" days and ONLY those days.
Alright, now for the first technique. It's called the PC flex. It's probably one of the more helpfull exercises in PE since it's the exercise that gives you those rock-hard erections. These exercises train, well, your PC muscle. What muscle is that? Well have you ever stopped been peeing and stopped so you could hear what your drunk friend was saying outside the door, or just stopped peing in the middle of the act? Well the PC was responsible for that. So do what you did to stop your flow, come on, do it now...You should feel a squeeze from under your package and in front of your anus. That's where the PC is, and you just basically did a PC flex! Now how easy was that?! So now, since your just starting, your PC needs to become stronger, and we do that one step at a time.
Alright, here's what you do: Do these flexes for 5 min during your first week. You can do them whenever, wherever you like. I do them sitting at work in front of my computer. You don't need to have a hard-on to do these. After that first week, raise it to 10min; 3rd week, 20 min & 4th week, 30 min. From now on you don't need to add any more minutes. Always do 30min from now on. I used to do them for an hour, but I developped back pains, but now, no pain, all gain. Only do PC flexes on your on days, it also needs rest to become stronger. In no time, you'll have hard as hell erections, and you could learn to control your ejaculations. Wich is something for another article all-together. Doing ONLY this exercise could give you gains in your girth from the increased bloodflow. Not alot tough, since you need to do other exercises to stretch to allow more blood in and create more places for blood to go in.
The second exercise is the basis of all the lenght exercises, the Long Schlong. This is pretty easy to do. Just grab your penis under the head with an ok grip. An ok grip is just making an "O" with your thumb and index finger. So do that and stretch in front of you and hold it there for 15 secs. After that massage. Now repeat this for every direction: Up,Down,Left,Right,Straight out. Make sure you massage in between every rep. Do 4 sets in all directions. Don't pull too hard until you feel pain though, you should only pull until you feel a good stretch. We don't want you to go injuring your favorite member now do we? Oh and if your having a hard time getting a good grip on your soldier, I use toilet paper. If you can find something softer wich still gives you a good grip, then go for it. I've even heard of people using boxers. Even though I can't see how well that can work... You may start to get an erection since it's your first time. It can be annoying, but don't sweat it, it's happenned to EVERYONE. Just give it time and that'll go away.
Next up, the basis of all PE, the Jelq. This is mainly go girth, you'll be using this pretty much throughout your PE journey.
For this exercise you should use lubrication. Preferably water based. Baby oil is a popular choice. I myself use Stives moisturizer but might switch to baby oil after my supply runs out. You'll be using lubrication for most of your girth work, so you should get some before you start. And Baby oil doesn't look as bad as buying Vaseline wich is part of alot of jokes. You should always do your girth exercises after your stretching exercises for this reason, since you'll probably have a hard time grabbing your head and getting a good grip if it's lubricated. Now, for the exercise, first off, get yourself an 80% erection. I usually know I'm at around 80% when I'm hard but I can still bend it pretty easily. Once you've got that taken care of, make an ok grip at the base and slide it up towards the head. This should take about 2-3 secs. Make sure your pushing the blood and not just the skin. Now when your up at the head, switch hands and start again. Do 25 of these in your first week. Then, each week, add another set of 25. Continue like this until you reach 200 jelqs, wich should be around the end of your second month. Remember to always massage after each set. This'll help prevent injury.
The last important thing to talk about is the Warm up and Warm down. For the warm up, before you start the Long Schlong, take a hot towel and wrap it on your penis for about 3 mins. It's that simple. For the warm down, you can either do the warm towel again, or you can do what I do and take a bath or a shower. They all work. Some have developped fancier ways to warm up. But I'm a fan of the KISS way of fàdoing things: Keep It Simple Stupid.
And there you go! Those are the basic exercises that most people do in their first month of Penis enlargement. Now go start so you can marvel at the effects of these techniques.
More penis enlargement tips are available on thebestmanyoucanbe.com.
Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide
Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly with regards to the mortgage and household bills. When marriage seperation is inevitable obviously both parties need somewhere to stay and often it can be quite difficult to sell one property and then try to finance two. Some couples agree to keep the existing property going and one partner move out into rented accommodation for a trial marriage seperation period. This then gives each partner time to reflect and decide what may be better for both parties. However, both parties in marriage seperation have to live and are sometimes eligible for single parent help should they have children. This, together with child maintenance, could help with their financial situation considerably.
Marriage seperation can be a lonely one as you may not get asked to dinner parties and get togethers from your existing circle of friends who are still married. People intend to invite couples to join couples and have a good time. They sometimes forget that friends, whether together in marriage or not, should still be friends and it often helps to keep them in the same circle of friends even in marriage seperation. After all we are all human and need all the friends we have especially at the beginning of a marriage seperation. True friends will always want to help you at a time like this when your morale is low and you need motivation.
It is also helpful to meet new people who are in the same situation as yourself. They will understand what you are going through and it may help you too to get things off your chest. You never know, you may even gain a complete new circle of friends. There are so many meeting points for people on their own. Dinner dates, luncheons and breakfast clubs operate throughout the country so meeting new people, where for friendship or a new prospective partner could be a step in the right direction to get you motivated and get you out of a rut.
Of course marriage seperation for the older person tends to be much harder a you tend to think that most people by now have found their ideal partner and that there do not seem to be many older people looking for companionship or a stable relationship. Again, clubs and groups of all ages operate in most areas. Obviously you will be more cautious next time around as you have already been hurt in the past. But you now have more experience behind you and know what to look for in the future whether it be friendship or a more permanent relationship.
Marriage seperation is hard work but once you come to terms with what has happened in your life you should be able to build a new life for yourself and look forward to new and rewarding challenges that come along. Marriage seperation can and will be stressful at times but keep your head above water and you will begin to see positive results arise in your future. Concentrate on being positive in the future and you will reap the rewards that await you. Everything comes to those who wait.
Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.
http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com
Marriage seperation can be a lonely one as you may not get asked to dinner parties and get togethers from your existing circle of friends who are still married. People intend to invite couples to join couples and have a good time. They sometimes forget that friends, whether together in marriage or not, should still be friends and it often helps to keep them in the same circle of friends even in marriage seperation. After all we are all human and need all the friends we have especially at the beginning of a marriage seperation. True friends will always want to help you at a time like this when your morale is low and you need motivation.
It is also helpful to meet new people who are in the same situation as yourself. They will understand what you are going through and it may help you too to get things off your chest. You never know, you may even gain a complete new circle of friends. There are so many meeting points for people on their own. Dinner dates, luncheons and breakfast clubs operate throughout the country so meeting new people, where for friendship or a new prospective partner could be a step in the right direction to get you motivated and get you out of a rut.
Of course marriage seperation for the older person tends to be much harder a you tend to think that most people by now have found their ideal partner and that there do not seem to be many older people looking for companionship or a stable relationship. Again, clubs and groups of all ages operate in most areas. Obviously you will be more cautious next time around as you have already been hurt in the past. But you now have more experience behind you and know what to look for in the future whether it be friendship or a more permanent relationship.
Marriage seperation is hard work but once you come to terms with what has happened in your life you should be able to build a new life for yourself and look forward to new and rewarding challenges that come along. Marriage seperation can and will be stressful at times but keep your head above water and you will begin to see positive results arise in your future. Concentrate on being positive in the future and you will reap the rewards that await you. Everything comes to those who wait.
Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.
http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com
Monday, November 27, 2006
Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Don't Want You to Know
1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.
He heard what you said. He’s just not interested in hearing it at the moment. Don’t try to give your man instructions or talk about your feelings when he’s watching TV (especially sports), eating, reading, or has just come home from work. He will only be half listening. His mind is on other things like: will his team win, his day at work, how hungry he is, etc. He can only pay attention to one thing at a time. If he lets you think that he is giving you his full attention, and then you will want to talk to him at these inappropriate moments all the time. If he gives you a detailed response, you’ll just continue to talk. If he completely ignores you, you’ll get mad. If he pretends that he is listening, you will be content and walk away.
2. He Does Look at Other Women.
Not because he wants to cheat, but because men are visually stimulated. Getting mad at him for looking is just going to make him sneak a peek. Hey, it’s just a passing glance. It’s not like we don’t check guys out too!
3. He Needs Time Away From You.
Men need time to reflect, socialize and just get away from it all. Men like the time to regroup. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with us, it is just an escape to appreciate what they have at home. So lighten up, while he’s out of the house, take the kids out or get a babysitter and go something you enjoy.
4. He Doesn’t Feel Like Being Bothered Sometimes
You’ve probably asked him to do something several times, but yet he still doesn’t do it in a timely manner. In frustration, you do it yourself. What is he thinking, “Thank Goodness!” Men do things at their own pace. You can ask your man to take out the trash and 3 hours later, it’s still there. Technically, he still has time to take out the trash. In his mind, the trash isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and if you do it yourself, that just makes it better for him.
5. He Really Enjoys Gossip
If your man overhears you gossiping on the phone, he’ll probably shake his head in disapproval. However, if he talks about Joe and Margaret, his co workers who are having an affair, it’s not gossip. Actually men enjoy to gossip. They just have a different name for it “Commenting.”
6. Yes, He Was Thinking About Sex
Your man has a far away look in his eyes. He seems distant. He was thinking about sex. He can’t help it, he thinks about it several times a day. Wouldn’t you prefer that he thinks about it several times a day rather than having sex several times a day?
7. When His Voice Goes High, or He Answers a Question With the Same Question, He’s Thinking of a Lie.
If you ask your man, “What You’d Do Today?’ and he replies “What I’d Do Today?” he’s probably thinking of lie. It doesn’t mean that he did something inappropriate, just something you wouldn’t approve of. Maybe, he left work early to hang out with the guys. If he told you this, you’d be upset because you had a long day at work or at home with the kids. The problem is he was having too much fun to think about if you would ask him that question, so he didn’t plan a lie beforehand.
8. Nothing is Wrong, So Stop Asking Him
Admit it, you see your man sitting quietly and you naturally assume something is wrong or has happened. So you ask, “What’s wrong?” and he replies, “Nothing, I’m just thinking.” Well, this answer doesn’t satisfy you, so you ask again throughout the day, which leads to his frustration. Men reflect too! He was probably thinking about how he wants to change careers, if you are satisfied and happy with him, how he can make more money, how he doesn’t want to grow old and fat, or how he would really like to buy that sports car. Ask him once, and then leave it alone. If you really sense something is wrong, give him some time and talk to him when you both feel like talking.
9. Most Men are Conquerors and Most Women are Venters
You just told him about your horrible experience at work. You want him to comfort and console you; instead he gives you logical facts about how to solve the problem. You feel cheated. You wanted to share your feelings about the day and all he wanted to do was fix the problem. Men like to offer solutions. Most men are not concerned about being in touch with their feelings when there’s a conflict. You want to feel understood; he wants to make the problem go away. He can’t relate to how you are feeling, so he does what he knows best, helps you to plan a solution.
10. He Wants to Feel Successful.
A man needs to feel he has accomplished something in life, and often times that accomplishment is found in their jobs or careers. Men don’t like to feel conflicted between work and quality time with their families. To men, if they are working hard to earn money, this will improve the quality of their family’s life.
Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach an Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. Her Successful Thinking™ program is an affordable coaching resource that offers support and encouragement when there are roadblocks to success. You can find out more about the program at http://www.thinkandbesuccessful.com or sign up for her free Be Inspired newsletter at http://www.smartbeecoaching.com
He heard what you said. He’s just not interested in hearing it at the moment. Don’t try to give your man instructions or talk about your feelings when he’s watching TV (especially sports), eating, reading, or has just come home from work. He will only be half listening. His mind is on other things like: will his team win, his day at work, how hungry he is, etc. He can only pay attention to one thing at a time. If he lets you think that he is giving you his full attention, and then you will want to talk to him at these inappropriate moments all the time. If he gives you a detailed response, you’ll just continue to talk. If he completely ignores you, you’ll get mad. If he pretends that he is listening, you will be content and walk away.
2. He Does Look at Other Women.
Not because he wants to cheat, but because men are visually stimulated. Getting mad at him for looking is just going to make him sneak a peek. Hey, it’s just a passing glance. It’s not like we don’t check guys out too!
3. He Needs Time Away From You.
Men need time to reflect, socialize and just get away from it all. Men like the time to regroup. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with us, it is just an escape to appreciate what they have at home. So lighten up, while he’s out of the house, take the kids out or get a babysitter and go something you enjoy.
4. He Doesn’t Feel Like Being Bothered Sometimes
You’ve probably asked him to do something several times, but yet he still doesn’t do it in a timely manner. In frustration, you do it yourself. What is he thinking, “Thank Goodness!” Men do things at their own pace. You can ask your man to take out the trash and 3 hours later, it’s still there. Technically, he still has time to take out the trash. In his mind, the trash isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and if you do it yourself, that just makes it better for him.
5. He Really Enjoys Gossip
If your man overhears you gossiping on the phone, he’ll probably shake his head in disapproval. However, if he talks about Joe and Margaret, his co workers who are having an affair, it’s not gossip. Actually men enjoy to gossip. They just have a different name for it “Commenting.”
6. Yes, He Was Thinking About Sex
Your man has a far away look in his eyes. He seems distant. He was thinking about sex. He can’t help it, he thinks about it several times a day. Wouldn’t you prefer that he thinks about it several times a day rather than having sex several times a day?
7. When His Voice Goes High, or He Answers a Question With the Same Question, He’s Thinking of a Lie.
If you ask your man, “What You’d Do Today?’ and he replies “What I’d Do Today?” he’s probably thinking of lie. It doesn’t mean that he did something inappropriate, just something you wouldn’t approve of. Maybe, he left work early to hang out with the guys. If he told you this, you’d be upset because you had a long day at work or at home with the kids. The problem is he was having too much fun to think about if you would ask him that question, so he didn’t plan a lie beforehand.
8. Nothing is Wrong, So Stop Asking Him
Admit it, you see your man sitting quietly and you naturally assume something is wrong or has happened. So you ask, “What’s wrong?” and he replies, “Nothing, I’m just thinking.” Well, this answer doesn’t satisfy you, so you ask again throughout the day, which leads to his frustration. Men reflect too! He was probably thinking about how he wants to change careers, if you are satisfied and happy with him, how he can make more money, how he doesn’t want to grow old and fat, or how he would really like to buy that sports car. Ask him once, and then leave it alone. If you really sense something is wrong, give him some time and talk to him when you both feel like talking.
9. Most Men are Conquerors and Most Women are Venters
You just told him about your horrible experience at work. You want him to comfort and console you; instead he gives you logical facts about how to solve the problem. You feel cheated. You wanted to share your feelings about the day and all he wanted to do was fix the problem. Men like to offer solutions. Most men are not concerned about being in touch with their feelings when there’s a conflict. You want to feel understood; he wants to make the problem go away. He can’t relate to how you are feeling, so he does what he knows best, helps you to plan a solution.
10. He Wants to Feel Successful.
A man needs to feel he has accomplished something in life, and often times that accomplishment is found in their jobs or careers. Men don’t like to feel conflicted between work and quality time with their families. To men, if they are working hard to earn money, this will improve the quality of their family’s life.
Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach an Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. Her Successful Thinking™ program is an affordable coaching resource that offers support and encouragement when there are roadblocks to success. You can find out more about the program at http://www.thinkandbesuccessful.com or sign up for her free Be Inspired newsletter at http://www.smartbeecoaching.com
The Power of Giving Unconditional Love
“You can’t give love to someone else without knowing how to give yourself love first.” ~Tristan Loo
According to humanistic psychology, human beings have an inner need and desire to give and receive high quality love. Love is the glue that holds together human society and without it our lives have little meaning or purpose. In fact, our need to give high quality love to others drives us towards behaviors that would otherwise be considered insane, such as mother rushing into a raging fire to save her child or a father working night and day at a job he hates in order to provide sustenance for his family. Modern Western society has focused quite a bit of attention on how to attract, possess, and maintain love in one’s own life, but it often misses the main secret of attracting love—that if you give love unconditionally from the heart, you will get love back in abundance from the unlimited supply the universe holds.
What is Unconditional Love?
Before we define what unconditional love is, we should first clarify what love means in the context of this article. Genuine love for another person simply means the continual desire and the act of increasing the level of happiness in another person’s life. It’s important that we understand exactly what unconditional love is so that we can know exactly how to express it completely to ourselves and towards others, as well as fully appreciating it when it is offered to us by others. Unconditional love is the ability to accept, respect, and care for yourself and others without any conditions, limitations or reservations attached to that love. Unconditional love is the practice of giving of love to others without demanding that they perform behaviors that you desire. This kind of love is best portrayed by the love between a mother and her child. Unconditional love has little to do with romance, friendships or relationships and more to do with an abundance of love for yourself which flows out from your body and attracts good things and people into your life like a magnet.
When describing unconditional love towards yourself, it means the pure acceptance of everything that is you, including all your flaws and weaknesses. Really this is the basis of unconditional love because love in its true form cannot be shared or given to someone else until you love and accept yourself first. There are no boundaries or limits on love that is unconditional. You are not trying to control the actions or behaviors of the other person, nor do you impose conditions on your love by restricting that love if they behave or don’t behave a certain way. Unconditional love is the ability to want what’s best for others in their pursuit of universal happiness, irregardless of your own opinions and biases of them or their behavior. Unconditional love is an overflow of positive energy that comes from the complete love that you have for yourself so no matter what the other person’s says or does; it will not affect your level of happiness.
The Benefits of Unconditional Love
The practice of giving unconditional love requires by its very nature that you don’t expect anything directly in return for giving it to others. By providing unconditional love to others, you are expressing your faith that good things will be drawn into your life through the law of attraction. Here are some benefits of giving unconditional love:
• The act of giving unconditional love to others eliminates the fear of anger and reprisal from other people for any behavior you do. It also facilitates open and honest relationships with other people.
• In a more spiritual sense, sharing your love unconditionally with the world sends out positive energy which will be returned to you in one form or another to create great abundance, wealth, and goodness that you deserve in your own life.
• When you provide unconditional love to others, you are not dependant on others for happiness, but rather you derive your happiness from within. Your energy radiates to those around you and the world gives back to you in abundance.
• When you give love unconditionally, then you can’t be ever angry at anyone. All human minds need congruency of thought and it’s simply impossible to hate another person if you have made the conscious decision that you are going to love them unconditionally.
• By giving unconditional love to others, you side-step any tricks, emotional ploys, and unfair negotiating tactics because you have consciously choses to take responsibility for giving them love from own heart despite the behaviors that they exhibit.
Happiness Comes from Within
Those people who try to find their love and happiness in the possessions, places or people they have in their life are destined to be miserable in life because they fail to understand that true happiness can only be found within themselves. Everlasting joy, happiness and love all come from falling in love with yourself. The people, places and things that you attract into your life that make you happy only serve to enhance the love that you already have for yourself. They can never replace that inner love. If you want to practice giving unconditional love, then the first person you must show true love to first is yourself. Love yourself for the person that you are, which includes all your flaws as well as your strengths.
How to Practice Giving Unconditional Love
To practice unconditional love is simple, yet you must make a conscious decision to act on accordingly. You must first make the conscious decision that no matter what the other person thinks, says or does, you are going to provide them with the same amount of love that you would if they treated you like royalty. More importantly, you make the firm commitment that you are going to provide them with unconditional love freely and without harboring any negative intentions.
• Unconditionally love yourself first. The first person that you need to show unconditional love to first is yourself. After all, you are married to yourself for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. Learn to love everything about you because even your flaws make you unique and special. Once you fall in love with yourself, then the world opens up in abundance to your life.
• Don’t use “if-then” clauses with your love. The use of “if-then” clauses makes the love conditional, even if you only say it inside your own mind. For example, “If you treat me well, then I will show you affection.” Unconditional love exists without any “if-then” statements.
• Write what you love about yourself. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 qualities that you love about yourself. This will help you visualize and memorize all the great qualities that you possess. After you finish writing those qualities down, repeat them out loud to yourself
• Unconditional love is not automatic. Always remember that unconditional love is something that you must decide to give, not something that is automatically given. It requires practice to give love to those that you don’t like and to accept everyone for who they are, regardless of your opinions about them.
• Don’t give love with expectation in mind. If you expect something back in return for your love, then that makes the love you give conditional in nature. Instead, have the faith to believe that what you put out there in the world will eventually come back to you, but don’t expect it at that very moment to be returned.
• Repeat it in your mind. If you get upset at yourself or another person, then immediately begin to say over and over in your mind, “I love [Person] unconditionally, no matter what they say or do.” Your mind cannot hate a person and love them at the same time because it is not congruent thinking, so it immediately removes much of the anger and hatred that builds inside of you if you repeat statements of love in your mind.
• Write it down. If any negative thoughts enter your mind about yourself or another person in your life, then destroy those thoughts with the power of writing. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 things that you love about the other person and after you are done, repeat it out loud. This cancels out your negative thoughts of the person and it sows the seeds of unconditional love for that person in your subconscious mind.
Conclusion
When you fall in love with yourself, you give yourself the ultimate power to pick up the pen and begin to write your own book rather than having other people write it for you. You are able to tap into the unlimited potential that is within you. It’s like a spark that ignites your heart and that passion spreads to your mind and your body. Everything in life becomes crystal clear. When you fall in love with yourself, the world opens up to you in abundance.
© Copyright 2006 by Tristan Loo.
For over 10 years, Tristan Loo has inspired, motivated, and brought success to the lives of the countless people he’s touched. Successful in his own right, Tristan has competed athletically against Olympians as a world-class gymnast, saved lives as a police officer, authored numerous Personal Development and Interpersonal Communication books and articles, and is a highly sought-after Peak Performance Coach. Tristan is the founder of the Synergy Institute, a San Diego based Personal Development Firm. His philosophy of passionate living and helping others fulfill their dreams and goals has continually been the driving force that has placed him well above the industry standard. Visit Tristan's website at http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com or by email at info@synergyinstituteonline.com
According to humanistic psychology, human beings have an inner need and desire to give and receive high quality love. Love is the glue that holds together human society and without it our lives have little meaning or purpose. In fact, our need to give high quality love to others drives us towards behaviors that would otherwise be considered insane, such as mother rushing into a raging fire to save her child or a father working night and day at a job he hates in order to provide sustenance for his family. Modern Western society has focused quite a bit of attention on how to attract, possess, and maintain love in one’s own life, but it often misses the main secret of attracting love—that if you give love unconditionally from the heart, you will get love back in abundance from the unlimited supply the universe holds.
What is Unconditional Love?
Before we define what unconditional love is, we should first clarify what love means in the context of this article. Genuine love for another person simply means the continual desire and the act of increasing the level of happiness in another person’s life. It’s important that we understand exactly what unconditional love is so that we can know exactly how to express it completely to ourselves and towards others, as well as fully appreciating it when it is offered to us by others. Unconditional love is the ability to accept, respect, and care for yourself and others without any conditions, limitations or reservations attached to that love. Unconditional love is the practice of giving of love to others without demanding that they perform behaviors that you desire. This kind of love is best portrayed by the love between a mother and her child. Unconditional love has little to do with romance, friendships or relationships and more to do with an abundance of love for yourself which flows out from your body and attracts good things and people into your life like a magnet.
When describing unconditional love towards yourself, it means the pure acceptance of everything that is you, including all your flaws and weaknesses. Really this is the basis of unconditional love because love in its true form cannot be shared or given to someone else until you love and accept yourself first. There are no boundaries or limits on love that is unconditional. You are not trying to control the actions or behaviors of the other person, nor do you impose conditions on your love by restricting that love if they behave or don’t behave a certain way. Unconditional love is the ability to want what’s best for others in their pursuit of universal happiness, irregardless of your own opinions and biases of them or their behavior. Unconditional love is an overflow of positive energy that comes from the complete love that you have for yourself so no matter what the other person’s says or does; it will not affect your level of happiness.
The Benefits of Unconditional Love
The practice of giving unconditional love requires by its very nature that you don’t expect anything directly in return for giving it to others. By providing unconditional love to others, you are expressing your faith that good things will be drawn into your life through the law of attraction. Here are some benefits of giving unconditional love:
• The act of giving unconditional love to others eliminates the fear of anger and reprisal from other people for any behavior you do. It also facilitates open and honest relationships with other people.
• In a more spiritual sense, sharing your love unconditionally with the world sends out positive energy which will be returned to you in one form or another to create great abundance, wealth, and goodness that you deserve in your own life.
• When you provide unconditional love to others, you are not dependant on others for happiness, but rather you derive your happiness from within. Your energy radiates to those around you and the world gives back to you in abundance.
• When you give love unconditionally, then you can’t be ever angry at anyone. All human minds need congruency of thought and it’s simply impossible to hate another person if you have made the conscious decision that you are going to love them unconditionally.
• By giving unconditional love to others, you side-step any tricks, emotional ploys, and unfair negotiating tactics because you have consciously choses to take responsibility for giving them love from own heart despite the behaviors that they exhibit.
Happiness Comes from Within
Those people who try to find their love and happiness in the possessions, places or people they have in their life are destined to be miserable in life because they fail to understand that true happiness can only be found within themselves. Everlasting joy, happiness and love all come from falling in love with yourself. The people, places and things that you attract into your life that make you happy only serve to enhance the love that you already have for yourself. They can never replace that inner love. If you want to practice giving unconditional love, then the first person you must show true love to first is yourself. Love yourself for the person that you are, which includes all your flaws as well as your strengths.
How to Practice Giving Unconditional Love
To practice unconditional love is simple, yet you must make a conscious decision to act on accordingly. You must first make the conscious decision that no matter what the other person thinks, says or does, you are going to provide them with the same amount of love that you would if they treated you like royalty. More importantly, you make the firm commitment that you are going to provide them with unconditional love freely and without harboring any negative intentions.
• Unconditionally love yourself first. The first person that you need to show unconditional love to first is yourself. After all, you are married to yourself for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. Learn to love everything about you because even your flaws make you unique and special. Once you fall in love with yourself, then the world opens up in abundance to your life.
• Don’t use “if-then” clauses with your love. The use of “if-then” clauses makes the love conditional, even if you only say it inside your own mind. For example, “If you treat me well, then I will show you affection.” Unconditional love exists without any “if-then” statements.
• Write what you love about yourself. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 qualities that you love about yourself. This will help you visualize and memorize all the great qualities that you possess. After you finish writing those qualities down, repeat them out loud to yourself
• Unconditional love is not automatic. Always remember that unconditional love is something that you must decide to give, not something that is automatically given. It requires practice to give love to those that you don’t like and to accept everyone for who they are, regardless of your opinions about them.
• Don’t give love with expectation in mind. If you expect something back in return for your love, then that makes the love you give conditional in nature. Instead, have the faith to believe that what you put out there in the world will eventually come back to you, but don’t expect it at that very moment to be returned.
• Repeat it in your mind. If you get upset at yourself or another person, then immediately begin to say over and over in your mind, “I love [Person] unconditionally, no matter what they say or do.” Your mind cannot hate a person and love them at the same time because it is not congruent thinking, so it immediately removes much of the anger and hatred that builds inside of you if you repeat statements of love in your mind.
• Write it down. If any negative thoughts enter your mind about yourself or another person in your life, then destroy those thoughts with the power of writing. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 things that you love about the other person and after you are done, repeat it out loud. This cancels out your negative thoughts of the person and it sows the seeds of unconditional love for that person in your subconscious mind.
Conclusion
When you fall in love with yourself, you give yourself the ultimate power to pick up the pen and begin to write your own book rather than having other people write it for you. You are able to tap into the unlimited potential that is within you. It’s like a spark that ignites your heart and that passion spreads to your mind and your body. Everything in life becomes crystal clear. When you fall in love with yourself, the world opens up to you in abundance.
© Copyright 2006 by Tristan Loo.
For over 10 years, Tristan Loo has inspired, motivated, and brought success to the lives of the countless people he’s touched. Successful in his own right, Tristan has competed athletically against Olympians as a world-class gymnast, saved lives as a police officer, authored numerous Personal Development and Interpersonal Communication books and articles, and is a highly sought-after Peak Performance Coach. Tristan is the founder of the Synergy Institute, a San Diego based Personal Development Firm. His philosophy of passionate living and helping others fulfill their dreams and goals has continually been the driving force that has placed him well above the industry standard. Visit Tristan's website at http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com or by email at info@synergyinstituteonline.com
Sunday, November 26, 2006
How to Flirt With Women Using the Power of Positive Body Language
Learning how to flirt is probably the best skill you can learn to attract women. By understanding proper flirting techniques, you will be able to build rapport with a girl and demonstrate your sexuality in a nonverbal way. Done correctly, you will be able to make her instantly attracted to you.
Unfortunately finding out how to flirt is hard for a large number of men. In our modern education system, little time is spent on teaching us relationship and sexuality skills. As a result, many of use have no clue about how to flirt and ways we can build attraction with women.
Fortunately flirting is a skill that you can easily learn.
In a previous article, I discussed the nature of flirting and why it's important to learn this skill. I mentioned the importance of doing two things before flirting with a woman. The first is you have to be completely comfortable with yourself and ignore any faults that you may have. The other is to have the right frame of mind when flirting. Your focus is to have fun and be interesting to any woman you're talking to.
By doing these first two steps, you will be creating what I like to call a "flirting atmosphere", which is a fun, low-pressure way to engage women in a conversation. If you do this right, you'll be able to build an instant connection with any woman.
Once you have the right kind of mindset for creating a flirting atmosphere, you have to ensure that your body language matches your attitude. This means your body should radiate confidence while remaining relaxed and in control.
What I mean by this is you have to show her that you're having fun in your interaction, but you're not taking yourself too seriously. As we all know, women love confident men. So you can subconsciously draw in women by giving off a positive aura.
To have the proper body language, you have to carry yourself with a straight, but relaxed posture. This signifies that you are confident while not being too stuffy.
After demonstrating your relaxed attitude, you have to give off a "welcoming attitude" with your body language. This means leaving your arms uncrossed and leaning forward to her as she is talking to you.
The final secret for learning how to flirt is to know how to use your smile. As we all know, a smile is a contagious thing. If you give her a welcoming and friendly smile, you are telling a woman that you like her and find her interesting. So when you're creating a flirting atmosphere, make sure that you give her a confident smile that lets her know you find her interesting.
Believe me when I say that your smile will be the best arsenal when it comes to flirting with a woman.
Knowing how to flirt is a crucial step to meeting and attracting women. But before you even talk to them, you have to have the right kind of body language. By being able to create a flirting atmosphere and smile with a confident manner, you will set up a relaxing situation where you can easily build rapport and possibly "do more" with her.
So get out there and start practicing your flirting skills.
Having trouble approaching and attracting women? Well take a look at Scott Patterson's FREE course on how to meet, approach and attract beautiful and interesting women. Read it today and start bringing home girls tomorrow.
Unfortunately finding out how to flirt is hard for a large number of men. In our modern education system, little time is spent on teaching us relationship and sexuality skills. As a result, many of use have no clue about how to flirt and ways we can build attraction with women.
Fortunately flirting is a skill that you can easily learn.
In a previous article, I discussed the nature of flirting and why it's important to learn this skill. I mentioned the importance of doing two things before flirting with a woman. The first is you have to be completely comfortable with yourself and ignore any faults that you may have. The other is to have the right frame of mind when flirting. Your focus is to have fun and be interesting to any woman you're talking to.
By doing these first two steps, you will be creating what I like to call a "flirting atmosphere", which is a fun, low-pressure way to engage women in a conversation. If you do this right, you'll be able to build an instant connection with any woman.
Once you have the right kind of mindset for creating a flirting atmosphere, you have to ensure that your body language matches your attitude. This means your body should radiate confidence while remaining relaxed and in control.
What I mean by this is you have to show her that you're having fun in your interaction, but you're not taking yourself too seriously. As we all know, women love confident men. So you can subconsciously draw in women by giving off a positive aura.
To have the proper body language, you have to carry yourself with a straight, but relaxed posture. This signifies that you are confident while not being too stuffy.
After demonstrating your relaxed attitude, you have to give off a "welcoming attitude" with your body language. This means leaving your arms uncrossed and leaning forward to her as she is talking to you.
The final secret for learning how to flirt is to know how to use your smile. As we all know, a smile is a contagious thing. If you give her a welcoming and friendly smile, you are telling a woman that you like her and find her interesting. So when you're creating a flirting atmosphere, make sure that you give her a confident smile that lets her know you find her interesting.
Believe me when I say that your smile will be the best arsenal when it comes to flirting with a woman.
Knowing how to flirt is a crucial step to meeting and attracting women. But before you even talk to them, you have to have the right kind of body language. By being able to create a flirting atmosphere and smile with a confident manner, you will set up a relaxing situation where you can easily build rapport and possibly "do more" with her.
So get out there and start practicing your flirting skills.
Having trouble approaching and attracting women? Well take a look at Scott Patterson's FREE course on how to meet, approach and attract beautiful and interesting women. Read it today and start bringing home girls tomorrow.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Become a Master at Flirting With Women
Want to know the secret to succeeding wildly with interesting and hot women?
Well it's easy…all you have to do is become an expert at flirting with women.
Let's face it if you're reading this article then you probably want to be more successful with women. In fact, most single guys want to increase their success with women and ultimately find one that is perfect for them. But if you're too tongue-tied or have trouble thinking of how to act around a girl, then you'll have little chance of getting her number or going on a date.
That is why you need to know the proper techniques for flirting with women.
So what is flirting and why is it important?
In a nutshell, flirting is a part of human interaction that provides a means for expressing interest and gauging the levels of attraction in an object of interest. It can be accomplished through body language, conversations and casual touching. By becoming a master at flirting with women, you'll have an unfair advantage when it comes to meeting and attracting girls.
The first step to flirting with women is to become absolutely comfortable with yourself. While you have probably heard this statement before, I want to stress its importance. Before you can even think of flirting with a woman, you have look within yourself and find out what you find attractive.
We all have flaws. So don't be too despondent about not being perfect. If you become excellent at flirting with women, these negatives won't matter. In order to be successful at flirting you have confidence and happiness with who you are. By carrying yourself with the right attitude, you'll do a great job at the first stage of flirting.
Next you should create the right frame of mind for flirting. In order to have the right kind of attitude that women will find fun and attractive, you have to radiate positive qualities about yourself. That means when you want to start flirting with women you should be in a good mood and consciously think about how much fun you are.
By having the right kind of mind set, you'll relax yourself and others around you. This will help create a playful atmosphere that will naturally lead to successful flirting.
Flirting with women can lead to successful dates and possibly an intimate relationship. But before you can think about interacting with a woman, you have to be both comfortable with yourself and create a positive atmosphere with women. In my next few articles, I will cover a wide variety of flirting techniques that will improve your chances of success with women.
Having trouble approaching and attracting women? Well take a look at Scott Patterson's free course on how to meet, approach and attract beautiful and interesting women. Read it today and start bringing home girls tomorrow.
Well it's easy…all you have to do is become an expert at flirting with women.
Let's face it if you're reading this article then you probably want to be more successful with women. In fact, most single guys want to increase their success with women and ultimately find one that is perfect for them. But if you're too tongue-tied or have trouble thinking of how to act around a girl, then you'll have little chance of getting her number or going on a date.
That is why you need to know the proper techniques for flirting with women.
So what is flirting and why is it important?
In a nutshell, flirting is a part of human interaction that provides a means for expressing interest and gauging the levels of attraction in an object of interest. It can be accomplished through body language, conversations and casual touching. By becoming a master at flirting with women, you'll have an unfair advantage when it comes to meeting and attracting girls.
The first step to flirting with women is to become absolutely comfortable with yourself. While you have probably heard this statement before, I want to stress its importance. Before you can even think of flirting with a woman, you have look within yourself and find out what you find attractive.
We all have flaws. So don't be too despondent about not being perfect. If you become excellent at flirting with women, these negatives won't matter. In order to be successful at flirting you have confidence and happiness with who you are. By carrying yourself with the right attitude, you'll do a great job at the first stage of flirting.
Next you should create the right frame of mind for flirting. In order to have the right kind of attitude that women will find fun and attractive, you have to radiate positive qualities about yourself. That means when you want to start flirting with women you should be in a good mood and consciously think about how much fun you are.
By having the right kind of mind set, you'll relax yourself and others around you. This will help create a playful atmosphere that will naturally lead to successful flirting.
Flirting with women can lead to successful dates and possibly an intimate relationship. But before you can think about interacting with a woman, you have to be both comfortable with yourself and create a positive atmosphere with women. In my next few articles, I will cover a wide variety of flirting techniques that will improve your chances of success with women.
Having trouble approaching and attracting women? Well take a look at Scott Patterson's free course on how to meet, approach and attract beautiful and interesting women. Read it today and start bringing home girls tomorrow.
Friday, November 24, 2006
The Best Creative Ways to Propose
Marriage proposals made over a romantic dinner at an elegant restaurant can be very romantic but they are not necessarily creative. Many women dream about the day that the man of their dreams proposes to them and hope that the day will be absolutely perfect in every way imaginable. In a recent study the majority of married women reported that they believe that their spouse spent a significant amount of money on their wedding proposal but that the lack of originality in the proposal had left the women feeling disappointed.
One creative way to propose for a couple involved in a long distance relationship is to plan a surprise visit and set up a scavenger hunt. You could have a friend pick you up from the airport so that your girlfriend doesn’t know that you are coming to visit and have the friend give your girlfriend instructions for the scavenger hunt. You could hide a number of small surprises such as candy, flowers and a CD as the first few stops on the scavenger hunt and then hide at the final location poised to propose when your girlfriend completes the game.
An outdoor enthusiast might appreciate a creative proposal during a camping trip. It’s a good idea to plan a quiet trip for just you and your girlfriend at a picturesque location. You could hide the ring in your sleeping bag to use in a surprise proposal. When it’s time to go to sleep after a long day of hiking and fishing, you could complain that there must be a rock or something underneath you and then pull out the ring and make your proposal. This creative proposal also contains the element of surprise as a camping trip is not a usual proposal location.
Another creative proposal idea is to place an ad in a local newspaper. You could place an outrageous ad in a newspaper asking anyone who was willing to get married to give you a call and include a fictitious phone number. Then when you and your girlfriend are reading the paper together, you could point out the ad as a joke and while she is reading the ad, seize the opportunity to pull out the engagement ring and let her know that you would love to marry her.
Proposing at a sporting event is a creative way to propose to a sports fan. For this proposal idea you could either arrange to have your proposal broadcast over the public address system or displayed on the large screen. If you are really adventurous, you could also contact the team’s public relations department and try to make arrangements to make your proposal on the field at halftime. They might be willing to help you stage a scenario where you are either chosen to win a prize or participate in a contest and while you are on the field, they would hand over the microphone to allow you to make your proposal.
Another creative marriage proposal idea is to purchase a book of poems and leave the first few pages intact and carve a heart into the remaining pages and sew the engagement ring to the back of the book. You could suggest taking turns reading the poems on each page and plan to have your girlfriend turn the final complete page to reveal the heart and ring that were hidden inside. This proposal idea is not only creative but also incredibly romantic.
Having the DJ of your girlfriend’s favorite radio program ask her if she will marry you is another creative proposal idea. You will want to make sure that you are aware of the exact time that the DJ will be sending your message so that you are able to ensure that you and your girlfriend are listening together when he makes the announcement. You could also arrange to have the DJ play a song that has a special meaning for you as a couple so that you can enjoy a dance together after she accepts your creative proposal.
Another creative way to propose is to include all of your family and friends in the event by inviting them all to a surprise party for your girlfriend. To make this proposal work, you would either convince your girlfriend that you want to have a quiet dinner at home or at a restaurant with just the two of you. Once you arrive at the destination all of the guests will reveal themselves and while all eyes are on the two of you, you could take the opportunity to profess your love and propose.
Still another creative way to propose is to hide the ring in an unexpected location. For example you could pretend to have a clogged sink and while you are working to fix the clog, you could reach into the sink and pull out the engagement ring. When your girlfriend is nearby, you could seize the opportunity to pull out the ring you had hidden earlier and say something to the effect of, “No wonder the sink is clogged, I’ll have to find another place to store this ring, how about your finger?” This whimsical proposal is both light-hearted and creative.
A variation on the traditional proposal at an elegant restaurant could be to have the waiter bring out the ring with the bill. You could have a little good natured fun with your girlfriend by going out of your way to drop hints that you would be proposing over dinner. If you keep up the act, she will be expecting your proposal with each course. After dessert you could tell her that you have something very important to ask and as she eagerly awaits your proposal, you could ask an inconsequential question about something completely irrelevant to your relationship. She will probably be furious at this point but her anger won’t last as the waiter arrives with the bill and the engagement ring and you let her know how much she means to you.
Finally a creative proposal idea is for the woman to ask the man to marry her, instead of waiting for him to propose. Many women anxiously await the day that the man in their life will propose but why not add your own creative twist by proposing to him instead. The woman is free to propose in any way that she finds truly romantic and can ensure that the proposal is both creative and romantic and that it’s a moment that they both will remember for the rest of their lives.
A great marriage proposal doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. Many women are more likely to cherish the memories of a proposal that was inexpensive but truly creative. The creativity is what makes the proposal so memorable and what makes it a great story to tell their friends.
Masni Rizal Mansor is the publisher for My
Wedding Dresses. Get the best discount
wedding dresses and cheap
wedding invitation card
One creative way to propose for a couple involved in a long distance relationship is to plan a surprise visit and set up a scavenger hunt. You could have a friend pick you up from the airport so that your girlfriend doesn’t know that you are coming to visit and have the friend give your girlfriend instructions for the scavenger hunt. You could hide a number of small surprises such as candy, flowers and a CD as the first few stops on the scavenger hunt and then hide at the final location poised to propose when your girlfriend completes the game.
An outdoor enthusiast might appreciate a creative proposal during a camping trip. It’s a good idea to plan a quiet trip for just you and your girlfriend at a picturesque location. You could hide the ring in your sleeping bag to use in a surprise proposal. When it’s time to go to sleep after a long day of hiking and fishing, you could complain that there must be a rock or something underneath you and then pull out the ring and make your proposal. This creative proposal also contains the element of surprise as a camping trip is not a usual proposal location.
Another creative proposal idea is to place an ad in a local newspaper. You could place an outrageous ad in a newspaper asking anyone who was willing to get married to give you a call and include a fictitious phone number. Then when you and your girlfriend are reading the paper together, you could point out the ad as a joke and while she is reading the ad, seize the opportunity to pull out the engagement ring and let her know that you would love to marry her.
Proposing at a sporting event is a creative way to propose to a sports fan. For this proposal idea you could either arrange to have your proposal broadcast over the public address system or displayed on the large screen. If you are really adventurous, you could also contact the team’s public relations department and try to make arrangements to make your proposal on the field at halftime. They might be willing to help you stage a scenario where you are either chosen to win a prize or participate in a contest and while you are on the field, they would hand over the microphone to allow you to make your proposal.
Another creative marriage proposal idea is to purchase a book of poems and leave the first few pages intact and carve a heart into the remaining pages and sew the engagement ring to the back of the book. You could suggest taking turns reading the poems on each page and plan to have your girlfriend turn the final complete page to reveal the heart and ring that were hidden inside. This proposal idea is not only creative but also incredibly romantic.
Having the DJ of your girlfriend’s favorite radio program ask her if she will marry you is another creative proposal idea. You will want to make sure that you are aware of the exact time that the DJ will be sending your message so that you are able to ensure that you and your girlfriend are listening together when he makes the announcement. You could also arrange to have the DJ play a song that has a special meaning for you as a couple so that you can enjoy a dance together after she accepts your creative proposal.
Another creative way to propose is to include all of your family and friends in the event by inviting them all to a surprise party for your girlfriend. To make this proposal work, you would either convince your girlfriend that you want to have a quiet dinner at home or at a restaurant with just the two of you. Once you arrive at the destination all of the guests will reveal themselves and while all eyes are on the two of you, you could take the opportunity to profess your love and propose.
Still another creative way to propose is to hide the ring in an unexpected location. For example you could pretend to have a clogged sink and while you are working to fix the clog, you could reach into the sink and pull out the engagement ring. When your girlfriend is nearby, you could seize the opportunity to pull out the ring you had hidden earlier and say something to the effect of, “No wonder the sink is clogged, I’ll have to find another place to store this ring, how about your finger?” This whimsical proposal is both light-hearted and creative.
A variation on the traditional proposal at an elegant restaurant could be to have the waiter bring out the ring with the bill. You could have a little good natured fun with your girlfriend by going out of your way to drop hints that you would be proposing over dinner. If you keep up the act, she will be expecting your proposal with each course. After dessert you could tell her that you have something very important to ask and as she eagerly awaits your proposal, you could ask an inconsequential question about something completely irrelevant to your relationship. She will probably be furious at this point but her anger won’t last as the waiter arrives with the bill and the engagement ring and you let her know how much she means to you.
Finally a creative proposal idea is for the woman to ask the man to marry her, instead of waiting for him to propose. Many women anxiously await the day that the man in their life will propose but why not add your own creative twist by proposing to him instead. The woman is free to propose in any way that she finds truly romantic and can ensure that the proposal is both creative and romantic and that it’s a moment that they both will remember for the rest of their lives.
A great marriage proposal doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. Many women are more likely to cherish the memories of a proposal that was inexpensive but truly creative. The creativity is what makes the proposal so memorable and what makes it a great story to tell their friends.
Masni Rizal Mansor is the publisher for My
Wedding Dresses. Get the best discount
wedding dresses and cheap
wedding invitation card
Weddings: Should You Keep Your Surname When You Marry?
What's in a name? Well, your identity, for starters -- you've spent your whole life "making a name for yourself." That's why changing your name after marriage isn't necessarily easy. The good news is that brides today have many options.
KEEP YOUR NAME
Can’t let go? Keeping your own name means you'll avoid the hassle of alerting everyone you know to the change. On the flip side, dealing with traditional in-laws who don't understand your reluctance to take their name won't be so simple.
TAKE HIS NAME
Taking your husband's name is the most traditional option. Be prepared to receive twice as much junk mail -- mailing lists won't know you're the same person. But everyone else will figure it out, and you'll avoid confusion when you have kids.
TAKE HIS NAME (SORT OF)
You could use your husband's name legally and socially but continue to use your own for business purposes; alternatively, you could keep your own name legally and professionally but use his in social situations.
TAKE BOTH
Or you could decided to keep both names and hyphenate them. If both names work well together, then this could be an option. It gets trickier if the names don’ work together or they have already been hyphenated; this then gets a bit much.
This is all great in theory, but in practice what do brides have to say?
“I took up my husband's surname. It gave me an added feeling of union, but it's not essential.”
“I don't see why I should have to change my name to his. This is who I am and everything I have achieved has been in my name so why change it? Why do WOMEN have to change for the men? I know its all tradition, but tradition isn't really relevant in this day and age, it's only because we live in such a patriarchal society that this occurs.”
I don't believe in changing my name as it is my identity, something I will retain - obviously - throughout our marriage. Also, I don't feel the need to change my name to prove my commitment, or feel any deeper commitment - that is something emotional and spiritual and unrelated to name changing. I must also admit there is also the feminist in me that baulks at the idea that traditionally women changed their name to a man's as she became, legally, another one of his chattel’s along with the cow and horse (Obviously not suggesting this is relevant these days...!)
Anyway, despite my moral high horse, I encountered problems when I discovered my other half did not feel the same and wanted us to have the same name. I made a flippant remark that if he felt that strongly about it he could change his to mine (nothing legally stopping him). From there we came to a compromise that we would both change our names and hyphenate both our surnames. A good compromise to start our marriage, I get to keep my name whilst he ensures we both have the same name!”!
“I would never change my name. I now attach great importance to it. Besides, my parents did all the hard work and I feel as though I am giving that credit to some other family by changing my name. We have had this discussion and he would never expect me to. I personally don't feel the need to be unified under a name.”
I did not change my name. I am in two minds about this. Sometimes I feel as though I should change it because it would make me feel like it was more of a union...but then other times I think we have no boys in the family and if I do not carry on the family name who will?
The problem is that my surname which is hyphenated has come to an end - there are no males to carry on our name. It’s very sad as I am very proud of my name and it has a lot of history. So when I marry my man one day but what do I do?? I really like his surname and would feel kind of honoured to take it (soooo traditional I know!)
“I've kept my surname, I've also known men who have taken their wife's surname. The winner though, goes to a friend who, upon realising her maternal grandmother (her maiden name) was the last in the family line with that name, the bride and groom both changed their names to hers. It was a beautiful gesture.”
“I get REALLY riled up when people question me on my decision to change my name. They say things like, you've lost your identity - Sorry?? ****. My identity is in my personality, my values, my memories and experiences, my upbringing - and my surname is only a small part of that. And losing the connection with my family? That makes no sense to me. I have a wonderful family, which after my wedding doubled in size. I feel a connection with ALL of them, and there are 50 different surnames within my family group. Some people choose not to change their name, and that is entirely their choice and I have no problem with it. I have chosen TO change my name, and people should, in return, have no problem with that, either. Don't let anybody pressure you into a decision one way or the other.”
"I can't decide. I don't feel especially loyal to my existing 'family' name/identity (after all, my grandparents came from 4 different families, but only 1 of their surnames has been passed down to me). It's more that I like my first name plus surname combination as it is. Megan M****. It's has symmetry and style. On the other hand, we're making a new family together and it makes sense to me that everyone in a family should have the same surname. And I don't want to go into marriage marking out all the things I *refuse* to give up or compromise on."
"I am reluctant to give up my current surname, especially at work where people know me as that. However, I like the idea of sharing a name with my husband and for any kids to have parents with the same name (it feels more like a family). So ... I'm thinking of doing the Hollywood thing and retaining my surname but adding his surname, like Joanne Whalley Kilmer."
"I changed my name because I wanted to seal our union, I wanted to prove not only to him but to everyone that I am 100% devoted to him and that we share everything. I knew that it was a big thing for his dad though, not that he is old fashioned or anything like that, but I know that it means a lot to him that I would choose to have their name and really make myself a part of their family. But I did not come to this decision lightly. I did want to keep my own name because it is the last thing I have of my dad. My father passed away when I was 5. I never knew my dad and the only thing left was my last name. So for me, this was a huge and significant decision. I felt sad and in some ways I felt that I was 'letting the team down' so to speak...but I am sure my dad understands that I finally have a man in my life and I want to devote everything to him and our lives together."
"After years of swearing that "I'd never change my surname, I built my career on my name, it’s my trade mark, etc etc".... within 6 months I changed it to my husband's surname. And it was a personal choice, not my husband's, or most of his family. My hubby was happy with whatever I wanted to do, it was MY choice. and he respected me & my decisions. (One of the reasons why I married him - awwww). Funny thing though, my brother in law insisted that his (now) wife change her last name to his when they got married."
"I am the youngest of 5 kids. 4 women, and 1 (gay) son, who is evidently not going to get married and have children. Therefore I feel some sort of obligation to retain my surname and pass it on to my children; the likelihood of our family name carrying on further than us is very slim."
"I would like to take my husbands name, and be called Mrs. I think it's just another (traditional) way to show your commitment to the world. (and there's nothing wrong with tradition) Mainly I'd like to take his name so the WHOLE family has the same last name.
Yes I did accomplish and experience things with my current name. . . but just because I change my surname. . . it doesn't erase those things. It just adds something else to my history. In addition, I have some "ideas" and family traditions that I would like upheld from my side of the family, and are essentially non negotiable. . . it's sort of like a compromise."
And what do Grooms think about all of this?
"A friend of my wife was told that changing her name was "not negotiable". A shame, as she did have a lovely surname. I wasn't fussed whether my wife changed her name or not. I saw it from my point of view...how I would feel to change my identity all of a sudden. It would be weird! .So I never bought it up as it wasn't an issue. I was surprised that within a month or so of getting married she decided to change her drivers license and open joint bank accounts. She really enjoyed it. But, she is still her "old self" at work. And everything is working just fine for her. Funny thing is when I call her at her office and I speak to her secretaries, I still ask for her using her old name. Three years of habit is hard to break!"
"When I get married, I would want my wife to keep her surname. Personally, I don't see any reason why she should have to change her surname to mine when we get married anyway. It's not like I'd own her or anything."
"If my future wife insists on keeping her last name, then I'd have to suck it in and take hers because I just like a bit of identity with families."
Anne Mihelakos is the owner of True Bride, a wedding site and your 'Ultimate Wedding Partner', providing Australian couples with fantastic wedding planning tools. This wedding web site has one of the most comprehensive wedding directories of wedding suppliers across Australia. For more information, visit the website http://www.truebride.com.au.
KEEP YOUR NAME
Can’t let go? Keeping your own name means you'll avoid the hassle of alerting everyone you know to the change. On the flip side, dealing with traditional in-laws who don't understand your reluctance to take their name won't be so simple.
TAKE HIS NAME
Taking your husband's name is the most traditional option. Be prepared to receive twice as much junk mail -- mailing lists won't know you're the same person. But everyone else will figure it out, and you'll avoid confusion when you have kids.
TAKE HIS NAME (SORT OF)
You could use your husband's name legally and socially but continue to use your own for business purposes; alternatively, you could keep your own name legally and professionally but use his in social situations.
TAKE BOTH
Or you could decided to keep both names and hyphenate them. If both names work well together, then this could be an option. It gets trickier if the names don’ work together or they have already been hyphenated; this then gets a bit much.
This is all great in theory, but in practice what do brides have to say?
“I took up my husband's surname. It gave me an added feeling of union, but it's not essential.”
“I don't see why I should have to change my name to his. This is who I am and everything I have achieved has been in my name so why change it? Why do WOMEN have to change for the men? I know its all tradition, but tradition isn't really relevant in this day and age, it's only because we live in such a patriarchal society that this occurs.”
I don't believe in changing my name as it is my identity, something I will retain - obviously - throughout our marriage. Also, I don't feel the need to change my name to prove my commitment, or feel any deeper commitment - that is something emotional and spiritual and unrelated to name changing. I must also admit there is also the feminist in me that baulks at the idea that traditionally women changed their name to a man's as she became, legally, another one of his chattel’s along with the cow and horse (Obviously not suggesting this is relevant these days...!)
Anyway, despite my moral high horse, I encountered problems when I discovered my other half did not feel the same and wanted us to have the same name. I made a flippant remark that if he felt that strongly about it he could change his to mine (nothing legally stopping him). From there we came to a compromise that we would both change our names and hyphenate both our surnames. A good compromise to start our marriage, I get to keep my name whilst he ensures we both have the same name!”!
“I would never change my name. I now attach great importance to it. Besides, my parents did all the hard work and I feel as though I am giving that credit to some other family by changing my name. We have had this discussion and he would never expect me to. I personally don't feel the need to be unified under a name.”
I did not change my name. I am in two minds about this. Sometimes I feel as though I should change it because it would make me feel like it was more of a union...but then other times I think we have no boys in the family and if I do not carry on the family name who will?
The problem is that my surname which is hyphenated has come to an end - there are no males to carry on our name. It’s very sad as I am very proud of my name and it has a lot of history. So when I marry my man one day but what do I do?? I really like his surname and would feel kind of honoured to take it (soooo traditional I know!)
“I've kept my surname, I've also known men who have taken their wife's surname. The winner though, goes to a friend who, upon realising her maternal grandmother (her maiden name) was the last in the family line with that name, the bride and groom both changed their names to hers. It was a beautiful gesture.”
“I get REALLY riled up when people question me on my decision to change my name. They say things like, you've lost your identity - Sorry?? ****. My identity is in my personality, my values, my memories and experiences, my upbringing - and my surname is only a small part of that. And losing the connection with my family? That makes no sense to me. I have a wonderful family, which after my wedding doubled in size. I feel a connection with ALL of them, and there are 50 different surnames within my family group. Some people choose not to change their name, and that is entirely their choice and I have no problem with it. I have chosen TO change my name, and people should, in return, have no problem with that, either. Don't let anybody pressure you into a decision one way or the other.”
"I can't decide. I don't feel especially loyal to my existing 'family' name/identity (after all, my grandparents came from 4 different families, but only 1 of their surnames has been passed down to me). It's more that I like my first name plus surname combination as it is. Megan M****. It's has symmetry and style. On the other hand, we're making a new family together and it makes sense to me that everyone in a family should have the same surname. And I don't want to go into marriage marking out all the things I *refuse* to give up or compromise on."
"I am reluctant to give up my current surname, especially at work where people know me as that. However, I like the idea of sharing a name with my husband and for any kids to have parents with the same name (it feels more like a family). So ... I'm thinking of doing the Hollywood thing and retaining my surname but adding his surname, like Joanne Whalley Kilmer."
"I changed my name because I wanted to seal our union, I wanted to prove not only to him but to everyone that I am 100% devoted to him and that we share everything. I knew that it was a big thing for his dad though, not that he is old fashioned or anything like that, but I know that it means a lot to him that I would choose to have their name and really make myself a part of their family. But I did not come to this decision lightly. I did want to keep my own name because it is the last thing I have of my dad. My father passed away when I was 5. I never knew my dad and the only thing left was my last name. So for me, this was a huge and significant decision. I felt sad and in some ways I felt that I was 'letting the team down' so to speak...but I am sure my dad understands that I finally have a man in my life and I want to devote everything to him and our lives together."
"After years of swearing that "I'd never change my surname, I built my career on my name, it’s my trade mark, etc etc".... within 6 months I changed it to my husband's surname. And it was a personal choice, not my husband's, or most of his family. My hubby was happy with whatever I wanted to do, it was MY choice. and he respected me & my decisions. (One of the reasons why I married him - awwww). Funny thing though, my brother in law insisted that his (now) wife change her last name to his when they got married."
"I am the youngest of 5 kids. 4 women, and 1 (gay) son, who is evidently not going to get married and have children. Therefore I feel some sort of obligation to retain my surname and pass it on to my children; the likelihood of our family name carrying on further than us is very slim."
"I would like to take my husbands name, and be called Mrs. I think it's just another (traditional) way to show your commitment to the world. (and there's nothing wrong with tradition) Mainly I'd like to take his name so the WHOLE family has the same last name.
Yes I did accomplish and experience things with my current name. . . but just because I change my surname. . . it doesn't erase those things. It just adds something else to my history. In addition, I have some "ideas" and family traditions that I would like upheld from my side of the family, and are essentially non negotiable. . . it's sort of like a compromise."
And what do Grooms think about all of this?
"A friend of my wife was told that changing her name was "not negotiable". A shame, as she did have a lovely surname. I wasn't fussed whether my wife changed her name or not. I saw it from my point of view...how I would feel to change my identity all of a sudden. It would be weird! .So I never bought it up as it wasn't an issue. I was surprised that within a month or so of getting married she decided to change her drivers license and open joint bank accounts. She really enjoyed it. But, she is still her "old self" at work. And everything is working just fine for her. Funny thing is when I call her at her office and I speak to her secretaries, I still ask for her using her old name. Three years of habit is hard to break!"
"When I get married, I would want my wife to keep her surname. Personally, I don't see any reason why she should have to change her surname to mine when we get married anyway. It's not like I'd own her or anything."
"If my future wife insists on keeping her last name, then I'd have to suck it in and take hers because I just like a bit of identity with families."
Anne Mihelakos is the owner of True Bride, a wedding site and your 'Ultimate Wedding Partner', providing Australian couples with fantastic wedding planning tools. This wedding web site has one of the most comprehensive wedding directories of wedding suppliers across Australia. For more information, visit the website http://www.truebride.com.au.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Why Does Dating Have to Be So Difficult Sometimes?
What a confusing world of dating out there isn't it? Now there are now more singles than at any time in
American history.
Why does dating have to be so difficult? Doesn't it seem as if many men are questioning their own manhood? I
mean really...shouldn't it be a natural thing to know how to 'date women'? Why do we have great catches who are both men and women yet are struggling with their own dating and sex lives?
Yes, women are having struggles with it as well. Yet should all of this blame go onto the men? I would like to take you in for a closer look into this great social dynamic paradox.
When you think about it, isn't dating and relationships one of the most important areas of life anyways?
Instead of looking at superficial solutions like most other dating coaches will do ('work harder, join more dating sites, get out there, etc.') I want to go to the root of the issue itself. From there, all of the
action-oriented solutions will present themselves anyways.
Though I write books on this, I'll try and keep this article short.
It is our uniquely modern social dynamic itself that has affected and altered the dating and mating game.
We now live in a social culture that has essentially become more socialistic than Socialistic societies. The level of influence and effect that now exists from our socio-centric culture is unparalleled.
To clarify things, I simply call it the 'social matrix'. I originally called it the 'forced reality'. It is
the socio-cultural reality and power game that has been built on top of nature itself.
You can't deny that any number of people can exist in together because that's what makes a society.
You can look to tribal groups, villages, the caste system, townships, subcultures, prison culture, high school social dynamics, etc. but when you compare any of them to the dominant social system in the world today (Western social culture), they don't compare.
It is no longer an equal society. Architects have essentially taken over and forged the social matrix to be a perfect system of power and influence. Architects such as producers and executives have got millions of people in a chokehold without their ever knowing it.
The whole system is invisible yet incredibly pervasive. You could live your whole life in this social matrix without ever knowing it. Cultural differentiation was the one thing that saved me.
Now am I starting to sound too escapist and like a threat to this culture itself? Well, maybe you had better think about where the threat really lies?
Millions of people are stuck in a stimulus-response relationship DAILY under the power and influence of the Architects. Television, advertising, music, radio, print advertising, etc. All of this is a system which people have become accustomed to.
That are being fed 'programming' from sources outside of a purely open and interdependent relationship. It is no longer a familial society of equal and opportunistic relationships. It is a society of those in power and those who have been programmed and influenced by those in power.
The reason this affects dating is because the Architects of the social matrix have for decades been promoting and exploiting the sexuality of women. They've essentially taken them and given them 'the power'. They promote the sexploitation of women to be the stimulus or 'control' for countless millions of men to 'respond' to.
Just look at the cover of magazines or almost any ad catered to men and see how they somehow attribute a woman's sexuality to get men to 'respond'. This also gets other women to be like these women so they can rise up this superficially created (yet seemingly real) social hierarchy.
This creates trillions of dollars in revenue across multiple industries. But what it is doing when it comes to dating is this; there is now a divergence. By creating this forced reality which is the opposite of nature, there is a great dichotomy.
It is a fantasy.
They promote the fantasy. Pornography is a fantasy where women are teasingly acting unnatural to get men to 'respond'. Now we have 40 year old virgins because of this divergent dating 'reality'.
Real men who are great catches have questioned their own manhood but it was really this great social game that was being played.
Millions of women are living the dichotomy because of adapting to their social environment which tells them to be the stimulus to attract men yet the men keep buying into the fantasy. It's a fantasy for them too. It's leaving millions of people in a dating mess.
People are more independent and isolated now because they are connected to their iPOD's and downloads in a response relationship to that stimulus instead of being in a more open and truly interdependent, familial society like old Europe or small-town American (even Cheers).
The best way you can get on top of this whole dating thing is to not listen to mainstream teachers because they're teaching what doesn't work except for those ready for marriage.
What to do instead, is to seek out the true answers behind the ironic behavior of men and women today.
Therein lies your revelation and ability to actually BE yourself and finally effective around women and dating instead of consistently running into walls.
Rion Williams is one of the foremost experts in dating advice, personal power and relational dynamics. He is well-known within the seduction community itself.
His work focuses on the regaining and improving of real character within frustrated men who do don't want to 'act', use pick-up lines or techniques to get women.
He teaches modern men how to truly be natural and comfortable in their own skin to consistently succeed with women, attraction and dating. You can sign up for his free eZines and find out more information at http://www.relationaldynamics.org
He also has a free podcast at http://www.lifestyledatingradio.com
American history.
Why does dating have to be so difficult? Doesn't it seem as if many men are questioning their own manhood? I
mean really...shouldn't it be a natural thing to know how to 'date women'? Why do we have great catches who are both men and women yet are struggling with their own dating and sex lives?
Yes, women are having struggles with it as well. Yet should all of this blame go onto the men? I would like to take you in for a closer look into this great social dynamic paradox.
When you think about it, isn't dating and relationships one of the most important areas of life anyways?
Instead of looking at superficial solutions like most other dating coaches will do ('work harder, join more dating sites, get out there, etc.') I want to go to the root of the issue itself. From there, all of the
action-oriented solutions will present themselves anyways.
Though I write books on this, I'll try and keep this article short.
It is our uniquely modern social dynamic itself that has affected and altered the dating and mating game.
We now live in a social culture that has essentially become more socialistic than Socialistic societies. The level of influence and effect that now exists from our socio-centric culture is unparalleled.
To clarify things, I simply call it the 'social matrix'. I originally called it the 'forced reality'. It is
the socio-cultural reality and power game that has been built on top of nature itself.
You can't deny that any number of people can exist in together because that's what makes a society.
You can look to tribal groups, villages, the caste system, townships, subcultures, prison culture, high school social dynamics, etc. but when you compare any of them to the dominant social system in the world today (Western social culture), they don't compare.
It is no longer an equal society. Architects have essentially taken over and forged the social matrix to be a perfect system of power and influence. Architects such as producers and executives have got millions of people in a chokehold without their ever knowing it.
The whole system is invisible yet incredibly pervasive. You could live your whole life in this social matrix without ever knowing it. Cultural differentiation was the one thing that saved me.
Now am I starting to sound too escapist and like a threat to this culture itself? Well, maybe you had better think about where the threat really lies?
Millions of people are stuck in a stimulus-response relationship DAILY under the power and influence of the Architects. Television, advertising, music, radio, print advertising, etc. All of this is a system which people have become accustomed to.
That are being fed 'programming' from sources outside of a purely open and interdependent relationship. It is no longer a familial society of equal and opportunistic relationships. It is a society of those in power and those who have been programmed and influenced by those in power.
The reason this affects dating is because the Architects of the social matrix have for decades been promoting and exploiting the sexuality of women. They've essentially taken them and given them 'the power'. They promote the sexploitation of women to be the stimulus or 'control' for countless millions of men to 'respond' to.
Just look at the cover of magazines or almost any ad catered to men and see how they somehow attribute a woman's sexuality to get men to 'respond'. This also gets other women to be like these women so they can rise up this superficially created (yet seemingly real) social hierarchy.
This creates trillions of dollars in revenue across multiple industries. But what it is doing when it comes to dating is this; there is now a divergence. By creating this forced reality which is the opposite of nature, there is a great dichotomy.
It is a fantasy.
They promote the fantasy. Pornography is a fantasy where women are teasingly acting unnatural to get men to 'respond'. Now we have 40 year old virgins because of this divergent dating 'reality'.
Real men who are great catches have questioned their own manhood but it was really this great social game that was being played.
Millions of women are living the dichotomy because of adapting to their social environment which tells them to be the stimulus to attract men yet the men keep buying into the fantasy. It's a fantasy for them too. It's leaving millions of people in a dating mess.
People are more independent and isolated now because they are connected to their iPOD's and downloads in a response relationship to that stimulus instead of being in a more open and truly interdependent, familial society like old Europe or small-town American (even Cheers).
The best way you can get on top of this whole dating thing is to not listen to mainstream teachers because they're teaching what doesn't work except for those ready for marriage.
What to do instead, is to seek out the true answers behind the ironic behavior of men and women today.
Therein lies your revelation and ability to actually BE yourself and finally effective around women and dating instead of consistently running into walls.
Rion Williams is one of the foremost experts in dating advice, personal power and relational dynamics. He is well-known within the seduction community itself.
His work focuses on the regaining and improving of real character within frustrated men who do don't want to 'act', use pick-up lines or techniques to get women.
He teaches modern men how to truly be natural and comfortable in their own skin to consistently succeed with women, attraction and dating. You can sign up for his free eZines and find out more information at http://www.relationaldynamics.org
He also has a free podcast at http://www.lifestyledatingradio.com
Cheating Husbands - Meeting Needs?
Husbands cheat on their wives for many reasons. They could be bored with their lifestyle and feel that they need to do something exciting or they could be having a midlife crisis. The latter is very common as many husbands cheat on their wives when they seem to reach 40 for some reason.
Perhaps it is because they suddenly realise that 40 could possibly be half way through their lives and they need to give their egos a boost. Or perhaps as they reflect back over the past years they may feel that they have not achieved very much out of life. They may not be able to do much about changing their situation at home or to their current lifestyle so they decide to look elsewhere and become a cheating husband.
Cheating husbands always think that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill - just like to three billy goat gruffs did! For some reason they think that something is or has been missing from their lives or they feel that they have not fulfilled all their hopes, dreams or ambitions throughout their lives so far. So now is the time to try and change all this by cheating on their wives and they may achieve some of the goals that were missed over the years.
Cheating husbands looking for attention often go to night clubs to meet new girlfriends as this is a way of seeing and chatting to prospective dates. Once a cheating husband has lined up a date then all that is left to do is to escape from home to be with his new girlfriend. Escaping from home however is only a minor matter as he can use the excuse to work late or arrange business meetings.
The cheating husband may wish to go on holiday with his new found girlfriend and finding an excuse may not be necessary as if he has a circle of lads that he regularly goes around with then he has the ideal opportunity to say that he is going away with them.
Sometimes cheating husbands will stray for a few months but they soon realise that they really do miss their family and would very much like their old lifestyle back. Should their wife be willing to take them back then they are very lucky to be forgiven. Although it must be remembered that once a cheating husband has strayed he may be liable to cheat again later on in life whenever he feels the urge to boost his ego again!
Should a cheating husband not be forgiven by his wife then he stands to lose a great deal. There is his family for a start to consider and existing friends may not now stand by him. His whole life may need to be uprooted to accommodate his new situation. He may not only lose family and friends but also work colleagues that nay not see his cheating on his wife as a favourable decision. He may become so unhappy with life that he may have to consider leaving the area to which he used to call his home and move away and start afresh in an unfamiliar territory. This could end up being a very costly mistake both emotionally and financially and cheating husbands should consider very carefully the implications of cheating on their wives before committing themselves to an affair.
Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.
http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com
Perhaps it is because they suddenly realise that 40 could possibly be half way through their lives and they need to give their egos a boost. Or perhaps as they reflect back over the past years they may feel that they have not achieved very much out of life. They may not be able to do much about changing their situation at home or to their current lifestyle so they decide to look elsewhere and become a cheating husband.
Cheating husbands always think that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill - just like to three billy goat gruffs did! For some reason they think that something is or has been missing from their lives or they feel that they have not fulfilled all their hopes, dreams or ambitions throughout their lives so far. So now is the time to try and change all this by cheating on their wives and they may achieve some of the goals that were missed over the years.
Cheating husbands looking for attention often go to night clubs to meet new girlfriends as this is a way of seeing and chatting to prospective dates. Once a cheating husband has lined up a date then all that is left to do is to escape from home to be with his new girlfriend. Escaping from home however is only a minor matter as he can use the excuse to work late or arrange business meetings.
The cheating husband may wish to go on holiday with his new found girlfriend and finding an excuse may not be necessary as if he has a circle of lads that he regularly goes around with then he has the ideal opportunity to say that he is going away with them.
Sometimes cheating husbands will stray for a few months but they soon realise that they really do miss their family and would very much like their old lifestyle back. Should their wife be willing to take them back then they are very lucky to be forgiven. Although it must be remembered that once a cheating husband has strayed he may be liable to cheat again later on in life whenever he feels the urge to boost his ego again!
Should a cheating husband not be forgiven by his wife then he stands to lose a great deal. There is his family for a start to consider and existing friends may not now stand by him. His whole life may need to be uprooted to accommodate his new situation. He may not only lose family and friends but also work colleagues that nay not see his cheating on his wife as a favourable decision. He may become so unhappy with life that he may have to consider leaving the area to which he used to call his home and move away and start afresh in an unfamiliar territory. This could end up being a very costly mistake both emotionally and financially and cheating husbands should consider very carefully the implications of cheating on their wives before committing themselves to an affair.
Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.
http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Is SHE Cheating? Many Unsuspecting Husbands Find Out Too Late
Couples therapists report a 50% increase in female infidelity. The cover story in the current issue of Newsweek magazine is all about cheating wives: "The New Infidelity - From Office Affairs to Internet Hook-Ups, More Wives Are Cheating Too." Yet, as widespread as female infidelity has become, many unsuspecting husbands have no idea their wives are having an affair. They often find themselves in a situation like David in the Newsweek article, who found out his wife was cheating the day she told him she wanted a divorce. Unsuspecting husbands are often surprised when they learn about a cheating wife's extramarital affair. But, the stark reality is that if a husband isn't familiar with the signs of infidelity, by the time he finds out his wife is cheating, it's usually too late.
Women Don't Become Cheaters Overnight
Yet many of the signs may have been there all along. A woman doesn't become a cheating wife overnight. Infidelity develops in stages. In almost every case, there are numerous telltale signs along the way. In fact, many of the warning signs of impending infidelity are evident long before the physical act of infidelity actually takes place.
Know How to Spot the Telltale Signs
The husband who knows how to spot the signs of infidelity has a fighting chance to save his marriage. He won't end up like John LeSage in the Newsweek article who was devastated when he came home one day and found that his wife of 24 years had disappeared. John said, "I would have done a lot things differently, but I never got the chance." This loving, but unsuspecting husband never knew his marriage was in jeopardy because he was unfamiliar with the warning signs.
Identifying the Problem
The first step in solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. There are certain telltale signs that serve as a wake-up call that a marriage is in trouble. A husband doesn't need to hire a private detective or invest in sophisticated surveillance equipment to find out if his wife is having an affair. If he knows what to look for, all he needs are his eyes, his ears and his personal knowledge of his wife. Knowing what to look for is the key.
21 Categories of Telltale Signs
There are 21 categories of telltale signs, with numerous signs in each category. Of course, no can be expected to know them all. That's why it makes sense to invest in a relationship reference book like Is He Cheating on You? in order to become more knowledgeable about the warning signs. After all, most families have a medical reference book in their home to alert them to the signs and symptoms of health and medical problems. The same thing applies to marital problems like infidelity.
Universal Telltale Signs
Some of the signs of infidelity documented in Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs apply exclusively to cheating men. But many of the signs are universal and apply to both cheating husbands and cheating wives. Additional information about infidelity can be found at www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com Although the website is primarily directed to women, about a third of the e-mails received come from men seeking advice about various telltale signs.
So What Should a Husband Do?
With infidelity affecting 80% of all marriages, the husband who values his marriage would do well to become familiar with the warning signs. He should always strive to be aware of his wife's feelings and keep abreast of the things that are going on in her life. It's not about being overly suspicious. It's about keeping a finger on the pulse of his marriage. Forewarned is forearmed. This way, he'll be equipped to recognize even the most subtle telltale signs. The future of his marriage may well depend on his ability to spot those telltale signs in time.
© Ruth Houston 2004 All rights reserved.
Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs". For more information about the book or about infidelity, visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or http://www.InfidelityAdvice.com To receive a FREE Special Report which describes each of the 21 Categories of Telltale Signs, send an e-mail to InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with “21 categories” in the subject line.
Women Don't Become Cheaters Overnight
Yet many of the signs may have been there all along. A woman doesn't become a cheating wife overnight. Infidelity develops in stages. In almost every case, there are numerous telltale signs along the way. In fact, many of the warning signs of impending infidelity are evident long before the physical act of infidelity actually takes place.
Know How to Spot the Telltale Signs
The husband who knows how to spot the signs of infidelity has a fighting chance to save his marriage. He won't end up like John LeSage in the Newsweek article who was devastated when he came home one day and found that his wife of 24 years had disappeared. John said, "I would have done a lot things differently, but I never got the chance." This loving, but unsuspecting husband never knew his marriage was in jeopardy because he was unfamiliar with the warning signs.
Identifying the Problem
The first step in solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. There are certain telltale signs that serve as a wake-up call that a marriage is in trouble. A husband doesn't need to hire a private detective or invest in sophisticated surveillance equipment to find out if his wife is having an affair. If he knows what to look for, all he needs are his eyes, his ears and his personal knowledge of his wife. Knowing what to look for is the key.
21 Categories of Telltale Signs
There are 21 categories of telltale signs, with numerous signs in each category. Of course, no can be expected to know them all. That's why it makes sense to invest in a relationship reference book like Is He Cheating on You? in order to become more knowledgeable about the warning signs. After all, most families have a medical reference book in their home to alert them to the signs and symptoms of health and medical problems. The same thing applies to marital problems like infidelity.
Universal Telltale Signs
Some of the signs of infidelity documented in Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs apply exclusively to cheating men. But many of the signs are universal and apply to both cheating husbands and cheating wives. Additional information about infidelity can be found at www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com Although the website is primarily directed to women, about a third of the e-mails received come from men seeking advice about various telltale signs.
So What Should a Husband Do?
With infidelity affecting 80% of all marriages, the husband who values his marriage would do well to become familiar with the warning signs. He should always strive to be aware of his wife's feelings and keep abreast of the things that are going on in her life. It's not about being overly suspicious. It's about keeping a finger on the pulse of his marriage. Forewarned is forearmed. This way, he'll be equipped to recognize even the most subtle telltale signs. The future of his marriage may well depend on his ability to spot those telltale signs in time.
© Ruth Houston 2004 All rights reserved.
Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs". For more information about the book or about infidelity, visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or http://www.InfidelityAdvice.com To receive a FREE Special Report which describes each of the 21 Categories of Telltale Signs, send an e-mail to InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with “21 categories” in the subject line.
10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship
1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!
2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
The Art of Seduction: How to Use 'Option Limitation' to Maximise Your Success
Getting girls to feel an attraction for you –The Art of Seduction - that isn’t simply based on your looks, the contents of your wallet or the car you’ve got parked outside. The Art of Seduction can be really tricky.
After all, how are men supposed to know what each girl’s looking for without asking (hence the word “Art” in Art of Seduction – Art is not something all men can do or understand)?
If you DID ask, you know your chances would be small, after all, no girl wants a guy approaching her with needy questions - she wants a confident man who somehow seems to know what she’s after and can give it to her (And only men who understand the Art of Seduction can do that).
So how do you do it? How do you learn the Art of Seduction and all of its specifics?
How do you become the ultimate Art of Seduction master…A man that effortlessly exudes confidence, dominance and presence…without turning into an arrogant poser or desperate wannabe?
The answer to the Art of Seduction lies in basic human psychology. It’s at the heart of all persuasive social situations, and absolutely central to the success of any guy’s attempts at the Art of Seduction. Quite simply, by learning the CORRECT psychological rules, principles and tactics, any guy can play and WIN at the Art of Seduction. For example, let’s look at one such psychological technique, that used correctly boosts any guy’s chance of getting a girl’s number or hooking up with her at a later date by at least 50%, each and every time he uses it. It’s called option limitation and works on the following principle of human nature:
When someone’s presented with only a single choice, often their natural reaction will be to rebel against it and go their own way. However, when given 2 or 3 options, the opposite occurs: they feel their intellectual freedom has been respected and they make their choice from the variety of options they’ve been presented with.
You can use this universal psychological principle when learning the Art of Seduction. This is applied to women by carefully constructing how you pose important questions or phrases while talking to them.
For example, when learning the Art of Seduction most men think saying: “Can I have your number?” is an okay way to finish a conversation that’s gone well with a girl. But a much more powerful and effective way of saying the same thing would be to use option limitation (which is a phenomenal seduction technique). Something like: “It’s been nice to meet you. Shall we swap numbers or maybe grab a bite to eat and a drink tomorrow?” What you’re doing is a subtle Art of Seduction method…you’re presenting the girl with a choice between good and better – whichever she says yes to, you win. If you only give her one option, as in the first example, she’s likely to create her own alternative, which means there’s a chance she won’t say yes to the option you gave her. When she subconsciously recognises that she’s been given a choice between multiple outcomes, she feels her intellectual freedom has been respected and she chooses one of them. Thus completing the first, and most vital step in the Art of Seduction.
So, always use option limitation in the Art of Seduction to give the impression there’s a variety of options available to the girl – even though each one is fine as far as you’re concerned. And to strengthen the effect of option limitation, always try to separate the choices you give the girl with the word “or.” When people hear “or” they automatically recognise that they need to make a choice, and therefore do just that.
Option limitation is just one example of the Art of Seduction and how, whether they know it or not, men who are successful with women (men who have mastered the Art of Seduction) CREATE that success for themselves – not through luck or good fortune.
Learn the Art of Seduction and how men can turn the tables on women by using special psychological techniques to attract and seduce them, anywhere, anytime…effortlessly. Visit http://www.hardworkingcommunications.com/html/untitled26.htmlmany college students the decision about going to college presents a huge financial challenge. College costs have spiraled upwards in recent years and many students simple cannot afford the cost of attending college today. It is a discouraging situation for many students but fortunately there is a way out of this quagmire. With help from the federal government and some private lenders prospective students can actually go on to college using students loans.
Lending institutions like the federal government provide long-term student loans that enable students to attend college while deferring any payments on those loans. These loans are good until a student has graduated or is not a student any longer or becomes less than a half time student or that student withdraws from college.
Parents can also borrow money on behalf of their undergraduate children. This type of loan is usually made through the Parent Loans for Undergraduate Students program or PLUS as it is more commonly known. There are also other options that are available to students to explore when it comes to borrowing money for college.
Non-Federal Student Loans or “alternative loans” are the other options available to students when it comes to borrowing money for college. Unlike federal student loans these types of loans are not guaranteed or backed by the government. It is also important to know that “alternative loans” are based on credit rating and credit worthiness.
The typical time for repayment of student loans is usually a maximum of thirty years. The average time range for repayment of these loans is usually on average between ten and thirty years. For most students loan consolidation is usually a simplified way to make student loan repayment affordable and simple.
Over the years student loans have risen in popularity due to the interest rate being tied to the current inflation rates which do not take into consideration the ongoing interest rate in the country. This rate is set by the Department of Education and is the same for every borrower. So before you give up on going to college, you can still pursue your dream by riding the student loan train.
For more information on financing your college education, the considerations when taking out a student loan and finding a student loan visit www.personalfinancemap.com
After all, how are men supposed to know what each girl’s looking for without asking (hence the word “Art” in Art of Seduction – Art is not something all men can do or understand)?
If you DID ask, you know your chances would be small, after all, no girl wants a guy approaching her with needy questions - she wants a confident man who somehow seems to know what she’s after and can give it to her (And only men who understand the Art of Seduction can do that).
So how do you do it? How do you learn the Art of Seduction and all of its specifics?
How do you become the ultimate Art of Seduction master…A man that effortlessly exudes confidence, dominance and presence…without turning into an arrogant poser or desperate wannabe?
The answer to the Art of Seduction lies in basic human psychology. It’s at the heart of all persuasive social situations, and absolutely central to the success of any guy’s attempts at the Art of Seduction. Quite simply, by learning the CORRECT psychological rules, principles and tactics, any guy can play and WIN at the Art of Seduction. For example, let’s look at one such psychological technique, that used correctly boosts any guy’s chance of getting a girl’s number or hooking up with her at a later date by at least 50%, each and every time he uses it. It’s called option limitation and works on the following principle of human nature:
When someone’s presented with only a single choice, often their natural reaction will be to rebel against it and go their own way. However, when given 2 or 3 options, the opposite occurs: they feel their intellectual freedom has been respected and they make their choice from the variety of options they’ve been presented with.
You can use this universal psychological principle when learning the Art of Seduction. This is applied to women by carefully constructing how you pose important questions or phrases while talking to them.
For example, when learning the Art of Seduction most men think saying: “Can I have your number?” is an okay way to finish a conversation that’s gone well with a girl. But a much more powerful and effective way of saying the same thing would be to use option limitation (which is a phenomenal seduction technique). Something like: “It’s been nice to meet you. Shall we swap numbers or maybe grab a bite to eat and a drink tomorrow?” What you’re doing is a subtle Art of Seduction method…you’re presenting the girl with a choice between good and better – whichever she says yes to, you win. If you only give her one option, as in the first example, she’s likely to create her own alternative, which means there’s a chance she won’t say yes to the option you gave her. When she subconsciously recognises that she’s been given a choice between multiple outcomes, she feels her intellectual freedom has been respected and she chooses one of them. Thus completing the first, and most vital step in the Art of Seduction.
So, always use option limitation in the Art of Seduction to give the impression there’s a variety of options available to the girl – even though each one is fine as far as you’re concerned. And to strengthen the effect of option limitation, always try to separate the choices you give the girl with the word “or.” When people hear “or” they automatically recognise that they need to make a choice, and therefore do just that.
Option limitation is just one example of the Art of Seduction and how, whether they know it or not, men who are successful with women (men who have mastered the Art of Seduction) CREATE that success for themselves – not through luck or good fortune.
Learn the Art of Seduction and how men can turn the tables on women by using special psychological techniques to attract and seduce them, anywhere, anytime…effortlessly. Visit http://www.hardworkingcommunications.com/html/untitled26.htmlmany college students the decision about going to college presents a huge financial challenge. College costs have spiraled upwards in recent years and many students simple cannot afford the cost of attending college today. It is a discouraging situation for many students but fortunately there is a way out of this quagmire. With help from the federal government and some private lenders prospective students can actually go on to college using students loans.
Lending institutions like the federal government provide long-term student loans that enable students to attend college while deferring any payments on those loans. These loans are good until a student has graduated or is not a student any longer or becomes less than a half time student or that student withdraws from college.
Parents can also borrow money on behalf of their undergraduate children. This type of loan is usually made through the Parent Loans for Undergraduate Students program or PLUS as it is more commonly known. There are also other options that are available to students to explore when it comes to borrowing money for college.
Non-Federal Student Loans or “alternative loans” are the other options available to students when it comes to borrowing money for college. Unlike federal student loans these types of loans are not guaranteed or backed by the government. It is also important to know that “alternative loans” are based on credit rating and credit worthiness.
The typical time for repayment of student loans is usually a maximum of thirty years. The average time range for repayment of these loans is usually on average between ten and thirty years. For most students loan consolidation is usually a simplified way to make student loan repayment affordable and simple.
Over the years student loans have risen in popularity due to the interest rate being tied to the current inflation rates which do not take into consideration the ongoing interest rate in the country. This rate is set by the Department of Education and is the same for every borrower. So before you give up on going to college, you can still pursue your dream by riding the student loan train.
For more information on financing your college education, the considerations when taking out a student loan and finding a student loan visit www.personalfinancemap.com
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